Shadowchasers: Miscellaneous Files
by MultiplePersonas
Summary: Just what the title says: Everyday busts of Shadow criminals. A collection of oneshots, featuring a different Shadowchaser almost every time.
1. Beatdown at the Fairground

(Well, hello and welcome to my Shadowchasers fic. I PREFER TO BE A BIT UNCONVENTIONAL ABOUT THIS, posting one-chapter everyday cases, INSTEAD OF STRUGGLES THAT COULD END THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT. Why? I don't want the commitment. I'm neck-deep in other projects, and I freely admit that I'm doing this to relieve stress. It seemed like fun. Even so, I plan to give each chapter (if I end up with more than one—remember, I DON'T WANT THE COMMITMENT) my all. I may not want to sink in too deep, but I still take pride in my work.

As for rules, like all other Shadowchasers authors, I plan to follow the real-game rules, which, if you don't know, you can look up on any self-respecting Yu-Gi-Oh! website.

With all that out of the way, I'd just like to give the disclaimers: "SHADOWCHASERS" IS OWNED BY CYBER COMMANDER, and I use the concept with his given permission, and Yu-Gi-Oh! is owned by Kazuki Takahashi, and the song "The Fair" is owned by Ann Reed, but I'm not making any money off of either, so I'm not too worried about lawsuits. Enjoy!)

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**Shadowchasers: Miscellaneous Files**

**Beatdown at the Fairground**

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"_**Appearances often are deceiving". Aesop said that. An old line, but one that I take to heart. Steven Hawking looks brain-dead, but he's one of the greatest minds of our generation. And Lizzie Borden seemed like just a harmless little girl, but she's believed to have brutally murdered her own parents. No matter where you go or how much you see, things will surprise you, and that's exactly what I love about life. Heck, I even got my job because I can see things that others can't!**_

_**Unfortunately, a lot of others aren't so open-minded. They can only see what lies right in front of their noses. A lot of people underestimate **_**me**_**, for example. I pity them, really, except when they find a way to really tick me off. Like right now, for example.**_

Minnesota is a cold, cold place in the winter. Everybody knows that. And St Paul is no exception. What they don't usually know is that it's actually quite pleasant in the spring and summer months. Perhaps this is why they host the annual State Fair at the end of August—as one last hurrah before the weather once again becomes brutal.

As far as state fairs go, Minnesota's is the very tops, running twelve days with the record for the country's top daily attendance (though Texas's state fair goes twice as long with a higher annual attendance). "The Great Minnesota Get-Together" is an event for all ages, featuring rides, games, folk art, food (most of which is on a stick—one of the fair's themes), animal judging, and everything in between. In recent years, they'd even added Duel Monsters tournaments, which became a roaring success.

It was for this event that Jalal had sent nearly all of the Twin Cities' Shadowchasers out. In a gathering of both humans and Shadows this large, trouble was practically inevitable.

Justine Rosenbaum found this to be the ideal working vacation, and she had just exited the cattle barn when she found what she had been hoping not to see: trouble.

"_Minnesota, Minnesota, _

_We are south of Manitoba._

_We are east of North Dakota._

_We've got something really rare._

_It's fulfilling, entertaining, _

_It's true culture you'll be gaining._

_Accept no imitations, it's the Fair!"_

This song alone was in no way unusual—Ann Reed's iconic song about the State Fair (well, one of them, since she'd written at least five) was often playing at this event, but never in this admittedly unpleasant location. They were wedged between three animal barns, and the smell was unbearable, but here they were nonetheless, and people were pouring out of the attractions to see the performance.

Looking up at the performers, Justine understood perfectly what was happening. The band was composed of three members, all of whom looked like they should be playing something by Kiss, not this cheery country tune. They all had long, dark hair and Goth-style makeup, completed by dark, feathery clothes. Their faces were masculine, but that was the only thing about them that suggested it aside from the Adam's apples on their long, bent necks—their hair was long, their fingers were skinny with _very _long nails, and, most disturbing of all, they had breasts, even though they were stick-thin.

They looked like cosplayers of Tim Curry's character from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show".

At least, that's how Mundane humans saw them. What Awares like Justine saw were inhuman creatures. Their faces and hair were the same, but they had birdlike talons for arms and legs, torsos covered in dark feathers, and big wings erupting from their shoulders.

These were harpies, predatory Shadowkind with the power to ensnare unsuspecting victims with their voices. Justine was only unaffected because she'd been through training to resist it.

The weird thing was that, though these harpies were clearly hypnotizing the people, that seemed to be _all _that they were doing with them. Attacking seemed completely out of their minds.

Suddenly, another sound came to Justine's ears: a loud chorus of squeals coming from the swine barn. Things were starting to add up.

Justine ran into the swine barn and saw just what she had suspected: at least two dozen harpies were swarming around the scores of pigpens, about to dig into a feast.

"Ahem!" Justine shouted, loudly clearing her throat.

All of the harpies stopped and turned to her.

"What have we here?" one of them shrieked, a female with rust-red feathers and tangled blonde locks. "A straggler?"

"Orpheus, Plato, and Midas must've missed one!" shouted another, this one an older male with grey plumage and a shaven head. "I knew we shouldn't have had those imbeciles distract the crowd!"

"It's not their fault," Justine said casually, putting a hand to her cheek. "It's a little harder to charm us Shadowchasers."

"Shadowchaser?!" the harpies all squawked in unison.

"That's right. My name's Justine. And I'm here to stop you from stealing, killing, and consuming all this livestock! Get ready to duel!"

"You?" another harpy cackled, this one with jet-black feathers and matted, silvery hair. She seemed to be their leader, since her talons were the longest, and she was perched over the pen of Piggy Mama, the enormous sow with the year's largest litter of piglets (oddly a famous attraction at the Fair every year—this one had twelve). "Are you sure? You look like you can't even pick up a Disk!"

Justine frowned at this. She got a lot of jokes about her looks. She was a petite, redheaded girl, and very skinny—and not in the attractive supermodel way, either. She just looked fragile, like she might end up a hunchback just by carrying her backpack and sword around. Frankly, Jalal was one of the few people she'd ever met who had confidence in her strength from the very beginning.

"You should be more worried about yourselves," she shot back. "I've handled far tougher threats than you!"

"Don't be so sure," the lead harpy snarled. "When it comes to dueling, I'm the best in my flock!"

"Prove it!" Justine shot back.

The harpy rolled her eyes and turned to look behind Piggy Mama's pen. Suddenly, she let out an enraged shriek and whipped back around to face her flock.

"All right!" she demanded. "Which of you pathetic turkeys stole my Duel Disk and deck?"

All of the other harpies avoided eye contact with their leader, looking both insulted and terrified.

"Hang on," Justine said, opening her backpack and pulling out her own Disk. "This thing has a function that can locate any other active Duel Disk within 100 meters."

The petite Shadowchaser strapped the Duel Disk onto her wrist and hit a button. The dueling device lit up, projecting an arrow forward and to her right.

The lead harpy quickly caught on and left her perch, landing next to the harpy to whom the arrow was pointing, a younger male one with dark brown wings and hair. His talons were noticeably shorter and duller than most of the other harpies'.

"Where is it?" the lead harpy demanded. "Tell me before I tear out your kidneys and show them to you!"

The younger harpy whimpered and slowly pointed down, into the sawdust-filled pen over which he was perched.

The lead harpy dove into the pen and dug around, pulling out a Duel Disk with a deck inside. She fluttered back up to the younger harpy's perch and pulled out the deck, examining the cards.

"Everything's there," she said, shuffling them and putting them back. "Lucky you."

Then, out of nowhere, she slashed him across his breasts. "That was for stealing from _me_!" she shrieked. She slashed him again, this time across his right wing. "_That_ was for leaving it in a pigpen!" She gave him one more slash, this one right to the face, harder than the first two, leaving deep, bloody marks. "And _that _was for incriminating yourself by leaving it so close to your own perch! You should know by now that someone else must always take the fall!"

"Y-yes, mama!" the younger harpy stammered, clutching his face in both agony and shame. "I-it won't happen again! Promise!"

"You do that to your own child?!" Justine gasped.

The harpies (save for the one that was just injured) all cackled at this.

"I forget," the leader said, still fighting off the giggles as she returned to her perch on Piggy Mama's pen. "Your kind are so sentimental. You don't understand that a child must be raised with a firm talon to make them strong. Humans have such weaknesses for their chicks."

At her words, the other harpies began laughing again.

"Now, deary," the leader said, holding up a claw to silence her flock. "I'm ready to duel you, and when I win, you'll make a nice snack for Julius. He just lost his pig privileges."

The injured harpy started to tear up at this.

"Come on, mom!" he complained. "She's got almost no meat!"

"That's what you get for your unforgivable behavior!" his mother snapped, and Julius sucked up his tears and scowled.

_And I thought _my _mom was bad!_, Justine thought to herself, before addressing the leader.

"You realize...uh…" she stopped, realizing something. "Sorry, I didn't get your name."

"Alcestis," the lead harpy said proudly, puffing up her feathers slightly. "Matriarch of the Twin Cities harpy flock."

"Well, Alcestis," Justine said. "You realize that as the only harpy here with a Duel Disk and deck, you'll be representing your entire flock for this crime, don't you?"

The other bird-people cringed slightly, but Alcestis just chuckled.

"If you're trying to scare me, it won't work," she squawked. "As the flock's matriarch, I represent my people on many occasions, and I'm sure I can handle whatever you throw at me."

"Well, then," Justine replied. "Let's cut the intimidation tactics and duel!"

Both duelists activated the holo-imagers on their Duel Disks and drew five cards.

**(Justine: 8,000) - - - - - - - - - - (Alcestis: 8,000)**

"Oh, and one other thing," Justine announced. "While we're dueling, none of your flock can kill or eat these pigs. If they touch so much as a hair on their chinny-chin-chins, I can arrest you all without the need for a contest!"

"You?" a random harpy called out. "Are you kidding? As if _you_ could do a thing about it!"

"You'd be surprised what I'm capable of," Justine smirked. "I might be carrying a concealed weapon as we speak."

That was a bluff, but it seemed to work. The harpies went silent and began staring at the Shadowchaser with nervous expressions.

"I guess we'll just have to wait for our feast," Alcestis sighed as she drew a sixth card from her deck (how was she able to hold those thin cardboard cards in those gigantic sharp talons of hers without damaging them?). "Thankfully, it won't be for long. I Summon Ancient Gear Knight!"

The harpy matriarch slapped a card onto her Disk, and a Machine appeared. It resembled some kind of robotic soldier, with old and rusted gears and armor, made of iron, not steel. Despite the Knight's fragile appearance, it stood strong holding up the lance that was its right hand and the gear-shaped shield that was its left. (1,800 ATK)

"Ancient Gears, huh?" Justine commented with a neutral, almost bored tone to her voice. "Interesting."

"What were you expecting, girlie?" Alcestis inquired, before quickly speaking up and adding an immensely sarcastic manner. "Oh, right, Harpie Ladies. Yes, the law states that _all_ harpies must _always_ use Harpie Lady decks! We're _never_ allowed to use _anything _else!"

She punctuated her point by spitting right on Piggy Mama's ear.

"That's not what I meant," Justine replied. "I just wouldn't have pegged you with such a slow strategy. It doesn't seem to be the style of a hunter—rushing the field is more appropriate. A Blackwing deck, perhaps…"

"Bah!" Alcestis retorted. "That's no fun at all! I like to savor my opponent's pain, and I absolutely _cherish _seeing them standing there, completely unable to defend, as I attack! It's such a pleasure!"

"Hear, hear!" called another harpy, and the others muttered their agreements.

"To each her own," Justine sighed. "Anything else for this turn?"

"No, I'm finished," the lead harpy replied. "Hurry and make your move!"

Justine nodded and drew a card, then smiled.

_Perfect!_, she thought. _This hand is amazing! I'll get an early lead for sure!_

"I'll start by Summoning a Monster," she announced, placing a card on her Disk. "Say hello to Kuribull, in Attack Mode!"

With a loud roar, a Monster erupted onto the field. It looked a lot like the famous puffball Kuriboh, but far, far larger, with bright scarlet fur, bloodshot eyes, bull's horns, and a large, silver nosering, despite its apparent lack of a nose. It snorted, and released two small clouds of steam. (2,100 ATK)

"What in blazes is _that_ monstrosity?!" Alcestis squawked, her wings fluttering nervously.

"This 'monstrosity', as you call it, is my Kuribull," Justine replied. "One of the protectors of the Kuriboh community, for obvious reasons."

"That thing is far too strong for a four-star Monster!" the harpy matriarch insisted. "It must have some sort of cost!"

"Actually, it's a _five_-star Monster," the Shadowchaser corrected. "But you're right—if I Summon Kuribull without a sacrifice, I have to destroy it at the end of the turn. But I'm not too worried about that, and you'll see why soon enough.

"For now, though, Kuribull, attack Ancient Gear Knight! Rage rampage!"

Kuribull snorted out more steam and charged forward, tackling the rusted Machine and goring it with its horns.

Ancient Gear Knight groaned and shattered into pixels.

**(J: 8,000) - - - - - - - - - - (A: 7,700)**

"And now, to save Kuribull the humiliation of self-destructing," Justine continued. "I'm playing one of my favorite cards! Go, Five-Star Twilight! I just sacrifice one five-star Monster…"

She slipped a Spell card into her Disk and Kuribull vanished, leaving behind five shining stars.

"To bring out five one-star Monsters, namely Kuriba, Kuribe, Kuribi, Kuriboh, and Kuribu, the five Kuriboh brothers!"

The stars lined up horizontally in front of the Shadowchaser and faded, revealing five adorable puffballs.

"_Kuri, kuri!" _they cooed, waving their paws in unison. (300 ATK x5)

Alcestis said nothing, struggling to fight back the giggles as she stared at these new Monsters. One of them was the original Kuriboh, brown with big, adorable eyes and green paws, and the others were completely identical to it, save for the colors of their fur: lavender, turquoise, pink, and white.

"That's it?" she laughed. "You brought out a platoon of weak little rodents?"

That comment struck a nerve for Justine.

"They're not rodents, they're Kuribohs!" she snarled. "They may not seem like much to you, but they're far more than annoying vermin! They're hardy, kindhearted creatures that have managed to construct a society that far outstrips _yours_!"

"I'd like to see _that_!" Alcestis snorted, leading her flock in a chorus of laughter.

"You will soon enough," Justine promised. "But for now, I'll just set a card facedown."

A holographic card back appeared behind the pink Kuriboh.

"Your move, chicken-fingers."

Alcestis scowled at the Shadowchaser as she drew a card, and looked over her hand.

"Ah, this will do nicely!" she said. "I activate the Continuous Spell card, Ancient Gear Castle!"

She placed the card in her Disk, and, with a rumble, a huge structure rose up behind her. It was a massive castle, with gears, sprockets, and gewgaws galore, and cannons mounted on its turrets.

"With this active, not only do all of my Ancient Gear Monsters gain 300 Attack Points, but—"

"Every time either of us Normal Summons or Sets a Monster, the Castle gets a Counter, and you can offer the Castle itself to Summon a high-level Ancient Gear Monster using the number of Counters as the number of tributes," Justine finished impatiently. "I know how the card works! It's a staple in Ancient Gear Decks!"

"Okay, okay," the harpy matriarch replied. "No need to tear my head off—that's _my _job!

"Anyway, I'll continue by Summoning Ancient Gear Soldier, in Attack Mode!"

Another rusted Machine appeared, this one smaller and bulkier than the last, with a rifle for a right arm. It glowed with a faint light, drawing strength from the Castle. (1,300 ATK) -) (1,600 ATK)

With that Summon, one of the cannons on the Castle's turrets began to charge up, glowing with yellow energy.

"Now, I may not know just what these other fuzzballs are hiding," Alcestis casually admitted. "But I _do_ know that one of them is just a normal Kuriboh, whose ability is useless if it's Summoned to the field.

"You even placed a facedown card to protect it when I attack, but you forgot then when an Ancient Gear Monster attacks, you can't activate facedown cards until after the Damage Step!"

"Yep," Justine sighed, rolling her eyes. "You caught me."

"That's right I did! Ancient Gear Soldier, attack Kuriboh! Rapid-fire flurry!"

Ancient Gear Soldier lifted its rifle and fired off a round of shots at the brown creature.

"Gotcha!" Justine chuckled. "I don't need any Spells or Traps for this! Kuriboh brothers, activate star defense!"

The five Kuribohs all nodded and launched into what was clearly a rehearsed formation, each of them conjuring a small, glowing, star-shaped energy shield (each star the color of its conjuror) and leaping forward, their shields combining into one, much larger rainbow-colored shield. The ancient Machine's rifles struck the shield full-force, shattering it and sending the little puffballs tumbling apart, dazed but otherwise unharmed.

"What the—?" the harpy matriarch gaped, unable to compose a cogent sentence. "How did—?"

"That's Kuribi's special ability," Justine smiled, gesturing to the pink furball. "Once per turn, I can negate one of your attacks on him or any of his friends.

"You see, what Kuriboh lack in brute strength, they make up for in teamwork and superior numbers. One alone may not seem like much, but if you know anything about Kuribohs, you'll know that they're _never _alone!"

Alcestis just grunted and slipped a card into her Disk, causing a holographic card back to appear behind her Soldier.

"Your move," she muttered.

Justine drew a card and smiled.

"Okay, you've seen Kuribi's ability. Now it's time for Kuribu's! Kuriball roll!"

Justine slipped a card from her hand into the discard slot, and the five Kuribohs moved into another planned formation—this one far more unusual. The little puffballs climbed up, one on top of the other, and formed a tower. Then, the white one (which was on the bottom) upset the tower and sent the others onto the floor, where the four others tucked up and began rolling forward. Finally, quick as a flash, the white one opened its mouth wide (yes, apparently Kuribohs _do _have mouths!) and swallowed up the other four, swelling to five times its size.

"_Kuri, kuri!" _it cheeped, its voice slightly garbled by the four Kuribohs in its mouth as it rolled forward, right over Ancient Gear Soldier, practically crushing it, before the white Kuriboh exhaled and the five powder puffs returned to their places in front of their controller.

The weathered automaton struggled to its feet, severely damaged. (100 ATK)

"Bet you're wondering what just happened," Justine giggled, reading the look on Alcestis's face. "You see, by discarding a Trap card from my hand, I can have my friends here lower the Attack Score of one of my opponent's Monsters by 1,500 for the rest of the turn. Cool, huh?

"Oh, and speaking of discarding, it's time to activate my Trap card, Forced Requisition!"

Justine's facedown card lifted up, revealing a Continuous Trap card with the image of a soldier carrying a small treasure chest away from a desperate-looking woman.

"This card can only be activated after I discard a card from my hand, and from then on, every time I discard a card, you have to discard one, too!"

"Well, _that _will probably get annoying," Alcestis muttered.

"Yeah, probably," Justine agreed. "But for now, it's time to show off another of these little critters' abilities, this one courtesy of Kuriba! Kuriboh brothers, combine to form Kuribabylon!"

The little fuzzballs chirped again and leapt forward, once again forming a tower as a cloud of smoke rose up. When the smoke faded, instead of five Kuribohs, there was only one—a much larger, teal-colored one with angry purple eyes, long, clawed paws, long, sharp fangs, and a wicked horn sticking out of its forehead. (1,500 ATK)

"Now I can do some decent damage with a single attack. Kuribabylon, destroy that turkey's Ancient Gear Soldier!"

"_Kuri, kuri," _the creature grunted, before leaping forward.

"Hang on, girlie!" Alcestis shrieked, hitting a button on her Duel Disk. "Did you forget about my facedown card? I activate Draining Shield! Now all your attack will do is pad my Life Points!"

Alcestis's facedown card lifted up, but Justine just laughed.

"Oh, it's not so simple, Alcie!" she chortled. "You see, I'm activating a special ability! Go, Kuribookworm!"

Justine slipped a card from her hand into the discard pile, and suddenly another Kuriboh appeared on the field, this one a soft green color with a thick pair of glasses.

"Kuribookworm is one of the Kuriboh community's greatest minds. He's studied all sorts of traps at length, and knows how to diffuse them all. So, all I have to do is discard him from my hand, and he'll negate any Trap card as soon as it's activated!"

Kuribookworm bounced right up to the Trap card and waved its arms around rapidly. It looked like something you'd see in the Charlie Brown Christmas special, but it was just as effective. The Trap shattered and Kuribookworm disappeared with a triumphant chirp.

"And that means that _you _have to discard a card, too, thanks to my Forced Requisition card!" the Shadowchaser reminded.

Angrily, the harpy matriarch selected a card from her hand and shoved it into the Graveyard slot.

"Plus, my attack continues! Kuribabylon, pulverize that sorry excuse for a Soldier!"

Kuribabylon leapt forward and stabbed the Ancient Gear Soldier with its horn, destroying it and sending Alcestis's Life Points tumbling down.

**(J: 8,000) - - - - - - - - - - (A: 6,300)**

"And finally, just to be safe, I'll activate Kuribabylon's special ability, sacrificing it to bring back the five Kuriboh brothers."

Kuribabylon snorted as another puff of smoke engulfed it. When the smoke faded, the five original puffballs were back on the field.

"End turn."

"Finally!" one harpy cried out, an older female one with curly, gunmetal-grey hair and silvery feathers. "Honestly, Alcestis, at this rate we're all going to starve before this duel is done!"

"I'm doing my best, Iole!" the lead harpy snapped. "But don't worry; we'll all have an all-you-can-eat pork buffet soon enough!"

"Well, move it along!" yet another bird-human hybrid, the hairless, grey-feathered male who had criticized the harpies still singing outside, squawked. "We need to gather our strength for the journey!"

"'Journey'?" Justine repeated, confused. "What journey?"

Alcestis rolled her eyes, but elaborated.

"Our migration, of course!" she said, as if explaining that two plus two equals four. "Every year, just before the cold weather begins, we migrate south to a warmer climate until spring! It's completely normal avian behavior."

"Yeah," the harpy with the shaven head added. "And we need to carbo-load on these pigs for the journey. With all this food, we can make it down to Texas in just over two days! Then it's a six-month banquet of beef and veal—mm-mm!"

"Omeros, quit drooling!" Iole snapped, though her mouth was beginning to water, too.

"Look, you guys don't have to steal to bulk up for the trip," Justine suggested. "We've got plenty of lakes. You could get fish. They're a natural resource—they don't belong to anybody!"

"Fish don't have sufficient carbohydrates for this trip," Iole responded. "We'd have to completely empty two or three small lakes to get enough, and it's just not worth going to so much trouble."

"Plus we don't get along too well with the local nixies," Omeros added. "They're pathetic fighters, but they've got the home turf, and that's enough to hold us off."

"So," Alcestis summarized. "As you can see, girlie, gorging ourselves on all this pre-packaged livestock is the quickest and easiest way to get what we want."

"Quickest, maybe," Justine sighed. "But it's certainly not the easiest. After all, you have to go through me to get them."

"And I plan to," the harpy matriarch answered. "Now, if we can just focus, I can finish this duel and get all of us a proper meal!"

Eagerly, Alcestis snatched another card from her deck in her long talons. She began eyeing the cards, looking slightly nervous.

"Bad draw, Alcie?" Justine inquired, a cocky look on her face. "Too bad."

"I, uh, I activate the effect of my Ancient Gear Castle," Alcestis finally choked out. "I'll sacrifice it to Set a Monster in Defense Mode."

The colossal Castle vanished into oblivion, and a horizontal card back appeared on Alcestis's field.

"End turn."

Justine's smile spread even further as she drew a card from her deck.

"I get your plan, Alcie," she said with a smirk. "You brought out a higher-level Monster to act as a shield until you can find a way to get past my Kuriboh brothers' defensive strategy—clever, but hardly original. And, even better, I just drew a card that will allow me to _obliterate _any defense that your deck can churn out!"

"What card could a _Kuriboh _deck possibly have that would allow you to do that?!" Alcestis said. She was trying to laugh, but her nerves were beginning to show.

"I'll show you," Justine replied, selecting the card she had just drawn.

The Field Spell slot in Justine's Duel Disk opened up and she inserted a card. Instantly, their surroundings began to warp, changing from the filthy interior of the State Fair swine barn to a lush, verdant meadow with dozens of large animal holes. The pigpens, pigs, and harpies stayed in plain sight, though, making the whole scene even weirder.

"Welcome to Kuriburrow, home base of the Kuriboh community!"

The five Kuriboh brothers seemed to be greatly enjoying themselves in this new location. They were bouncing around and chirping happily. All of them had a faint glow around them. (300 ATK x5) -) (800 ATK x5)

"As you can see, Alcestis," Justine elaborated. "Kuriburrow increases the Attack Scores of all 'Kuri' Monsters by 500 points."

"Big deal," Omeros squawked. "You took five weaklings and made them into slightly stronger weaklings! They're still far too weak to actually be a threat!"

"Use your head, Omeros!" Iole screeched, rolling her eyes. "That Field Spell must have some sort of secondary effect if she's that happy to have drawn it!"

"Actually, it does," the Shadowchaser smirked. "But it's the first effect that should worry you, since I'm forming Kuribabylon once again!"

Once again, the Kuriboh brothers stacked up in a tower formation, then vanished in a puff of smoke and left Kuribabylon in their place.

"He's still not a threat!" Alcestis insisted. "Even with two-thousand Attack Points, it only qualifies as 'adequate' against _my _deck!"

"'Two-thousand'?" Justine echoed, grinning wide. "I think you need to take another look."

It was then that Alcestis noticed that Kuribabylon looked far bigger and fiercer than the last time she had seen it. (4,000 ATK) -) (4,500 ATK)

"What?" the harpy matriarch whimpered. "I don't understand! How did it suddenly get so strong?!"

"Kuribabylon's base Attack Score isn't a definite number, Alcestis," the petite girl explained. "It's the combined Attack Scores of all five of the Kuriboh brothers when they're sacrificed. Since each of them had eight-hundred Attack Points, Kuribabylon now has four-thousand, plus the boost from Kuriburrow!"

"This is insanity!" Alcestis shrieked. "That Kuriboh is as strong as Kaiba's Ultimate Dragon!"

"I know, I know," Justine nodded. "It's as if the entire game has been flipped upside-down, isn't it? It seems like some sort of weird fantasy, but I guarantee you, it's all true. Like I said, Kuriboh specialize in teamwork.

"And now, Kuribabylon, wipe out that defensive Monster!"

"_Kuri,kuri," _Kuribabylon grunted as it rushed forward and stabbed at the facedown card.

The image of a giant mechanical wolf, made of similar parts to Alcestis's last two Monsters, appeared, crouching down (2,000 DEF), before shattering into pixels.

"Your Ancient Gear Beast may have been strong, Alcestis," Justine jeered. "But it can't hold a candle to Kuribabylon when it draws power from Kuriburrow! In fact, I'm almost positive that there's nothing in your deck that can outmuscle this guy on its own!

"Now, just one last thing before my turn ends."

"And what's that?" Alcestis demanded.

"The second effect of Kuriburrow," the Shadowchaser replied. "Once per turn, I can take any 'Kuri' Monster in my Graveyard and add it to my hand. I think I'll go with Kuribookworm."

A card slipped out of Justine's discard slot and she added it to her hand.

"And, with that, I end my turn."

The other harpies grew increasingly anxious as their leader drew her card.

"Come on, Alcestis!" Omeros urged. "You can't afford to lose!"

"Yeah!" Iole agreed. "Otherwise we may never hunt again!"

Justine glared at them. "You call _this _hunting?!" she exclaimed. "Hunting is capturing and killing _wild _animals! These are domesticated livestock! It's not hunting, it's stealing!"

"You say that as if we care about the difference," Alcestis responded, rolling her eyes. "Stealing is practically encouraged among harpies. After all, if someone isn't strong enough to protect what's theirs, then they don't deserve to have it in the first place!"

"Kind of a depressing philosophy," Justine said quizzically. "Don't you think?"

"Only to a weakling like yourself, deary," the harpy matriarch replied. "As I intend to demonstrate right now. I'll start by Summoning Ancient Gear Cannon, in Attack Mode!"

In a flash of light, a Monster appeared. It looked like a large, rusty cannon made of very old materials. (500 ATK)

"Fat load of good it will do you," Justine taunted. "Kuribabylon is nine times as strong!"

Alcestis just smiled and showed Justine another card in her hand.

"Aw, nuts," Justine muttered, her face falling instantly.

"I activate the Spell card, Creature Swap!" Alcestis laughed, inserting the card into her Disk. "Now, we each choose one of our Monsters, and trade them on the spot! And, since we each have only one…"

The two Monsters vanished in cascades of light, then reappeared in each other's places.

"What's yours is mine, and what's mine is yours!" the harpy matriarch cackled. "Good for me, and not so good for you. Now, let's test this giant owl pellet's strength! Kuribabylon, tear Ancient Gear Cannon asunder!"

Kuribabylon bounded forward and slashed the worn weapon with its claws, blowing it apart.

Justine cringed and tried to stand her ground as a massive blast of energy came at her from the inordinate Life Point loss. Eventually, it got the best of her, and she was thrown back and slammed into a wall before collapsing on the floor.

**(J: 4,000) - - - - - - - - - - (A: 6,300)**

There was a long pause as the harpies stared at the petite Shadowchaser.

"I think she might be dead," Iole finally spoke up.

"That's a forfeit, right?" Omeros asked.

"Probably," Alcestis shrugged. "I don't think anyone's ever dropped dead prior to the duel's end before…but still, I'll take it. Eat up!"

The harpies whooped in joy, but their ecstasy was short-lived as Justine slowly got to her feet, looking livid.

"You turkeys really shouldn't jump to conclusions," she spat. "I may have taken a big hit, but I'm still in the game! And, just for stealing my Monster like that, I'm about to tear you a new cloaca!"

"Go ahead and try," the harpy matriarch jeered. "It's your move."

Justine growled and drew her next card.

_Not much for mounting an offense, _she thought to herself. _But I can at least hold her off for a little while._

"Okay," she said. "I'm Summoning another Kuriboh!"

Justine placed the card on her Disk, and the adorable brown puffball sprang up and bounced around in the meadow. (300 ATK) -) (800 ATK)

"And you expect _that _to help you against Kuribabylon?!" Alcestis screeched.

"Something like that," Justine muttered. "I'm activating Multiply, sacrificing Kuriboh to bring out five Kuriboh Tokens!"

The Shadowchaser slipped the card into her Duel Disk and her one Kuriboh suddenly became five, all of them crouched down in front of their master. (200 DEF)

"Now, I'll use the effect of my Kuriburrow again, this time to retrieve Kuriboh."

Another card shot out of her Graveyard slot, and she ended her turn.

"And with that, I end my turn."

_That ought to hold her for a few turns, _she thought.

Alcestis drew a card and stared at her two cards.

"Yes," she commented. "These will do nicely. I'll start by replacing this annoying Field of yours with my own. I activate Geartown!"

The Field Spell slot of Alcestis's Duel Disk opened up and she set a card within it, and just like that the area around them morphed again, turning into a city that seemed ancient and futuristic at the same time. All of the buildings were old and rusted, made with a combination of bricks and the same materials that composed Alcestis's Ancient Gear Monsters, and it was always rotating, whirring, or cranking.

"Nice, isn't it?" the harpy matriarch said with a smirk. "And it gets even better—you see, here in Geartown, Ancient Gear Monsters can be Summoned with one less sacrifice than they actually require, which means I can Summon Ancient Gear Engineer right away!"

She set her other card down, and a new Monster appeared. It looked a lot like Ancient Gear Knight, but slightly shorter, and with a clamp for one hand and an enormous drill for the other. It held its drill out in front of it, as if daring Justine to attack. (1,500 ATK)

"Now, both of my Monsters, wipe out those annoying Kuriboh Tokens!"

Kuribabylon rushed forward and rammed its horn into one of the Tokens, obliterating it, as Ancient Gear Engineer started up its drill and destroyed another one.

"And," Alcestis continued. "After Ancient Gear Engineer attacks, I'm allowed to destroy one of your Spell and Trap cards, and I'm getting pretty sick of looking at that Forced Requisition!"

Ancient Gear Engineer drove its drill through the Forced Requisition hologram and blew it to smithereens.

"That ought to keep my cards safe," she smiled.

"Way to go, Alcestis!" Omeros cheered. "You've got her on the ropes now!"

"Don't let up, boss!" Iole squawked. "I'm starving here!"

"Well, you're not getting any of these pigs!" Justine insisted as she drew her card and placed it in her Disk. "I activate Graceful Charity, to draw three more cards, and discard two!"

Three cards shot out of her Disk, and then she selected two and sent them into her Graveyard.

"And now, I activate the Pot of Greed, granting me two more cards!"

She took the cards out and looked them over, before slipping another one into her Graveyard.

"Next, I'll activate the effect of my Kuribenefactor, discarding it from my hand to draw two _more _cards, so long as I show you my hand afterward!"

The image of a female, golden Kuriboh with a briefcase appeared, and Justine snatched two more cards off of her deck, then turned her hand around for Alcestis to see.

Alcestis' eyes went wide as she stared at Justine's hand. She only recognized two cards! In addition to Kuribookworm and the Spell card Reload, Justine was holding a low-level Kuriboh-like Monster named Kuribowman, and two weird-looking Spell card called Detonate and Kuribeckoning. This girl was clearly obsessed!

"This is ridiculous!" she screeched. "I've never so much as heard of any of these cards!"

"Not my problem," Justine shrugged, concealing her hand once again. "The effect requires that I have to show you my hand—it doesn't say anything about explaining their effects. Anyway, I'll continue my move by activating Detonate!"

She slipped the card into her Duel Disk, and, suddenly, her Kuriboh Tokens rushed forward. One of them latched onto Ancient Gear Engineer's helmet, another to Kuribabylon's horn, and the final one onto the nearest building.

"_Kuri, kuri!" _they all chirped in unison, before they started glowing and finally self-destructed, taking what they were holding with them and returning the players, harpies, and pigs back to the swine barn's interior.

"As you can see, Alcestis, Detonate allows me to destroy all Kuribohs and Kuriboh Tokens on my field to wipe out one of your cards for each one. Now the field is once again clear!"

Alcestis cracked a smile, which slowly built into hysteric laughter.

"'Clear', you say?" she cackled. "Not quite. You see, when Geartown is destroyed, I can bring out an Ancient Gear Monster from my hand, deck, or Graveyard! Say hello to my Ancient Gear Gadjiltron Dragon!"

A card slipped out of the harpy matriarch's deck, and she threw it onto the field, causing a terrifying abomination to rise up in front of her. It resembled a dragon only in the most basic shape, as it was a fully mechanical being, covered in gewgaws, sprockets, and doodads, with a massive pair of wings and a long, menacing tail. It spread its wings and roared. (3,000 ATK)

Justine, however, didn't even flinch. She just selected two cards from her hand and slipped them into the Graveyard.

"I'm activating the effect of my Kuribowman!" she declared. "By tossing him and one other card, I can negate the Special Summon of a Monster and destroy it!"

The ghostly image of a Kuriboh appeared on the field, this one a bright blue color with a Robin Hood hat, a bow, and a quiver full of arrows. It chirped, then took out an arrow and fired it at Ancient Gear Gadjiltron Dragon's breast. The monstrous Machine let out a roar before shattering into pixels.

Kuribowman tipped its hat at Justine and vanished into her Graveyard.

Alcestis's jaw practically hit the floor.

"M-my greatest Monster…toppled in an instant…and by a Kuriboh—how?!"

Justine just laughed at this.

"You just never stop underestimating my Kuribohs, do you?" she asked. "Well, there's even more to come! For my next move, I'm activating Kuribeckoning!"

She played the card, and the holographic image came up. It was a comical picture, showing three Kuribohs that Alcestis had yet to see (a rust-red one holding a shield, a yellow-brown one with a cowboy hat, and black and white one with the colors arranged in the form of a yin-yang wearing a headband and a black martial arts belt) staring at a very distressed, bright yellow Kuriboh with a bishop's miter and a staff, which was holding up a big sign that read "EMERGENCY!".

"If I have five or more 'Kuri' Monsters in my Graveyard, and we both know I do, this card allows me to Special Summon up to five of them in Attack Mode—and I think you know exactly which ones I'm choosing!"

In five bright flashes of light, Kuriba, Kuribe, Kuribi, Kuriboh, and Kuribu appeared once more before Justine.

"And now, I'll have them attack you directly!"

The five Kuriboh brothers chirped and rushed forward, scratching and biting at Alcestis. It didn't even hurt, but it was sure annoying. She angrily swatted them off as soon as she could as her Life Points plummeted.

**(J: 4,000) - - - - - - - - - - (A: 4,800)**

"And now that that's out of the way," Justine continued. "It's time for me to show you the final effect of my Kuriboh brothers, this one belonging to Kuribe!"

"And what's that?" Alcestis inquired, looking a little worried about what the answer could be.

"Why tell you when I can show you?" the petite girl laughed, then turned to her Monsters. "All right, boys! You know what to do!"

"_Kuri, kuri!"_ the turquoise powder puff chittered, nodding before ramming into the other four, sending them bouncing off in four different directions. They started bouncing off of invisible walls and ceilings, the floor, and even each other, their movements seemingly chaotic, but they appeared to know what they were doing.

At long last, all four of the critters met right back with the turquoise Kuriboh and they collided in a puff of smoke, and, when it faded, there was a whole new Monster in their place: larger Kuriboh, about the size of Kuribabylon, with dark grey fur, long fangs, and an eyepatch-bandana combo that gave it a pirate-like appearance. (1,000 ATK)

"Say hello to Kuribandit!"

All of the harpies in the barn could do nothing but stare in silence at this new, pirate-themed Monster.

"I can see you're speechless," Justine smirked. "I don't blame you. This is where a lot of my opponents go mute.

"Let me explain Kuribandit's ability. Kuribe allows me to bring him out by removing him and all four of his brothers from the game. 'Why would I do this', you ask? Well, normally I wouldn't, but Kuribandit helps me when I'm low on cards. You see, by sacrificing Kuribandit…"

At these words, Kuribandit vanished in a cascade of light.

"I get to draw five cards…"

She took five cards off of the top of her deck.

"So long as I toss any Monsters drawn through this effect—but that's not a problem with my Reload card!"

She slipped the card into her Duel Disk, and then shuffled her hand back into her deck and drew five more cards.

"Using this combo, I'm able to draw five cards without paying a dime! Cool, huh?"

"Clever, I'll admit," Alcestis replied with a scowl. "But you've still got nothing left on your field."

"Easily remedied," Justine shrugged. "I'll just Set a Monster in Defense Mode and end my turn."

She set a card down and a holographic card's back materialized in front of her.

"Your move, pigeon-girl."

That quip struck a nerve on one of the harpies.

"'Pigeon-girl'?!" Iole raged, her wings beating furiously. "Oh, you impudent, foul-mouthed little beast! How dare you compare my sister to those disgusting, mindless rats with wings! Forget the duel! I'll tear you apart myself!"

She leapt off her perch and began flying toward Justine, but was quickly pulled aside by Omeros.

"Are you mad?!" he demanded, struggling to hold her. "She may have a gun! And even if she doesn't, she's a Shadowchaser with a sword! You know they can hold their own!"

"I don't care!" Iole shrieked. "That brat needs to be taught a lesson!"

"And she will!" Alcestis screeched. "Just as soon as I've defeated her. And if it makes you feel any better, sister, you may be the one to kill her before my son dines."

That seemed to calm Iole. She stopped fighting against Omeros's hold, and perched down next to him.

"Now," the harpy matriarch said. "Where were we?"

"It was your move," Justine informed.

"Right," Alcestis replied, drawing a card. "Thank you. I'll just play a card facedown and end my turn."

"That's all you _can _do," Justine smirked, drawing a card.

"And all I need!" the harpy leader shot back. "Since you now hold six cards in your hand, and I have none, I can activate Gamble!"

Her facedown card lifted up, and a holographic coin appeared, spinning in midair.

"Now, if I call this toss correctly, I get to draw until I hold five cards."

"Yeah," Justine smirked. "But if you don't, you have to skip your next turn, and I can promise you that that'll cost you the duel. You're taking a bigger risk than you think."

Alcestis began to sweat at this.

"She's bluffing, Alcestis!" Omeros shouted. "No Kuriboh is strong enough to deal 4,800 points of damage in two turns!"

"You're jumping to conclusions again," Justine smirked. "My deck has secrets that I've yet to reveal. I could have some very tough customers waiting in the wings. Now, Alcie, go ahead and make your call. Just remember—it could make or break this duel for you."

Alcestis gulped, but finally managed to choke out a single word.

"Tails!"

The coin was thrown high up in the air, spinning faster and faster, before it finally hit the ground.

It was tails.

The harpy matriarch heaved a big sigh of relief and drew five cards.

"Well, even _with _those cards, there's no guarantee that you'll win!" Justine announced. "Summoning another Kuribull!"

She played the card and another large, bestial furball burst into being. (2,100 ATK)

"And I'll also Flip-Summon my Kuribrain!"

Her defensive Monster's hologram vanished and was replaced by a creature that was obviously based on Einstein. It was a small, grey Kuriboh with wild hair, glasses, and a small, toothbrush moustache. (300 ATK)

"It just keeps getting weirder and weirder…" Iole muttered.

"Yes, it does," Justine agreed. "You see, Kuribrain, like Kuribookworm, has been studying all his life, but unlike Kuribookworm, he's been studying Synchro Summons—in other words, he's a Tuner! So, I'm bringing him and Kuribull together to form a whole new Monster! Get to it, boys!"

Kuribull snorted and vanished into five glowing stars, and Kuribrain leapt over and allowed them to absorb into his body, slowly morphing him into something new. In a few seconds, where Kuribrain had once stood, there was a large, purple Kuriboh with a pencil-thin moustache and a monocle. (2,400 ATK)

"Say hello to Kuriblueblood, one of the higher class of the Kuriboh community! "Now, Kuriblueblood, attack directly!"

"_Kuri, kuri," _Kuriblueblood said, in a deep, husky voice, before running forward and slashing Alcestis across her chest, sending her reeling back.

**(J: 4,000) - - - - - - - - - - (A: 2,400)**

"Now, I'll just set a card facedown and end my turn."

Another holographic card's back appeared behind Kuriblueblood.

"The girl wasn't kidding when she said she'd win if Alcestis had lost that coin toss!" Omeros exclaimed.

"Kuribohs with all this power!" Iole wailed. "It's insanity!"

"But nothing I can't handle," Alcestis said, with a steely tone in her voice. "It's my turn, and I'm about to put things right!"

She drew a card, then smiled at her luck. This hand was amazing!

"Okay, girlie," she laughed. "I think I'll start by activating Ancient Gear Factory! This allows me to Summon a high-level Ancient Gear Monster—like my Ancient Gear Golem" (here she flipped one of her cards around and showed it to her opponent) "Without sacrifices, so long as I remove Ancient Gear Monsters in my Graveyard whose total Levels are exactly equal to double that of the Monster I choose to Summon—and my Soldier, Beast, Knight, and Cannon are exactly that!"

She inserted the card into her Disk and a carousel-like machine covered in stars erupted from the floor.

Justine, however, just smirked and slipped one of her cards into the Graveyard.

"I don't think so," she said. "Not while my Kuribishop has something to say about it, anyway!"

Another ghostly image appeared in front of the small Shadowchaser, this one the same bright yellow Kuriboh with the bishop's miter and staff that was featured on the Kuribeckoning card. It cooed and waved its staff over the machine, causing it to shatter into pixels.

"Let me guess," Alcestis said, annoyed. "Discarding it allows you to negate and destroy one of my Spell cards?"

"Bingo!" Justine laughed. "I won't be facing an Ancient Gear Golem this turn!"

"Too true," Alcestis replied, snickering evilly. "I actually have even _bigger _plans, and they start with _this_! Ancient Gear, in Attack Mode!"

She threw a card onto her Disk, and a small robot appeared in front of her. It was shoddily built, just a gear attached to an old motor and wheels with two spindly arms coming out. (100 ATK)

"But why stop at one? I activate Machine Duplication to bring out two more!"

She played the card, and two more of the little Machines materialized, this time in Defense Mode. (800 DEF x2)

"And that's just the beginning, because with three Ancient Gear Monsters out, I can activate _this_! Go, Spell Gear!"

Justine gasped as Alcestis played the card and the Ancient Gears disappeared.

"Now, by sending three Monsters with 'Ancient Gear' in their name—or in this case, _as _their name—to the Graveyard, I can ignore the rules and Special Summon _two_ Ancient Gear Golems from my hand and deck!"

With a loud rumble, two towering colossi burst out of the floor. They towered above the players, standing at least fifteen feet tall, loudly rumbling as their gears and cogs struggled to mesh. Unlike the other Ancient Gear Monsters, these had hands, and they were the size of Piggy Mama! (3,000 ATK x2)

"You were right, girlie," the harpy matriarch cackled. "You _won't _be facing an Ancient Gear Golem this turn—you'll be facing _two_!"

"Way to go, Alcestis!" Iole whooped. "That's enough to wipe her out of the game!"

"Yeah!" Omeros agreed. "Unless she has a Kuriboh in her hand, she's finished!"

"I can honestly say that I don't," Justine smirked. "I guarantee that there's nothing in my hand or on my field that can protect me from your Golems."

All around the barn, the harpies stared at her suspiciously, wondering if this Shadowchaser was off her nut.

"Well, I'm not worried," Alcestis insisted. "That smug look on your face is just a bluff. You're trembling inside because you know what's coming! Now, Ancient Gear Golems, atta—!"

"Hang on!" Justine interjected. "I activate a Trap card, Emergency Trash Barricade!"

The harpies stared at Justine's facedown card, but it didn't lift. Instead, the ghostly image of a Trap card materialized in front of her, magnified to twenty times its normal size. It bore the image of a group of terrified people piling up garbage to block an oncoming attack.

"I wasn't lying when I said there was nothing in my hand or on my field that could protect me," Justine said, grinning wide as the hologram vanished. "I _did_, however, have something in my Graveyard, namely my Emergency Trash Barricade!

"You see, this Trap card can only be activated from my Graveyard after being discarded from my hand or deck by a card's effect, which I did myself when I activated Kuribu's effect. With it there, once per duel, I can end either player's Battle Phase whenever I please, and I choose right now!

"Sorry, Alcie, but your assault will just have to wait!"

"Oh, very well!" Alcestis snarled. "I'll just play a card facedown and end my turn!"

"And that means it's time for Kuriblueblood's special ability!" Justine declared as a facedown card materialized in front of the harpy matriarch. "During the End Phase of any turn that I discard a 'Kuri' Monster to activate a card's effect, I get to draw one card for each 'Kuri' Monster that I tossed!"

"You'd best be careful," Omeros jeered. "You'll deck yourself out at this rate."

"Not likely," Justine responded, drawing her card. "One way or another, this duel will likely be over before that."

_I just hope it's in my favor,_ she thought as she drew again.

"Activate Trap!" Alcestis suddenly squawked. "Go, Drop Off! Now you have to discard whatever you just drew!"

"No, I don't!" Justine shot back, slipping one of her cards into her discard pile. "You remember Kuribookworm, don't you?"

Alcestis snarled as the bespectacled Kuriboh appeared on the field and destroyed her Trap card.

"You just ditched one card to save another," she growled. "You must have really wanted to save whatever you just drew."

Justine said nothing, but inside she was panicking.

_No kidding!_, she thought as she stared at the card she had just drawn. _This card is my key to winning…but it's useless right now! I'll have to hold out for at least another turn. Good thing I have just the way to do it!_

"I activate my Kuriblessing Spell!" she announced, slipping a card into her Disk.

The image of the card sprang up, and it was a peculiar one. It depicted Kuribishop tapping its staff on a Winged Kuriboh's head.

"This card grants me three-hundred Life Points for every 'Kuri' Monster in my Graveyard! And, if you've been counting, I have eleven!"

Images of Kuriboh, Kuribabylon, Kuribandit, Kuribrain, Kuribowman, Kuribishop, Kuribenefactor, two Kuribookworms, and two Kuribulls appeared all around Justine, and quickly absorbed themselves into her. Her Life Points shot way up.

**(J: 7,300) - - - - - - - - - - (A: 2,400)**

"That's all I've got for now," she declared. "So I'll just end my turn and draw a card from Kuriblueblood."

She drew her card, and all attention turned to Alcestis.

"All right, girlie," she said, drawing a card and immediately playing it. "I'm activating the Spell card, Trade-In! Now, by tossing the Level Eight Ancient Gear Golem in my hand, I can draw two more cards!"

The harpy's Duel Disk spat out two cards, and she eagerly snatched them up and looked them over.

"Now, I'll summon another Ancient Gear Knight!" she shouted, slapping one of them onto her Disk.

Another old, rusted Machine appeared on the field, but, once again, Justine simply smirked and discarded two cards.

"Oh, what now?!" Iole shrieked. "Don't tell me she you can—?!"

"That's right," the Shadowchaser interrupted. "By discarding my little friend Kuribomber and one other card, I can negate one Normal Summon and destroy the Monster!"

Another Kuriboh popped up, this one orange in color and carrying two black cartoon bombs. It cooed and tossed the explosives at the Ancient Gear Knight, blowing it to smithereens before disappearing.

"Well, I have another card to play!" the harpy matriarch raged. "I'll equip one of my Golems with Ancient Gear Tank to increase its Attack Score even further!"

She played the card, and a device similar to a motorcycle (definitely NOT a tank), just the right size for one of the Golems, appeared next to the Golem on the right. The juggernaut climbed on and revved the engine. (3,000 ATK) -) (3,600 ATK)

"Now, I'll—!"

"Hang on!" Justine interrupted again. "I'm activating my facedown card: Interdimensional Matter Transporter, to remove my Kuriblueblood from the game for the rest of the turn!"

The facedown card lifted, and a strange, silvery device mounted on a tripod materialized on the field. It hit Kuriblueblood with a beam of light and they both vanished without a trace.

"Fool!" the harpy matriarch cackled. "Now you'll have to take my attacks directly!"

_My least favorite part of the plan_, the Shadowchaser thought, trying to tighten her muscles to withstand the oncoming assault.

"Go, my Golems!" Alcestis screeched. "Turn that girl into roadkill!"

The stronger of the two Machines rode forward and crashed into the girl, sending her crashing into the wall and onto the floor once again. Then, just as she was picking herself up, the second one charged over and punched her with all its might, knocking her back down.

**(J: 700) - - - - - - - - - - (A: 2,400)**

The harpies broke into hysterics, barely able to breathe, as Justine slowly picked up her cards, got to her feet, and checked herself for injury.

_Two arms, two legs, and one head_, she thought. _Good, I'm all there. Lucky me—that last attack was pretty much how Houdini died!_

"What in the world?!" Omeros squawked. "How is this girl even still breathing?!"

"I'd say she has dwarven blood," Iole commented. "But she's far too scrawny for that!"

Justine just laughed, though it was very painful for her.

"I told you that you need to stop jumping to conclusions," she chuckled. "You assume that just because I'm small, I can't take a hit. Well, here I am, living proof that you're wrong!"

"The 'living' part will be changed soon enough!" Alcestis quipped. "You have almost no Life Points left, and I control _two _Ancient Gear Golems, and even if you _do_ manage to destroy them, you'll lose six-hundred Life Points due to my Ancient Gear Tank's effect, which will leave you with only one-hundred left! Face it, you have no chance of winning!"

"And more jumping to conclusions," Justine choked out. "For your information, I have a _very good _chance of winning!"

"What are you blathering on about?" Alcestis raged. "You've lost and you know it!"

"I haven't lost," Justine said calmly. "I may have done a lot of drawing in this duel, but I remember every single card, and, out of the seven cards left in my deck, there are three that would allow me to win this duel. So, I've got just one turn left, and I'm betting everything on my one draw!"

"'One'?" Omeros repeated, puzzled. "What about your Kuriblueblood's effect?"

Iole smacked him upside the head for that one.

"Oh, right, Kuriblueblood," Justine realized as that very Monster appeared back on the field. "Yeah, his effect doesn't work this time. He returned too late. It's one of those 'missed your chance' deals."

"A relief for us," Alcestis said with a grin. "Now, draw your final card so we may end this duel once and for all!"

Justine nodded and closed her eyes as she reached for her deck.

_Please, _please _be one of those three cards!_, she begged inside her mind as she drew a card. Slowly, very slowly, she moved it right in front of her face and opened her eyes.

_Yes!_

"Okay, Alcestis," she called out. "It's time I wrapped things up! First of all, I'm Summoning Kuribelle, in Attack Mode!"

She slapped the card onto her disk and a new Kuriboh appeared, this one a mauve-colored female with a wide-brimmed sun hat and a parasol. (300 ATK)

"Next, I'm activating Kuribrain's special ability. You see, if he's in the graveyard after being used in a Synchro Summon to bring out a 'Kuri' Monster, I can Special Summon him back to the field!"

There was a flash of light, and the Einstein-esque Kuriboh appeared back on the field, chittering happily.

"Now, it's time for another Synchro Summon! Let's get together, little buddies!"

Kuriblueblood and Kuribelle nodded and vanished from view, leaving behind seven stars that absorbed themselves into Kuribrain's body. This time, its shape changed far more drastically, becoming taller, skinnier, and more humanoid.

When the light faded, Alcestis saw a Monster that was by no means a Kuriboh. He looked like a heroic knight, decked out in armor with a shield emblazoned with a golden dragon in his left hand, and a gleaming longsword in his right. His skin was richly tanned, his hair a beautiful golden blonde, and his face richly tanned with sharp, feral features and long, pointed ears. (2,600 ATK)

"Say 'hello' to Jalal the Dragonborn!"

Indeed, this new Monster was the spitting image of her boss (although the actual Jalal rarely wore armor), and not by accident. He gave one of these to every Shadowchaser after they had passed all of their tests. No normal duelist had access to these.

"Bah, Jalal!" Alcestis spat. "He and that Treaty are always getting in the way of our meals! Still, he's weaker than either of my Ancient Gear Golems, and crushing his avatar _would _be pretty satisfying…"

"You won't get the chance!" Justine spat. "I'm ending this right here and now! Now, I equip Jalal with Kuriblanket!"

_Sorry, Jalal,_ she said inside her head.

She played yet another card, and a small cloth appeared. It was designed to look just like a Winged Kuriboh. Quickly, the cloth wrapped itself around Jalal's face, giving off the appearance that a Winged Kuriboh had sprouted out of his neck.

The harpies burst into peals of laughter upon seeing Jalal defamed by his own representative.

"You're just making this more entertaining for me, girlie!" Alcestis laughed. "In addition to making your Monster look ridiculous, he hasn't even gained a single point!"

"I'm aware of that!" Justine snapped. "But it'll all make sense soon. For now, I'm activating Jalal's effect! By paying half of my Life Points, I can remove one Spell or Trap card from either Graveyard…"

Her Life Points dropped slightly as a card shot out of her Graveyard.

**(J: 350) - - - - - - - - - - (A: 2400)**

"And then, Jalal gets a little something called a Rune Counter."

Jalal's sword glowed bright with golden energy, and a strange symbol appeared on it.

"And then, by simply eliminating the Rune Counter, Jalal can activate the effect of the card I just removed, without even having to give any sort of payment, should the card require it!

"And _here _is the card I just removed!" she finished, flipping the card around.

It was Multiply.

Jalal became enshrouded in magical energy, and when it faded, there were four Kuriboh Tokens surrounding him, crouched down in Defense Mode. (200 DEF x4)

"Okay," Omeros shrugged. "So now you have a full field. So what? None of those Monsters are strong enough to take on either of Alcestis's Golems!"

"They don't need to be," Justine smiled. "Because I don't plan on attacking. I have just one more card to play, and it's a doozy."

"Oh, really?" Alcestis quipped. "Then let's see it!"

Justine just shrugged.

"As you wish," she said, inserting the card into her Disk. "I activate…Kuribazooka!"

There was a bright flash of light, and a large bazooka covered in glittering stars appeared slung over the petite Shadowchaser's shoulder. It seemed to be taking all of her strength just to hold it properly.

"This card brings a whole new meaning to the term 'live ammo'," she laughed. "You see, for every 'Kuri' Monster I sacrifice, I can blast you for five-hundred points of Direct Damage!"

"That's…two-thousand points!" Iole whooped. "Close, but not enough to win!"

Justine sighed and rolled her eyes.

"You guys just won't stop jumping to conclusions, will you?" she complained. "Any Monster equipped with Kuriblanket is treated as both Kuriboh and Winged Kuriboh!

"In other words, I don't have _four _shots—I have _five_!"

Upon hearing this, every harpy in the room gasped and began beating their wings in panic.

"That's right," Justine smirked. "It's over.

"All right, guys!" she shouted, addressing her Monsters. "One last maneuver! Let's go!"

"_Kuri, kuri!" _the four Tokens chirped, just prior to turning into balls of light and flying into the bazooka. Shortly after, Jalal turned to Justine and smiled before mimicking their move.

Taking careful aim, Justine fired all five shots and knocked Alcestis right off her perch and behind Piggy Mama's pen.

**(J: 350) - - - - - - - - - - (A: 0)**

"Game over, Alcestis," the Shadowchaser declared as the holograms faded. "Looks like the only food your flock will be seeing in the foreseeable future will be brought to them on a metal tray."

Alcestis, however, just got to her feet and began laughing hysterically. Slowly, the rest of her flock joined in.

"Silly girl!" the harpy matriarch cackled, spreading her talons. "You actually thought I'd keep my word! My flock will eat their fill and take their leave, and, after the beating you've suffered through, there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop us!"

Once again, in the face of crisis, Justine just smirked and rolled her eyes.

"Oh, _I _won't be doing anything!" she countered. "You see, I _knew_ you wouldn't keep your word, so, while you were busy attacking your own chick, I was sending a quick text message to Shadowchaser Headquarters asking for backup!"

"Really?" Iole shrieked. "And just where is this 'backup'?"

"Right here!" a British-accented voice rang out, coming from just outside the barn.

The door behind Justine burst open, and a dozen armed and heavily-muscled dwarves charged in, three of them carrying the three harpies from outside, which had been knocked unconscious, and the rest of them pointing their weapons straight at the harpies around the room.

"Good work getting word to us about this near-disaster, Justine," said the one who appeared to be the leader. "We can take it from here."

"My pleasure, Hank," she replied. "You sure you don't need me for anything else?"

"Nah. We'll call you to get your side of the story later. For now, we have processing to do. Just taking the flock over to Headquarters, investing the crime scene, et cetera, et cetera. Boring stuff, really. Just go enjoy the Fair and we'll contact you tonight."

"Thanks," Justine responded. "Good luck."

Then, just for kicks, she turned to Alcestis and grinned wide.

"_Now _do you see how much trouble can come from jumping to conclusions?"

_**Another day, another criminal sent packing. I've gotta say, it's very satisfying to beat someone so narrow-minded. It really made my day—even more so than the Fair itself! Still, there are a lot more people and Shadows like that out there. I'll just have to find and change them, one by one…**_

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**FIVE-STAR TWILIGHT (Spell Card)**

**Normal Spell**

**Image: **Five multicolored stars with the five Kuriboh brothers hiding behind them.

**Card Description: **Offer 1 Level 5 Monster on your field as a sacrifice. Special Summon "Kuriboh", "Kuribi", "Kuribu", "Kuriba", and "Kuribe" from your deck to the field.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBA (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **1

**ATK: **300

**DEF: **200

**Card Description: **You can offer a face-up "Kuriba", "Kuribe", "Kuribi", "Kuribu", and "Kuriboh" as a sacrifice together to Special Summon one "Kuribabylon" from your hand, deck, or Graveyard to the field. This card cannot be used as a sacrifice except to Special Summon Kuribabylon.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBE (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **1

**ATK: **300

**DEF: **200

**Card Description: **If you remove a face-up "Kuriba", "Kuribi", "Kuribe", "Kuribu", and "Kuriboh" on your field from play, you can Special Summon one "Kuribandit" from your hand or deck to the field. This card cannot be used as a sacrifice except to Special Summon Kuribabylon.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBI (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **1

**ATK: **300

**DEF: **200

**Card Description: **Once per turn, if either "Kuriboh", "Kuribi", "Kuribe", "Kuribu", or "Kuriba" is designated as the target of an attack, you can lower the ATK of the attacking Monster to 0 and negate the attack. This card cannot be used as a sacrifice except to Special Summon Kuribabylon.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBI (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **1

**ATK: **300

**DEF: **200

**Card Description: **Once per turn, if either "Kuriboh", "Kuribi", "Kuribe", "Kuribu", or "Kuriba" is designated as the target of an attack, you can lower the ATK of the attacking Monster to 0 and negate the attack. This card cannot be used as a sacrifice except to Special Summon Kuribabylon.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBU (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **1

**ATK: **300

**DEF: **200

**Card Description: **You can discard one Trap card from your hand to the Graveyard to reduce the ATK of one Monster on your opponent's field by 1500. This card cannot be used as a sacrifice except to Special Summon Kuribabylon.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBABYLON (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **5

**ATK: **?

**DEF: **1,000

**Card Description: **This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card must first be Special Summoned by offering a face-up "Kuriboh", "Kuribi", "Kuribu", "Kuribe", and "Kuriba" as a sacrifice together. This card's ATK is equal to the combined ATK of the sacrificed "Kuriboh", "Kuribi", "Kuribu", "Kuribe", and "Kuriba" when they were tributed. During your Main Phase or when an attack that this card makes is negated, you can sacrifice this card to Special Summon "Kuriboh", "Kuribi", "Kuribu", "Kuribe" and "Kuriba" from your Graveyard to the field.

_Note: The preceding six cards were first used by Yugi in the "Yu-Gi-Oh!" episode "Fate of the Pharoah, Part 1". Creative credit goes to the writers of that episode._

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBANDIT (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **3

**ATK:** 1,000

**DEF: **700

**Card Description: **This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card must first be Special Summoned by removing "Kuriba", "Kuribi", "Kuribu", "Kuribe", and "Kuriboh" on the your field from play. While this card is face-up, you can offer it as a sacrifice to draw 5 cards. Any Monsters drawn this way are discarded to the Graveyard. This effect can be activated on your opponent's turn as well.

_Note: This card was first used by Yami Yugi in the "Yu-Gi-Oh!" episode "Grappling with a Guardian, Part 2". Creative credit goes to the writers of that episode._

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBOOKWORM (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level:** 1

**ATK: **300

**DEF: **200

**Card Description: **During your turn, you may discard this card from your hand to negate the activation of an opponent's Trap card and destroy it.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBISHOP (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level:** 1

**ATK: **300

**DEF: **200

**Card Description: **During your opponent's turn, you can discard this card from your hand to negate the activation of a Spell card and destroy it.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBOMBER (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level:** 1

**ATK: **300

**DEF: **200

**Card Description: **When your opponent Normal Summons a Monster, you can discard this and one other card from your hand to negate the Summon and destroy the Monster.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBOWMAN (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level:** 1

**ATK: **300

**DEF: **200

**Card Description: **When your opponent Special Summons one or more Monsters, you can discard this and one other card from your hand to negate the Summon and destroy the Monster(s).

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBELLE (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level:** 1

**ATK: **300

**DEF: **200

**Card Description: **When you would take Direct Damage from an opponent's card effect, you can discard this card from your hand to reduce the damage to 0.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBRAIN (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Tuner

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level:** 1

**ATK: **300

**DEF: **200

**Card Description: **During your Main Phase, if this card is in your Graveyard after being used to Synchro Summon a "Kuri" Monster, you can Special Summon this card back to your field. Afterwards, if this card leaves the field, it is removed from play.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBULL (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level:** 5

**ATK: **2,100

**DEF: **1,400

**Card Description: **You can Normal Summon this card without a sacrifice. If you do so, this card is destroyed during your End Phase.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBENEFACTOR (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level:** 1

**ATK: **300

**DEF: **200

**Card Description: **During your Main Phase, you can discard this card from your hand to draw two cards. Afterwards, show your opponent your hand.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBLUEBLOOD (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Synchro/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level:** 6

**ATK: **2,400

**DEF: **1,600

**Card Description: **_Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner Monsters_

During your End Phase, draw one card for every "Kuri" Monster discarded from your hand to activate an effect this turn.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBURROW (Spell Card)**

**Field Spell**

**Image: **A field full of holes similar to a prairie dog village with Kuribohs poking out their heads.

**Effect: **All face-up "Kuri" Monsters (this includes Tokens) gain 500 ATK. Once per turn, you may take one Level 1 "Kuri" Monster from your Graveyard and add it to your hand. You may not discard this Monster to activate a card's effect this turn.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBECKONING (Spell Card)**

**Normal Spell**

**Image: **Kuriblocker, Kuribuckaroo, and Kuriblackbelt staring at Kuribishop, which is running forward, panicked, and holding a sign that reads "EMERGENCY!"

**Effect: **You can only activate this card if you have 5 or more "Kuri" Monsters in your Graveyard. Special Summon 1 Level 1 "Kuri" Monster from your Graveyard to every available Monster Zone in Attack Mode. During the End Phase of the turn that this card is activated, destroy all face-up Monsters on your field.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBLESSING (Spell Card)**

**Normal Spell**

**Image: **Kuribishop tapping its staff on the head of a Winged Kuriboh.

**Effect: **Increase your Life Points by 300 for every "Kuri" Monster in your Graveyard.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBLANKET (Spell Card)**

**Equip Spell**

**Image: **Ojama Black covering itself in a sheet designed to look like a Winged Kuriboh.

**Effect: **A Monster equipped with this card is treated as both "Kuriboh" and "Winged Kuriboh".

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**KURIBAZOOKA (Spell Card)**

**Normal Spell**

**Image: **Several Kuribohs being loaded into a bazooka covered in glittering stars.

**Effect: **You may sacrifice any number of "Kuri" Monsters (this includes Tokens) on your field to deal your opponent 500 points of Direct Damage for each sacrificed Monster.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**EMERGENCY TRASH BARRICADE (Trap Card)**

**Normal Trap**

**Image: **Several panicked people piling up garbage as a makeshift shield for an oncoming attack.

**Effect: **This card can only be activated while in the Graveyard after being discarded from your hand or deck by a card's effect. Once per duel, during either player's turn, you may end the current Battle Phase whenever you wish.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**JALAL THE DRAGONBORN (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior/Synchro/Effect

**Attribute: **Light

**Level: **8

**ATK: **2,600

**DEF: **2,400

**Card Description: **_Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner Monsters_

This card cannot be Special Summoned except via Synchro Summon. Once per turn, during your Main Phase, you can pay half your Life Points to remove from play one Normal or Quickplay Spell or 1 Normal or Counter Trap from either Graveyard to place 1 Rune Counter on this card (max. 1). At any time during your or your opponent's turn, you may remove a Rune Counter on this card to duplicate the effect of the card that was removed from play as this card's effect.

_Note: This card was created by Cyber Commander. Creative credit goes to him._

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

(WHEW! THIS MAY BE THE HARDEST I'VE EVER WORKED ON A SINGLE CHAPTER! For those who don't know, before this, I'd never written a duel all by myself. It's actually a very satisfying feeling. WELL, I HOPE THIS IS UP TO PAR FOR A SHADOWCHASER FIC, and, even if it's not, I've got to say that I'm proud of myself. BUT STILL, FEEL FREE TO TELL ME WHAT _YOU _THINK IN THE FORM OF A REVIEW! Until next time, this is MultiplePersonas signing off!)


	2. Seasons Beatings

(Welcome back to my Shadowchasers fic. AFTER THE FUN OF WRITING THE LAST CHAPTER AND MULLING OVER A FEW IDEAS, I'VE DECIDED TO WRITE ANOTHER CHAPTER! OH, FRUBJIOUS DAY, CALOO, CALLAY! Seriously, though, there were some cards I wanted to use, and likewise some ideas. Plus, I'M STILL REALLY STRESSED! Anyhow, please enjoy chapter two of this fic. As usual, I've put a lot of work into it for your enjoyment, SO APPRECIATE IT!

Anyway, let's get these annoying disclaimers out of the way: "Shadowchasers" is owned by Cyber Commander, and used with his full permission, and "Yu-Gi-Oh!" is owned by Kazuki Takahashi, but what he doesn't know about this fic won't hurt him.)

** 0**

**Shadowchasers: Miscellaneous Files**

**Seasons Beatings**

** 0**

** 0**

_**Easy question: What is almost every child's absolute favorite holiday of the year? The answer: Duh, Christmas!**_

_**Christmas is a big deal in all Christian communities, and almost every country has a slightly different way of celebrating. Sadly, in recent decades, all the Christian countries' traditions have mostly blended together. Frankly, I find it appalling seeing proud traditions die, but when the world is slowly coming together, it's a confusing thing indeed. Anyway, I find it bad enough when Christmas is destroyed by the abandonment of old traditions, but when someone outright tries to destroy a person's holiday cheer just to improve their own, it makes me sick to my stomach. People like that are the worst of the worst, and, sad to say, I have to deal with them every year. Well, this time, I'm not pulling any punches, so let the game begin!**_

Have you ever gone to the mall on Christmas Eve? If you have, you probably belong in the nearest asylum. Christmas Eve is quite possibly the biggest shopping day of the year, when incredibly stupid last-minute shoppers are crammed butt-to-gut in all the local shopping centers, trying to get those last few gifts.

Even worse than the adults are the kids—greedy, whiny little brats who may be perfect angels under normal circumstances, but whose knowledge of upcoming presents turns them into merciless tantrum-throwing monsters.

Sadly, Christmas Eve mall patrol was one of the Shadowchasers' yearly traditions, as crowds are always good for concealing less than acceptable behavior, especially for urban Shadows, which are often masters of stealth.

Working in a team of two on this assignment were Rebecca Schafer, a medium-height blonde girl whose dark pantsuit and triangular glasses gave her the appearance of a schoolteacher, and Bruno von Klein, a short, quirky man with dark brown hair, an upturned nose, a smile that almost never faded. His sense of humor was practically legendary among the Shadowchasers, and it was well-known that he worked as a party clown before he had found his true calling.

"See anything?" Bruno asked his partner, looking around in all directions.

"Not a single Shadow is out shopping," Rebecca shrugged. "Makes sense—almost all of them are of religions older than Christianity."

"Since when is Christmas about religion?" Bruno chuckled, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, we aren't here for _shoppers_—we're looking for _criminals_!"

"Well, there are none of those, either. Face it, the only Shadows here are shopkeepers."

Just then, though, something caught the girl's eye. Looking down a flight of stairs, she saw a long line of children eager to see Santa Claus and tell him what kinds of gifts they wanted him to deliver. This was, of course, a completely normal Christmas tradition, but something seemed terribly off at the head of the line. Each child came up, sat on the fat man's lap, was asked if they'd been good the previous year, said "yes", and told him what they wanted as a nearby elf (not a Shadow, just a human dressed as a Christmas elf) took a picture and gave it to the child's parent, then sent the child off with a souvenir candy cane—but then things got odd. As the children talked to the man dressed as old Saint Nick, their cheery smiles slowly drooped away, and when they got up to leave, they looked downright depressed, which was quite obviously very odd for a child this time of year.

"Hey, Bruno," she said, pointing to the occurrence. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Joystealer!" they said simultaneously.

"What is a joystealer?" you may ask. Well, the answer to that is in a short history lesson on Shadowkind. You see, five-hundred years ago, two entire fey races made an exodus from their original dimension to earth, known as the Eoshee and the Unseelie. The Eoshee were kindly, joyous creatures, while the Unseelie were bodiless phantoms that fed on negative emotions. The two races were immortal, had been fighting for millennia, and had one day decided to make a wager (without even _consulting_ the Shadowchasers) to determine the futures of their races. The Unseelie won by cheating, and turned the Eoshee into slaves, each one serving a single Unseelie and stealing emotions from helpless victims for them. These Eoshee became known as joystealers.

Shortly after this wager, the Shadowchasers discovered that the Unseelie had cheated and declared them an outlaw race, but they resisted arrest and traveled the world. Each Unseelie had to be hunted down and destroyed. Still, it was pretty easy for an Aware to identify one, because they tended to leave a trail of listlessness and despair. The children, who were mostly Aware, probably saw that it wasn't human, too, but they were so used to seeing Shadows every day and too excited to see Santa to care or even notice.

"Dibs!" Rebecca laughed, pointing a finger at her colleague. "You got the last five!"

"Whatever, let's go get him!" Bruno suggested, about to bolt down the stairs when Rebecca grabbed him by his the collar of his shirt and held him back.

"Hold on there, Bruno!" she exclaimed. "We can't just go down and arrest Kris Kringle in front of a bunch of kids! We could scar them for life!"

Bruno stopped and thought about this for a moment, but then turned to her and nodded. "You're right," he agreed. "But we can't just let him get away with this!"

"And we won't!" she told him. "We just need to go about this in a less…traumatizing fashion. Now, I've got a plan…"

** 0**

Five minutes later, the plan had gone through perfectly. Bruno had found an opponent and quickly started a duel right next to the joystealer Santa, taking attention away from the holiday icon with his amusing Monsters, while Rebecca quietly snuck up behind the fat old man and grabbed him by the arms, forcing him to his feet.

"What? What is this?" the suspicious Saint Nick demanded, trying to turn and face his attacker.

"Agent Rebecca Schafer of the Munich Shadowchasers," the girl snapped. "I'm here to free you from that Unseelie's control once and for all!"

"Really now?" the joystealer Santa sighed. "Well, you have your work cut out for you, but if you really want to duel me, I _could _use a nice dinner. Let me go and I'll call my break."

Rebecca blinked in surprise. Usually joystealers weren't this cooperative.

"No funny business," she warned, but slowly she released him.

The joystealer turned to face her and she got her first good look at him. He was a very plump Eoshee, which was just another thing that made him unusual, with curly white hair and a matching fake beard and moustache, and hot pink skin. His eyes were orange, with no pupils or irises to speak of, but they were puffy and stained with tears. It made sense—joystealers were often as depressed as their victims. He was dressed up in the traditional red suit, red hat, and black boots found on so many Santas.

"Thank you," he said with a nod, though he still looked very sad. "You're very kind—you know that'll only hold you back in the world, don't you?"

"Just declare your break," Rebecca sighed. "My colleague will keep the kids busy until we return."

The joystealer Santa sighed and reached into his jacket's front pocket, pulling out a red and green sign decorated with pictures of bells and mistletoe, which said "**CHECKING ON ELVES—BACK IN 20 MINUTES"**.

"Okay," he moaned. "Let's get moving. I know a place we can do this in private."

"We don't have to, you know," Rebecca informed. "I could free you right now if you'd just resist that creature's commands."

The joystealer Santa looked directly at her with his big, sad eyes, but said nothing. Slowly, he turned around and began leading her down the halls.

"The hard way it is," Rebecca muttered, picking up the pace and following him.

The joystealer Santa led her down through a maze of corridors, into a dark, dusty one that she had never seen, which made sense as there were no stores or carts in it, and up to a door that said, in big, bold letters, "**EMPLOYEES ONLY**". Swiftly, the joystealer Santa pulled out a key, unlocked the door, and pushed it open, leading Rebecca into a room filled with boxes of holiday decorations: big plastic Easter bunnies, Valentine's hearts, and Halloween jack-o'-lanterns, all packed away until it was time to once again parade them out in a sickeningly commercial display.

The joystealer Santa waddled over to the other side of the room and plucked a Duel Disk off of a shelf, then pulled out a deck, shuffled it, and inserted it into the Disk's deck slot.

"Now…'Rebecca', was it?" he moaned, strapping the Disk onto his arm. "Get ready to experience true agony."

"Yeah, yeah," Rebecca groaned, taking out her own Duel Disk and inserting her deck. "You're hardly the first Unseelie I've faced, and you won't be the last, either. Now, can we just get this over with?"

"Very well," the joystealer Santa sighed. "Let's duel."

The two duelists activated their Duel Disks' holo-imagers and the room began to glow with a soft blue light.

**(Rebecca: 8,000) - - - - - - - - - - (Joystealer Santa: 8,000)**

"If you don't mind, and even if you do, I'll take the first turn," the Kris Kringle impersonator insisted as he drew six cards and Rebecca drew five. He stared at his hand and showed the faintest hint of happiness before setting a facedown card.

The brown, vertical back of a Spell or Trap card appeared in front of him.

"End turn," he sighed.

Rebecca stared at him suspiciously.

"That's it?" she asked. "No Monsters at all?"

"No," the joystealer Santa moaned, looking disappointed.

_Weird,_ the Shadowchaser thought. _He looked impressed with his opening hand, but he only played one card, and it wasn't even a Monster! Whatever this card is, it must be good—maybe even the Unseelie's card!_

Another lesson on Unseelies: though they are bodiless creatures, they are bound to their slave by an object that the slave was emotionally close to, like a piece of jewelry or a favorite book. However, when Duel Monsters rolled around, the Unseelie saw that they could spread misery by racking up wins, and began inhabiting a key card in the joystealer's deck, usually a Monster that was very hard to kill. Still, sometimes it was a Spell or Trap card, instead.

"Okay…" she said, drawing her sixth card. "Well, don't expect that facedown to protect you! I'm Summoning Glife the Phantom Bird, in Attack Mode!"

She slapped a card onto her Duel Disk, and a giant, red bird sprang up in front of her. (1,500 ATK)

"'Glife the Phantom Bird'?" the joystealer echoed. "I…I don't think I've ever faced that card…"

"Yeah, probably not," Rebecca shrugged. "Anyhow, Glife has a really cool special ability—when he's Summoned, I get to destroy a Spell or Trap card on the field, so say good-bye to that facedown!"

Glife rapidly beat his wings and whipped up a strong wind that blew the facedown card into the air and caused it to shatter into pixels.

The joystealer Santa's face was downright impossible to read.

"…Anyway," Rebecca continued. "Glife, attack directly! Phantom gust!"

Once again, Glife beat his wings and blew a powerful gust that caused the Santa actor to tumble backwards and fall on his rump.

**(R: 8,000) - - - - - - - - - - (JS: 6,500)**

"That'll do for now," Rebecca said, giggling slightly as the joystealer clumsily got to his feet.

The Santa impersonator slowly brushed himself off and drew a card from his deck.

"Okay," he said. "I'll play two cards facedown and end my turn."

Two more holographic card backs appeared side by side in front of him.

Rebecca couldn't help but stare.

"Two turns and still not a single Monster to defend you?" She inquired, baffled. "What kind of crazy deck is this?!"

"You'll see soon enough," the joystealer said solemnly. "Now, make your move."

Rebecca said nothing as she drew a card, but the joystealer had something to say.

"Activate Trap card!" he declared. "Go, Macro Cosmos!"

One of the fake Saint Nick's facedown cards lifted up, revealing a Trap card with the image of a scrawny man behind some sort of complex star map.

"For as long as this Continuous Trap is active—."

"All cards that would be sent to the Graveyard are instead removed from play," Rebecca finished. "I know—but why didn't you use its other effect to Special Summon Helios the Primordial Sun?"

"It's not in my deck," the joystealer moped. "But I wouldn't worry about that if I were you. You're about to feel my deck's _true _power!"

"When?" Rebecca said with a smirk. "You've done practically nothing so far!"

"Right now."

Suddenly, a strong, eerie wind blew across the field. Glife shuddered and held his wings close to his breast before shattering into pixels.

Rebecca also felt whatever it was, and it was cold—not in terms of temperature, but mood. It was as if she was being hit by pure agony and despair. She barely even noticed her Life Points drop.

**(R: 7,000) - - - - - - - - - - (JS: 6,500)**

"W-what was th-that?" the Shadowchaser said, shivering furiously.

"_Why, that was me, of course," _said a new voice, one that was coming from very near the Santa actor.

Rebecca knew instantly who was speaking. It was the joystealer itself, speaking to her for the first time. Once again, there was a chill passing through her.

"What do you mean?" she demanded. "Where are you?"

"_Remember that card that you sent to the grave with Glife's effect?" _it asked. _"Well, that was my vessel—a Spell card called Silent Pain."_

The ghostly image of a Spell card appeared in front of the joystealer. It bore the image of an evil-looking doll (the Monster known as Malice Doll of Demise) staring forward with an evil smile.

Rebecca looked doubtful. "But, if I destroyed your vessel, then shouldn't you be—?"

"_Dead?" _the Unseelie finished. _"Normally, yes, but this vessel is a special case. You see, this card only gains life when it is sent to the Graveyard, so, by destroying it, you made me stronger, not weaker. And, so long as my vessel is the only card in the Graveyard, during each of your Standby Phases, all of your Monsters will be destroyed, and you'll take one-thousand points of damage! Oh, the delicious agony!"_

"You're awfully brave to tell me exactly which card you inhabit," the Shadowchaser commented. "Now I know exactly which card I need to eliminate."

"_But you're no closer to actually doing it," _the Unseelie chuckled. _"After all, it's rather difficult to kill something that's already dead!"_

Rebecca scowled as she looked over her hand. The Unseelie was right—nothing she had right now could possibly destroy something that wasn't on the field, and there might only be one card she had that could! She'd just have to keep fighting until she had what she needed.

"I'm Summoning another Monster!" she announced. "Say hello to Rumpelstiltskin, in Attack Mode!"

She placed the card on her Disk, and a small, ferocious-looking imp leapt out, laughing maniacally. He was dressed in the clothes of a peasant, and his expression suggested insanity. (2,200 ATK)

"'Rumpelstiltskin'?" the joystealer Santa repeated, casting a suspicious glance. "I've never seen that card, either. Was it just released?"

"No," Rebecca said with a grin. "It's older than I am."

"Then why have I never seen it before?" he demanded. "Or heard of it, for that matter?"

Rebecca said nothing in response, aside from "Rumpelstiltskin, attack directly!"

The fiendish imp leapt forward, but when he was just two feet away from the Kris Kringle impersonator, he stopped, and five holographic card backs appeared above him.

"What in the world is _this_?!" the joystealer exclaimed.

Rebecca sighed and put a hand on her cheek.

"_This_ is Rumpelstiltskin's effect," she replied. "He's far too strong not to have a drawback, so whenever he attacks, you choose a card from my hand at random and guess whether it's a Spell, Trap, or Monster card."

"_And if he guesses right?" _the joystealer inquired.

"Rumpelstiltskin is destroyed," the Shadowchaser answered. "But I'm not too worried about that. Your chances of guessing right aren't exactly good."

The joystealer Santa paused for a minute, deep in thought.

"Well," Rebecca said, getting antsy after a full minute of this. "Get on with it!"

"_Patience, child," _the Unseelie laughed. _"I'm savoring the moment. You may act confident, but I can sense your insecurity, and it is delicious."_

"How can you still be hungry?!" she exclaimed. "You've been feeding on kids all day!"

"_No, I haven't," _it replied, causing her eyes to go wide in shock. _"You know we Unseelie prefer _real _negative emotions over artificially created ones."_

"Then why act as a mall Santa?"

"_Silly girl! With my slave instilling depression and despair in every single child and sending them home mopey and listless, I'm preparing myself for a feast! You see, when the kids open their gifts on Christmas morn, there will be no joy to the world in their minds, and when their parents see their children's sad reactions to the gifts that they bought with their hard-earned money in their menial jobs, they won't show it, but they'll be boiling over with frustration and gloom, and I'll have a city-wide banquet!"_

"You're insane!" Rebecca spat.

"_To quote the great Oscar Wilde, 'In all manners of opinion, our adversaries are insane'," _the Unseelie responded. _"All that matters is that in the end, I'll have a feast fit for a king!"_

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Rebecca snapped, before turning to face the joystealer. "Now, make your guess!"

"Fine, fine," he replied, shaking his head. "I'll guess that the card on the far left is…a Monster!"

Rebecca scowled as the card turned around to reveal a Monster card.

Rumpelstiltskin vanished in a puff of smoke, but that didn't even catch the joystealer's attention. He was too focused on the Monster card that had been displayed. It featured the image of a feral wolf in an old woman's pink cap and nightgown.

"That was…that was Forest Wolf!" he exclaimed. "I know that card! It was used by a famous duelist decades ago, and his deck was one of a kind! How can _you _have it?!"

"Well, I didn't steal or copy it, if that's what you're thinking," the Shadowchaser replied smugly.

"Then that can only mean…"

"That's right!" Rebecca replied. "My mother's maiden name was Rebecca von Schroider, daughter of the famous Leon von Schroider, and this deck was once his!"

The joystealer was shocked into silence by this new information, so the Unseelie took over.

"_A descendant of a legendary duelist, eh? Well, if you think that scares me, you're dead wrong! Great duelists have it tough, because their decks are known to all, and people can design decks specifically to defeat them! Besides, just because this deck has been hiding from the world for a while doesn't mean it's all that strong!"_

"Whatever," Rebecca shrugged. "It's your move."

The joystealer sneered and drew a card, then inserted it into his Duel Disk.

"I activate the Spell card, Magical Mallet!" he declared, the image of a Spell card with the image of a fancy golden mallet springing up. "I'll use it to shuffle my entire hand into my deck, and draw an equal number of cards."

He removed his deck from his Disk, shuffled in his hand, reinserted it, and drew four cards.

"End turn."

"That's all?" Rebecca said, raising an eyebrow. "You're just leaving yourself vulnerable, you know."

"The beauty of a Silent Pain deck is how little its user must do to win," the Santa impersonator replied grimly. "I have almost all that I need as it is."

Rebecca rolled her eyes and drew her card, then braced herself as Silent Pain once again activated.

"Is that all you've got?" she taunted.

"Why no," the joystealer replied sadly, inserting a card into his Disk. "It isn't. I'm activating Silent Torment."

"What?!" Rebecca objected. "You can't activate a Spell card on your opponent's turn!"

"Incorrect," the Saint Nick impostor corrected. "That's the _only _time that I can activate this card. You see, by removing it from play after Silent Pain's activation, I can deal you an extra thousand points of damage."

The ghostly image of another Spell card sprang up, this one featuring Malice Doll of Demise looking over the shoulder of a man whose face had a blank, zombie-like expression, and another strong, cold wind blew over Rebecca.

**(R: 5,000) - - - - - - - - - - (JS: 6,500)**

"Whatever," Rebecca snapped. "Now, I'm bringing out Forest Wolf, and attacking directly!"

She slammed a card onto her Duel Disk, and the disguised wolf (1,800 ATK) leapt up, then pounced forward and sank its teeth into the joystealer's arm, taking a chunk out of his Life Points.

**(R: 5,000) - - - - - - - - - - (JS: 4,700)**

"Your move, Kringle."

As the joystealer drew his card, the Unseelie began to cackle.

"_You think you can win in time?" _it laughed. _"You're dead wrong! You don't have a chance of destroying my vessel _or _winning! Give up now!"_

"It couldn't matter less to me how this goes," the joystealer sighed. "Everything inevitably leads to despair, anyway."

"'Everything'?" Rebecca repeated. "That's ridiculous! Some things bring nothing but joy!"

"Name one," the fake Santa replied.

Rebecca rolled her eyes. "The holidays, of course! World peace, family togetherness—"

"And hours of hard work as you hemorrhage money on gifts for greedy brats and relatives you hardly see, and worst of all, with your own kids, _you _don't even get the credit—it's always Santy Claus who gets the thanks! Yes, the holidays are wonderful!"

"Aw, come on! Don't you love all the holiday movies and specials?"

"_Miracle on 34__th__ Street, It's a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Carol, A Christmas Story, A Charlie Brown Christmas_—I've seen them all. They're just terrible clichés. I grew tired of them long ago."

"Wow, you just named ever movie on my annual marathon tonight…well, what about snow?"

"What about frostbite?"

"So, you like the sun, then?"

"Melanoma."

"Sunsets?"

"Light reflecting off of pollution."

"Puppies?"

"Rabies."

"Cookies?"

"Diabetes."

"Duel Monsters?"

"Losing."

"Friendship?"

"Judas."

Rebecca sighed. Clearly, she wasn't about to get through to him.

"Just take your turn." she told him.

"I pass," he replied instantly. "I have nothing to play right now."

Rebecca stared at him, but then shrugged and drew a card. Instantly, Silent Pain activated, destroying Forest Wolf and taking more of her Life Points. Still, when she looked at her card, she couldn't help but smile.

"All right, Unseelie!" she declared. "Prepare for the end! I Summon Rose-Red, in Attack Mode!"

She threw a card down onto her Disk, and a young girl with black hair and a bright red cloak appeared before her. (1,400 ATK)

"And when she's Summoned, I can bring out Snow-White!"

A card shot out of her deck, and she placed it on her Duel Disk. Another girl, completely identical to Rose-Red, but with blond hair and a white cloak, appeared. (800 ATK)

"And now, to take things even further, I'm equipping Rose-Red with Tailor's Belt, which grants her two-hundred Attack Points for every Monster on my field!"

She inserted a card, and a belt appeared on Rose-Red's tiny waist. Its buckle bore the words "**SEVEN IN ONE BLOW**". (1,400 ATK) -) (1,800 ATK)

The Unseelie just chuckled slightly.

"_And I should be worried because…?"_

"Because for each Monster I have, it also increases her Level by one, and Snow-White happens to be a Tuner! And now, I'm bringing them together!"

Rose-Red nodded and dissolved into five glowing stars (the belt shattered as she did), and Snow-White smiled and absorbed them into her body. Slowly, she began to change, becoming taller and more masculine.

When the light faded, where there was once a sweet young girl there was now a strong, noble knight in shining armor with deeply tanned skin, a gleaming sword and shield, and bright blonde, almost gold, locks. He struck a heroic pose. (2,600 ATK)

"Say hello to Jalal the Dragonborn!"

"_Hello," _the Unseelie said. _"And good-bye."_

Instantly, the joystealer inserted a card into his Duel Disk and the ghostly image of a Spell card featuring the image of Malice Doll of Demise standing in a vortex appeared. A low moan echoed across the field, and Jalal collapsed to his knees and shattered into pixels.

"What the—what did you just do?!" Rebecca gasped.

"I activated my Silent Space card," the joystealer replied, pocketing the card. "By removing it from play during your turn while Silent Pain is in my Graveyard, I can destroy one of your Monsters."

"_Surprised, Rebecca?" _the Unseelie sniggered. _"I knew all about that accursed card you Shadowchasers use, and how it could've drained me of my life. Lucky for me, I was prepared. Now, what are you going to do?"_

Rebecca frowned and looked at the four cards in her hand.

"Nothing," she said. "I end my turn."

**(R: 4,000) - - - - - - - - - - (JS: 4,700)**

"_I figured as much. Now, my slave, make your move."_

The joystealer Santa groaned and drew a card from his deck.

"I activate the Pot of Greed to draw two more cards," he said, unenthusiastically inserting a card into his Disk. The image of a giggling green jar appeared and vanished as the Santa impersonator drew two cards.

"A card based on the concept of greed?" Rebecca commented. "Not the type of thing you'd expect from jolly old Santa Claus, is it?"

"Oh, don't get me started on that," the joystealer shot back. "This holiday once celebrated the birth of a messiah, but now is nothing more than a yearly tribute to greed and commercialism!"

"I know, I know," the Shadowchaser sighed. "Still, I'm a little surprised that you haven't made a 'Silent Night' joke by now…"

"Jokes aren't my style," the joystealer replied. "Anyway, I have a couple more cards to play this turn."

The Field Spell slot in the joystealer's Duel Disk opened up, and he inserted a card. All around the two, the scenery changed, from a cramped storage room to a gigantic canyon with an eerie light around it.

"Welcome to Necrovalley," the joystealer said. "Now, the Graveyard is off-limits to both players, so Silent Pain isn't going anywhere.

"Now, I'll set a card and end my turn."

A holographic card's back appeared in front of him and he waved her off.

_Great, _Rebecca thought to herself as she drew a card. _Now it's going to be even harder to win, and downright impossible to get rid of that Unseelie._

She braced herself for the effect of Silent Pain, but before it came, the joystealer Santa Claus shouted, "Activate Trap! Go, Ojama Trio!"

The facedown card he'd set just seconds ago sprang up, revealing a Trap card with the image of three imps, one yellow with big red lips and eyestalks, one green with one big eye and a lolling tongue, and one black with sharp little teeth and a big nose. All three of them were wearing nothing but bright pink briefs.

Instantly, three Monster Tokens identical to the imps on the card appeared in front of Rebecca, and then were blasted apart when Silent Pain activated.

"Now, not only do you take the damage from Silent Pain, but you also lose three-hundred Life Points for each one destroyed."

Rebecca gritted her teeth as her Life Points were drained.

**(R: 2,100) - - - - - - - - - - (JS: 4,700)**

"Nice move," she said, gasping for breath. "But now, brace yourself, because I'm Summoning Iron Hans!"

She slapped a card down, and a knight materialized in front of her. He was a tall, tough-looking guy, dressed in grey chain mail and holding a very large, very sharp axe. His hair was long, brown, and shaggy, and his beard was exactly the same. There was a strong, defiant look in his eye. (1,200 ATK)

"And when he's Summoned, I get to Special Summon an Iron Knight from my deck!"

A card slipped out of her deck and she placed it on the field. Next to Iron Hans appeared a knight in brilliant white armor holding a lance and riding atop a beautiful white horse. (1,700 ATK) -) (700 ATK)

"Now, both of you, attack directly!"

Iron Hans rushed forward and slashed the Saint Nick impostor with his axe, and right afterward, Iron Knight came up and speared him with his lance. The force of the combined attacks sent the joystealer once again falling on his rear, his hat falling off to reveal two gigantic, pointed ears, at least a foot long each. He snatched it up, put it on, and once again climbed clumsily to his feet as his Life Points fell.

**(R: 2,100) - - - - - - - - - - (JS: 2,800)**

"End turn." She said.

The joystealer nodded and drew a card, then simply waved his hand.

"You're…just passing?" Rebecca guessed, looking surprised. "I mean, I know you haven't done much, but…"

"I have all that I need for now," he replied. "It is your move."

Rebecca shrugged and drew her card, then cringed as Silent Pain activated, obliterating her Monsters and taking another chunk of her Life Points.

**(R: 1,100) - - - - - - - - - - (JS: 2,800)**

_Take it easy, girl, take it easy, _she thought to herself. _One turn at a time. Of course, at this rate, I won't have many turns left! I've got to do something…oh, but there's nothing good in my hand right now! I'm having the worst luck in this duel!_

"I Summon Forest Hunter to the field!" she declared, slapping down another card.

A muscular, green-clad archer with an impressive blonde moustache and beard popped up, fingering his bow. (1,200 ATK)

"Forest Hunter, attack directly with forest arrow!"

The archer nodded and notched an arrow, then fired it right at the joystealer's heart. The Santa impersonator grunted as it struck, and narrowly avoided falling backwards again.

**(R: 1,100) - - - - - - - - - - (JS: 1,600)**

"You're just one step away from losing!" Rebecca called out.

"_As are you," _the Unseelie replied. _"Just a couple more turns, and you will be my well-deserved supper."_

"Fat chance!" Rebecca snapped. "Now, I end my turn! Go ahead, give me all you've got!"

"I intend to," The joystealer replied, drawing a card. "Soon enough. For now, though, I pass my turn."

"You're kidding!" Rebecca exclaimed. "How can you possibly expect to win without at least erecting some defenses!"

"_I guarantee you, he does quite well," _the Unseelie assured. _"Monsters usually just weigh this deck down, anyway."_

Once again, Rebecca just shrugged and drew her card, then shielded herself as Silent Pain destroyed her Forest Hunter and dealt her more damage.

**(R: 100) - - - - - - - - - - (JS: 1,600)**

"_You are on your last legs, my dear," _the Unseelie cackled. _At the beginning of your next turn, my card will drain what little life you have left. Now, make your last pathetic move!"_

"By all means," the Shadowchaser sneered. "I'm Summoning Bone of the Wild Boar!"

She set a card on her Duel Disk, and once again a new Monster appeared, this one a decomposing boar's tusk, dulled and cracked with age. It was as long as Rebecca's arm, but otherwise it was in no way threatening. (200 ATK)

"_And so it ends," _the Unseelie cackled. _"Not with a bang, but with a whimper. You really are a pitiful example of your organization, aren't you?"_

"I'm not pitiful, and I'm not going out!" the girl insisted. "My grandpa and grandma never gave up, and neither will I! Bone of the Wild Boar, attack the old elf directly!"

Like magic, the bone flew into the air, spiraling like a boomerang as it flew at the fake Saint Nick. It slashed him across the arm, but he barely reacted, likewise his Life Points.

**(R: 100) - - - - - - - - - - (JS: 1,400)**

"Is that all?" the joystealer asked, looking forlorn.

Rebecca nodded.

"Too bad," he said. "I was expecting more of a challenge. I'm always disappointed…"

"Oh, you won't be," Rebecca assured with a smile.

_At least I hope not!,_ she trembled inside.

The joystealer just sighed and drew a card, then waved its hand, passing its turn for the third time in a row.

"There's nothing more I can or need to do," he moaned. "Let's just finish this."

"_Yes," _the Unseelie agreed. _"The sooner the better!"_

Rebecca scowled and snatched a card off of her deck, and the accursed Spell card once again activated, tearing across the field and shattering the boar's tusk.

Rebecca's Life Points, however, stayed exactly the same.

"_What?!" _the Unseelie exclaimed. _"How are you still standing! That last blow should have finished you!"_

"On the turn that Bone of the Wild Boar is destroyed, all effect damage I take is reduced to zero," Rebecca smirked. "Guess the card wasn't so pathetic after all, was it?"

The joystealer frowned even more, which Rebecca wouldn't have thought possible.

"So now you're barely hanging in there," it moped. "And on your next turn, before anything can be done, you'll lose the last of your Life Points. You must be as miserable as me right now."

To his surprise, Rebecca smiled wide.

"Are you kidding?" she replied. "All this pressure really gets me amped up! I love a duel with lots of twists and turns, especially one that pushes me up against a wall!"

_I just hope it doesn't crush me, _she thought, looking over her hand. The cards were the Monsters Hexe Trude, Globerman, and Seven Kids, and the Spell cards Spinning Wheel Spindle and 100 Year Awakening—all of them useless in this situation. The only card that _might _help was the one she'd just drawn. She'd have to place all her hopes on that.

"I activate the Spell card, Gold Moon Coin!" she declared.

She slipped a card into her Disk, and the image of the card materialized in front of her. It showed a landscape with a colossal gold doubloon where the moon should be.

"And…what, exactly, does it do?" the joystealer asked, looking confused.

He only got more so when Rebecca walked up to him and handed him her cards.

"In exchange for giving you my entire hand, I get to draw an equal number of cards from my deck," the Shadowchaser explained, walking back to her previous spot and drawing five. "Now I have a whole new hand, and one last chance to win this!"

_Sweet!, _she cheered inside as she examined her hand. _Just what I needed!_

"I activate Giant Trunade!" she yelled, playing a Spell card. "Returning all Spell and Trap cards to our hands!"

A strong wind blew across the field, and all the cards currently on it vanished, and they returned to the cramped storage room.

"And now, I Summon Water Nixie in Attack Position!" she declared, slamming another card down onto her Disk.

A new Monster sprang from the ground, this one a wild-looking woman with clawed, webbed hands and feet, long, green hair filled with seaweed, blue, scaly skin, and a skimpy dress made out of kelp. She bared her sharp, shark-like teeth at the joystealer. (1,800 ATK)

"What?!" the joystealer exclaimed. "Nixies are _much _more attractive than _that_!"

"Yeah," Rebecca agreed. "This deck isn't all that reliable in the depictions of Shadowkind, but I'm not complaining about this girl, since she's about to win this for me!"

"Wrong!" the Santa impostor insisted. "I'm activating another Silent Space card to destroy it!"

He played the card, and the Nixie let out a loud shriek before shattering into pixels.

"_There goes your last hope of victory," _the Unseelie cackled.

"I don't think so," Rebecca countered. "I'm playing two cards facedown!"

Two holographic card backs appeared in front of her.

"And that's all!" she announced.

"_Ha!" _the Unseelie laughed. _"Good luck winning before the beginning of your own turn! Now, my slave, finish her!"_

The joystealer nodded and drew a card, adding to his already enormous hand.

"You may have gotten rid of my cards on the field, but not for good," he said. "I can easily play them again, and reset my perfect strategy."

"Then go ahead," the Shadowchaser grinned. "Play some cards. I dare you."

The joystealer stopped, then cast a long, careful glance at his opponent. She looked completely confident, not at all doubtful.

"I-I don't know what to do…" he confessed.

"_Play your cards again, you imbecile!" _the Unseelie snapped. _"I can't have you discarding anything to keep the hand size limit!"_

"That's right," Rebecca confirmed. "Even a single card could kill him. Wouldn't you like that?"

A confused look crossed the Santa actor's face, but quickly vanished.

"No!" he insisted. "I can't afford that! I activate Necrovalley, and set three cards facedown!"

The room returned to the dimly-lit canyon, and three cards appeared in front of the joystealer.

Rebecca's smile grew into a tremendous grin.

"Gotcha!" she shouted triumphantly. "I activate my Trap card, Dust Tornado, to destroy that Necrovalley!"

Her facedown card lifted up, revealing a Trap with the image of a tornado filled with captured debris. A powerful cyclone blew out of the card and surrounded the players. After a few seconds, the canyon scene shattered and they were once again in the storage room.

"What?!" the joystealer panicked. "No!"

"_You little brat!" _the Unseelie shrieked, along with some other words that can't be printed. _"How could you do this to—?!"_

And then there was silence. The Unseelie had been killed.

"If Silent Pain isn't the only card in the Graveyard, it does nothing but take up space," Rebecca said, more to herself than the joystealer, who was now just an Eoshee in stunned silence. "Guess I _was_ able to kill what was already dead."

The Eoshee looked at her and smiled wide.

"Yes, and I can't thank you enough!" he laughed. "I'm finally freed from that awful beast's bondage! How can I ever repay you?"

Rebecca smiled and rolled her eyes.

"Don't worry about it," she told him. "Now, uh, since the Unseelie's dead, do you want to forfeit the duel, or what?"

The Eoshee Santa frowned and thought about it.

"Do _you _want me to surrender?" he asked.

"Not if you don't want to," the Shadowchaser replied. "You've still got five minutes left on your break, and I hate to see a good duel go unfinished. Go ahead and make your move. No matter how it goes, this duel is almost over."

"As you wish," the Eoshee said with a nod. "I'm Summoning a Monster you gave me last turn—Seven Kids, in Attack Mode!"

He played the card, and seven young goats jumped onto the field, bleating loudly. (700 ATK)

"They may not be the strongest Monsters around, but they're good enough. Sorry, but I'm attacking directly!"

The goats bleated and ran forward, charging fast.

"Don't be sorry," Rebecca giggled. "Especially since I'm not letting this attack go through. I activate Poison Apple!"

Her facedown card lifted up to reveal a Trap card with the image of a decrepit old hag handing a bright red apple to a fair-skinned maiden. The apple glowed with a toxic green light.

Instantly, a _real _apple flew out of the card, right into the lead goat's mouth. The goat choked it down and dropped to the ground, comatose. Following its example, the other kids dropped down and curled up for a nap.

"This card selects one of my opponent's Monsters, and leaves it unable to attack or change its battle position for as long as it remains on the field. I won't be finished so easily!"

"Well, that's all I've got," the Eoshee shrugged. "It's your turn, and give me your best shot!"

Rebecca grinned wide and drew a card.

_Not much, _she thought. _But good enough._

"I activate the Spell card, Cold Wave!" she declared, inserting a card into her Disk. "This'll freeze our Spell and Trap cards in place!"

A sudden burst of cold passed over the field, and all of the players' Spell and Trap cards were encased in blocks of ice.

"And finally, I'll Summon Tom Thumb to the field, in Attack Mode!"

Rebecca played the card and a new Monster sprang up. It was a young, innocent-looking, incredibly tiny boy with green peasant's attire and a green wool hat. He had a sheath on his left hip. (1,300 ATK)

"Tom Thumb, attack! Piercing strike!"

Tom Thumb leapt forward and pulled the weapon out of his sheath, revealing it to be a simple sewing needle. Nonetheless, he swiped through the goats with numerous, rapid strikes, and caused them to shatter into pixels.

**(Rebecca: 100) - - - - - - - - - - (Eoshee Santa: 800)**

"Very nice," the Eoshee Santa congratulated. "But I still have a few Life Points left. I can turn this around."

"No, you can't," the Shadowchaser informed. "When the Monster targeted by Poison Apple is destroyed in battle, you lose eight-hundred Life Points."

The Poison Apple card glowed and shattered, unleashing a blast of energy at the Eoshee.

**(R: 100) - - - - - - - - - - (ES: 0)**

With that, the holograms shut off.

"Excellent game!" the Eoshee Santa chortled. "It was quite exhilarating! I haven't had so much fun in centuries, thanks to that beastly abomination enslaving me! And you really are quite a duelist, worthy of your grandfather's deck!"

"Thanks," Rebecca said. "So, you're sure you're okay now?"

"Yes," the Eoshee Santa nodded. "I think I can handle things until now. I have a job to do, after all. I really need to make up for what I've done and spread some Christmas cheer. Although…if you could contact the other local freed Eoshee, I could use some help cheering up the children who have already gone home miserable."

"You've got it," Rebecca assured. "We'll have them dispatched and restoring cheer in no time."

"Oh, bless you, child," he chortled, walking over and opening the door for her.

"Oh, God bless us, every one," she replied with a giggle.

**_Oh, wow. I can't believe I actually made that joke! That was _so _lame! _**

_**Still, at least I freed that poor Eoshee. Now there's one less Grinch in the world, and the holidays are once again a time of peace and joy. I'd say that this was a pretty good day, and I finished just in time for my yearly movie marathon, too. Not bad. Not bad at all.**_

** 0**

**SILENT PAIN (Spell Card)**

**Normal Spell**

**Image: **Malice Doll of Demise looking forward with a menacing grin.

**Card Description: **When only this card is in your Graveyard, during each of your opponent's Standby Phases, destroy all Monsters on your opponent's field and inflict 1,000 points of damage to the opponent's Life Points.

** 0**

**SILENT TORMENT (Spell Card)**

**Normal Spell**

**Image: **Malice Doll of Demise looking over the shoulder of a man who is clearly in a trance.

**Card Description: **By removing this card from play when a "Silent Pain" is activated, inflict 1,000 points of damage to your opponent's Life Points.

** 0**

**SILENT SPACE (Spell Card)**

**Normal Spell**

**Image: **Malice Doll of Demise standing in a void, holding a large axe.

**Card Description: **By removing this card from play while "Silent Pain" is in your Graveyard, destroy one of your opponent's Monsters. You can only activate this effect during your opponent's turn.

_Note: The preceding three cards were first used by the Masked Knight of Impassivity in the Yu-Gi-Oh! GX episode "Triple Play—Part 2". Creative credit goes to the writers of that episode._

** 0**

**GLIFE THE PHANTOM BIRD (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Winged Beast/Effect

**Attribute: **Wind

**Level: **4

**ATK: **1,500

**DEF: **1,200

**Card Description: **When this card is successfully Normal, Flip, or Special Summoned, destroy one Spell or Trap card on the opponent's field.

** 0**

**FOREST WOLF (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Beast/Effect

**Attribute: **Earth

**Level: **3

**ATK: **1,800

**DEF: **300

**Card Description: **This card can only attack one Monster during your Battle Phase. When this card is destroyed, all Monsters destroyed in battle by this Monster are Special Summoned to their owners' fields.

** 0**

**IRON HANS (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior/Effect

**Attribute: **Earth

**Level: **4

**ATK: **1,200

**DEF: **800

**Card Description: **When this card is successfully Normal, Flip, or Special Summoned, Special Summon one "Iron Knight" from your deck.

** 0**

**IRON KNIGHT (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior/Effect

**Attribute: **Earth

**Level: **4

**ATK: **1,700

**DEF: **700

**Card Description: **When "Iron Hans" is face-up on your field, this card loses 1,000 ATK.

** 0**

**HEXE TRUDE (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Spellcaster/Effect

**Attribute: **Earth

**Level: **8

**ATK: **2,600

**DEF: **1,800

**Card Description: **When this card destroys a Monster and sends it to the Graveyard as a result of battle, increase the ATK of this card by 400.

** 0**

**FOREST HUNTER (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior/Effect

**Attribute: **Earth

**Level: **3

**ATK: **1,200

**DEF: **800

**Card Description: **When this card is successfully Normal or Special Summoned, remove from play one Beast or Beast-Warrior-Type Monster on your opponent's field.

** 0**

**SEVEN KIDS (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Beast/Effect

**Attribute: **Earth

**Level: **3

**ATK: **700

**DEF: **700

**Card Description: **When this card is successfully Normal or Special Summoned, destroy one Beast-Type Monster on your opponent's field, then inflict damage to your opponent's Life Points equal to the ATK of the destroyed Monster.

** 0**

**TOM THUMB** **(Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior

**Attribute: **Earth

**Level: **1

**ATK: **1,300

**DEF: **1,500

**Card Description: **_A tiny Warrior with a big heart. Despite his size, he has slain giants._

** 0**

**GLOBERMAN (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior/Effect

**Attribute: **Earth

**Level: **7

**ATK: **2,600

**DEF: **2,000

**Card Description: **This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned by the effect of "Giant's Training".

** 0**

**100 YEAR AWAKENING (Spell Card)**

**Normal Spell**

**Image: **A beautiful woman with flowing blonde hair, asleep in a bed of thorns.

**Card Description: **Send one face-up "Curse of Thorns" on your field to your Graveyard. Special Summon one "Thorn Princess" from your hand or deck to your field.

** 0**

**SPINNING WHEEL SPINDLE (Spell Card)**

**Normal Spell**

**Image: **A spinning wheel with a large, sharp spindle.

**Card Description: **Destroy one Monster on the field. Three turns after this card is activated, the destroyed Monster is Special Summoned to its owner's side of the field.

** 0**

**GOLD MOON COIN (Spell Card)**

**Normal Spell**

**Image: **A landscape with a gold doubloon where the moon should be.

**Card Description: **Give all cards in your hand to your opponent. Draw the same number of cards that you gave your opponent from your deck.

_Note: The preceding twelve cards were first used by Leon Wilson (AKA Leon von Schroider) throughout the fifth season of the original Yu-Gi-Oh! series. Creative credit goes to the writers of those episodes._

** 0**

**ROSE-RED (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior/Effect

**Attribute: **Earth

**Level: **3

**ATK: **1,400

**DEF: **800

**Card Description: **When this card is successfully Normal, Flip, or Special Summoned, Special Summon one "Snow-White" from your deck in Attack position.

** 0**

**SNOW-WHITE (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior/Tuner

**Attribute: **Earth

**Level: **3

**ATK: **800

**DEF: **1,400

**Card Description: **_The twin sister of Rose-Red. She is far more studious and withdrawn than her sister._

** 0**

**TAILOR'S BELT (Spell Card)**

**Equip Spell**

**Image: **A leather belt with a buckle that reads "SEVEN IN ONE BLOW".

**Card Description: **A Monster equipped with this card gains 1 Level and 200 ATK for every face-up Monster on your field.

_Note: Though Leon did grease some palms to have these cards made, and Rebecca was the reason he did, they are not unique. These cards, along with a Synchro that didn't make it in, were mass-produced and released in booster packs. Rebecca doesn't even own the original copies._

** 0**

**BONE OF THE WILD BOAR (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Zombie/Tuner

**Attribute: **Earth

**Level: **2

**ATK: **200

**DEF: **400

**Card Description: **On the turn that this card is destroyed, all effect damage dealt to its controller is reduced to 0.

** 0**

**WATER NIXIE (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fish/Effect

**Attribute: **Water

**Level: **4

**ATK: **1,800

**DEF: **1,000

**Card Description: **This card cannot be destroyed by the effects of Trap cards that designate a target.

** 0**

**RUMPELSTILTSKIN (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior/Effect

**Attribute: **Earth

**Level: **4

**ATK: **2,200

**DEF: **1,500

**Card Description: **If you have no cards in your hand, this card cannot attack. When this card attacks, your opponent selects one card in your hand at random and guesses whether it is a Monster, Spell, or Trap card. If they guess correctly, this card is destroyed.

** 0**

**POISON APPLE (Trap Card)**

**Continuous Trap**

**Image: **A decrepit old hag handing a ripe, red apple to a fair-skinned maiden. The apple is glowing with a toxic green light.

**Card Description: **Select one Monster your opponent controls. It cannot attack or change its battle position as long as this card remains active. When the selected Monster is destroyed, destroy this card. If the selected Monster is destroyed as a result of battle, deal 800 points of direct damage to your opponent.

_Note: This card was created by MichaelDJ54. Creative credit goes to him._

** 0**

(WHEW! SO MANY ORIGINAL CARDS! AND THAT'S WHY I LOVE LEON'S DECK—IT'S FULL OF SURPRISES! Anyhoo, like the last chapter, this one was very exciting to write, AND HOPEFULLY TO READ AS WELL. At this rate, I may just get into this. WELL, YOU KNOW THE DRILL: Leave long reviews, and no flames, please! 'TIL NEXT TIME!)


	3. That Which Glitters Can Go Blind

(Ah, back again, are you? EXCELLENT! I KNOW I'VE BEEN AWAY FOR A WHILE, COMING UP WITH IDEAS AND WORKING ON OTHER FICS, but I've had the idea for this chapter for quite a while now, AND I FINALLY COMPLETED THE DUEL TO GO WITH IT. SO, YOU KNOW, ENJOY!

Oh, and, of course, "Shadowchasers" is owned by Cyber Commander and I use it with his permission, and "Yu-Gi-Oh!" is owned by Kazuki Takahashi, BUT DOESN'T HE HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO THAN SKIM THE WEB SEARCHING FOR THINGS TO SUE OVER?)

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**Shadowchasers: Miscellaneous Files**

**That Which Glitters Can Go Blind**

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…**.**_**(You'll understand in a minute)**_**….**

Charleston, West Virginia. It's…um…yeah, well…huh. Well, it's not a _bad _place, just…I really don't know of anything noteworthy about…oh, whatever. On the west side of the city, there was a new bar called The Surly Snake, and it was booming with business, almost packed with patrons.

It was sunset when the door swung open and a woman sauntered in. To a Mundane eye, she would appear as an olive-skinned woman in her early forties with a long, green gown, dark brown dreadlocks, and a big pair of rhinestone-covered sunglasses. Awares, however, could clearly see that her olive skin was covered in scales, and that those dreadlocks were actually hundreds of tiny living snakes. She was a gorgon, a member of a race of reptilian Shadows famous for their ability to petrify others with their gaze. Though often portrayed as monsters, many of them, including this one, were benign.

Sighing, the gorgon, whose name was Leanne, took a look around the bar. As with most taverns, it contained several orcs and bugbears, but an immense number of another race of Shadows had attracted the Shadowchasers' attention to this bar. There were literally dozens of kobolds, short, lizard-like Shadows best known for their cowardice. They were whooping it up, taking long drinks from bottles of green liquor with pictures of hooded cobras on the labels.

_Bingo, _she thought to herself, and she walked up to the counter.

The bartender, who was in the middle of cleaning a mug, didn't notice Leanne at first. He was a half-orc, easily the most common breed of Shadow-touched (the term for half-human, half-Shadows), with a noticeably muscular frame, a big, flat, piglike nose and tiny, watery eyes. He was dressed in brown slacks and a plaid flannel shirt, and he was currently busy cleaning off a large mug. Finally, he looked up at the gorgon and smiled.

"What can ah getcha, darlin'?" he asked politely, which for someone descended from orcs was suspicious enough.

"Well," Leanne replied gently. "I heard a rumor that this bar was the only one in town that sells…"

"Viperwine?" the bartender finished for her. "That's right, little lady. Ah take it yeh want a bottle?"

"Actually," a new voice announced from the doorway. "We'd like to see your license."

The bartender snarled and looked up at the speaker. He was a middle-aged man dressed in a dark brown three-piece suit with a Duel Disk on his arm. He was quite bald, but with a very prominent moustache that dipped down and then viciously curved up to look like a pair of parentheses. There was an African grey parrot perched on his shoulder and munching on an ear of corn.

"Ah—ah don't know what yer talking about," the bartender suddenly stammered. "License fer what, exactly?"

"Oh, please," the man said, rolling his eyes. "Don't play dumb with me, mister…?"

"Call me Buck," the bartender replied. "And ah told yeh, I don't know what yer talkin' about!"

"I'm afraid you do," the man replied, still quite calm. "You see, my friend Leanne here—"

"Hi," the gorgon said with a wave.

"—just heard you admit to selling viperwine, and she'd be happy to stand witness in any court. Now, from your sudden change in attitude, I'm guessing that you don't have a license. You know how dangerous that is, don't you? Viperwine contains venom of the Indian viper—delicious to reptilian Shadows, but quite deadly to anyone else. Anyone who sells it has to prove that they can be trusted with it."

"Aw, cut the lecture, old man!" Buck snapped. "Yeah, ah admit it! Ah ain't got no license—not that it's fer lack o' tryin', mind yeh! That exam is darn near impossible!"

"Be that as it may," the man replied. "You haven't the clearance to sell this substance, so I'm afraid I have to shut you down and ship you off. However, you can make this easy on yourself by going quietly. If you do, I promise that your sentence will be reduced—just thirty days in a minimum-security prison and a fine."

"Forget that!" Buck snarled. "Yeh say that now, but as soon as yeh have me, I'll be in fer years! I'll take mah chances!"

With that, the porcine bartender reached below the bar and pulled out a Duel Disk and deck.

"So, I take it you're challenging me to a duel?" the man asked.

"That's right," Buck replied. "And when ah win, you Shadowchasers leave me alone!"

The mustached man sighed, but nodded. "I figured as much," he said. "Well, I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Grant, and this—" he gestured to the bird on his shoulder. "—is my companion, Edward."

"Call me Ed," the parrot chirped.

"Yeah, whatever," the bartender responded, rolling his tiny eyes before raising his voice to address the rest of the bar. "ALL RIGH', EVERYBODY!" he shouted. "AH'M CLOSIN' UP FER A FEW! EVERYBODY OUT!"

The orcs and bugbears groaned and shuffled out, but the Kobolds couldn't leave quickly enough. In fact, just as Grant was fishing his deck out of his pocket, one of them bumped him in the side, rushing out the door without even an apology. In shock, the mustached Shadowchaser dropped all his cards on the floor.

"Oh, dear," he sighed, bending down to pick them up.

"Oh, let me help!" Leanne exclaimed.

Instantly, the gorgon rushed over and reached down. Unfortunately, she went down just as Grant was coming up, and he swept her sunglasses right of…right before looking her in her thin, reptilian eyes.

Well, everybody knows what happens when you look a gorgon in the eyes. In less than a second, Grant had turned into a statue of his former self, a look of deep fear frozen on his face.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Leanne gasped, and Buck burst out laughing.

"Aw, this is rich!" he guffawed as Leanne ducked down and retrieved her shades, then began pushing Grant up to a wall. "Grant's turned to granite, and ah don't have to duel no one!"

"Wrong!" a grating voice shouted out. It was Ed, his voice now harsh and grating, much different from before, and Buck couldn't help but stare. "There'll still be a duel, right here and now!"

Buck's jaw dropped as he tried to register what had just happened. "You…you can talk?" he asked, none too intelligently.

"Of course I can!" the parrot replied, tossing the now-bare corncob across the room. "I'm Grant's familiar, bonehead! Now, my master may be down—oh, we're gonna have to call in some help, and the higher-ups are never gonna let any of us forget about this! Honestly, why did I have to get stuck with the klutziest warlock in the history of the Shadowchasers? I'm not a bad bird, really, but the things I have to put up wi—what was I saying again?"

"Uh, 'your master may be down'." Leanne reminded him.

"Right, right. My master may be down, but as his familiar, I have the authority to duel you in his place, so suit up!"

"You?" Buck laughed. "Are you serious? Yer tellin' me that _you _have a deck?"

"Of course not!" Ed snapped. "But Grant does, and I know his deck inside and out!"

"And how, exactly, do you plan to use the Disk?" the bartender inquired.

"I think that _I _can lend a hand there," Leanne said confidently, sweeping up the Shadowchaser's cards and shuffling them. "I'll be Ed's hands for this duel. Anything to make up for…well, you know…"

Ed grunted derisively. "Yeah," he grunted. "_That_ makes up for the years of jokes the other Shadowchasers are gonna get out of this! Well, it's a start. Grab his Duel Disk, sit back, and let me handle everything, okay?"

"Got it," the gorgon replied, fitting the petrified Shadowchaser's Duel Disk onto her arm and inserting his deck.

Buck continued to chuckle as he readied his own Duel Disk.

"This is gonna be the easies' duel ah ever had," he laughed.

"Yeah, keep dreaming," Ed told him. "Oh, and a quick warning: Grant's prisoner-transporter-gem-thingy is right in his pocket. One false move and—"

"Yeah, yeah," the bartender interrupted. "Let's just get this over with."

Buck and Leanne both activated their Duel Disks, launching the holo-imagers to opposite sides of the room. They drew their opening hands, and Ed perched on Leanne's outstretched right arm, examining her cards.

**(Ed: 8,000) - - - - - - - - - - (Buck: 8,000)**

"Just remember to turn your head down when he attacks," the familiar mumbled. "The last thing I need today is another accidental petrification!"

"I said I was sorry!" Leanne hissed.

"Yeah, well, it's gonna take more than _that_ to make this okay! Honestly, Jalal himself is gonna bust a gut over this, and he _never _laughs at his Shadowchasers! This is going to be an absolute—"

"If you two are done," Buck shouted, snapping them back to reality as he drew another card. "Ah'd like ta make mah move!"

"Yeah, whatever," Ed grunted.

"Good," the half-orc replied, selecting two cards from his hand. "I'll start by placing a Monster in Defense and a facedown for later."

Two brown holographic card backs appeared, one positioned horizontally, and one vertically behind it.

"And that's all for now."

Ed just rolled his eyes as Leanne drew. "Starting defensively," he squawked. "Yeah, I've never seen _that _before! Well, try _this! _I summon Gemresis!"

Ed plucked a card out of Leanne's hand with his beak and waddled forward onto the Duel Disk, dropping it right onto one of the Monster Zones. A second later, a creature sprung up in front of him. It looked a giant armadillo with jet engines mounted on its shoulders and no hind legs. Three large red gems protruded from its skin—two in its armpits and one just above the base of its tail. (1,700 ATK)

"And, when Gemresis is Normal Summoned, I get to move a Gemknight Monster from my deck to my hand! I think I'll go with Gemknight Ganet!"

A card slipped out of the deck, and Leanne placed it in her hand.

"Okay, Gemresis," Ed commanded. "Attack that facedown Monster! Nine-banded blitz!"

The armadillo let out a chirp and curled up into a ball. Its engines flared up and blasted it forward into the opponent's horizontal card. Just for a second, a Monster appeared, one that resembled a giant red tomato with a face that bore a wide, toothy grin, before it shattered into pixels. (1,100 DEF)

"Oh, crap," the familiar moaned. "Don't tell me that that was—"

"Tha's right!" Buck whooped. "Mah Mystic Tomater! And since he was destroyed in battle, ah get to bring out a whole new Monster from mah deck! Here comes Legendary Fiend!"

A card shot out of Buck's deck and he placed it onto his Disk, resulting in a new Monster's appearance. This one was a nightmarish Fiend-Type, a muscular winged blue one with four arms, two of which ended in the heads of snakelike creatures. It roared menacingly. (1,500 ATK)

"Darn it!" the parrot squawked. "I was afraid of something like this!"

"Then yeh shouldn't've attacked, pipsqueak," Buck chortled. "As it is, ah've got a high-level Monster out before mah secon' turn!"

"Let's see how long it lasts, though," Ed shot back. "I'll play a couple of facedown cards and turn it over to you."

The familiar snatched two more cards from Leanne's hand and placed them into the Duel Disk, conjuring two holographic facedown cards.

"Your move, piggy."

Buck growled as he snatched up his obligatory card. "Yeh know, yeh've got a big mouth fer such a tiny bird."

"At least I've got the dueling skills to back it up!" Ed retorted.

"But not the hands," Leanne mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear.

"You're on thin ice as it is, gorgon," the familiar snapped. "So just draw the cards and keep your opinions to yourself, okay?"

Leanne said nothing, but the snakes on her head began to hiss menacingly.

"Hey," Buck shouted at the two would-be heroes. "If you two're done, ah'd like ta make mah move!"

"Then go right ahead," Leanne told him. "I really do hate being kept waiting."

"Like ah care about how yeh feel about it," the bartender grumbled. "Well, as yeh might not know, mah Legendary Fiend gains seven-hundred Attack Points durin' each o' mah Standby Phases!"

Legendary Fiend roared as its muscles swelled up even larger. (1,500 ATK) -) (2,200 ATK)

"An', in addition ta tha', ah'm bringin' out mah Picador Fiend!"

He slapped a card down onto his Disk, and a new, horrific Monster sprang up. It had was a terrible fiend with no skin to speak of, with a creepy, grinning mask, skulls on its shoulders, and giant, batlike wings with exposed muscle tissue between the bones. It sat astride a demonic skeletal horse with ramlike horns. (1,600 ATK)

"Huh," Ed commented, without flinching. "I think I found Grant's costume for the next Halloween party…"

Buck blinked in surprise. "Well…" he said after a moment of silence. "Can' say ah've ever had _that _reaction."

"Are you kidding?" the familiar cackled. "I've seen it all! After Doll Chimera, nothing can scare me anymore!"

"Yeah? Well…yeh ain' seen nothin' yet! Legendary Fiend, attack his armadillo! Blast it inta eternal darkness!"

The huge Fiend smiled wickedly and joined the heads on its upper arms together. The ugly things hissed and blasted a wave of pure darkness right at Gemresis.

"Oh, I don't think so!" Ed suddenly cried out. "I've got quite the card in store for you! Activate Rush Recklessly!"

Ed hit a button on the Duel Disk and one of his facedown cards lifted up: a Spell card featuring the image of an enraged bull charging forward. Gemresis glowed with a dim white light, swelling with confidence. (1,700 ATK) -) (2,400 ATK)

Legendary Fiend let out a high-pitched scream as it was cleaved in half by the armadillo's claw.

**(E: 8,000) - - - - - - - - - - (B: 7,800)**

Buck's face went red with anger as he slapped his card into the Graveyard.

"Cheap move, bird, an' a beginner's one at that!"

"Didn't stop you from falling for it," Leanne replied, and Ed nodded in agreement. Buck, however, spat on the floor in disgust.

"Ah'm jus' warmin' up!" he insisted. "Ah'll play a facedown card fer now, an' nex' turn ah'll show yeh wha' ah can _really _do!"

"I'd like to see _that_!" Ed laughed as a facedown card appeared behind Picador Fiend and Leanne drew a card. "Now, let's see…oh, I think I'll summon the Gemknight Ganet I got last turn!"

The bird placed another card onto the Disk and a confident-looking knight emerged, with bright scarlet armor decorated with pictures of flames and crimson gems on his shoulders, chestplate, and helmet. He struck a position like a boxer at the beginning of a match. (1,900 ATK)

"Now, attack that whatchamacallit Fiend!"

"Picador Fiend," Leanne corrected.

"Whatever!" Ed squawked. "Just attack it!"

Ganet nodded and clenched his right fist, conjuring a gargantuan ball of fire and hurling it at the equestrian Fiend.

"Ah don' think so!" Buck laughed. "Ah activate mah Trap card! Go, Infernal Muleta!"

The card behind Picador Fiend lifted up, featuring the image of Picador Fiend itself staring down the skeleton of a bull, holding a small red cape and laughing, and suddenly Picador Fiend was holding the very same cape. It waved the cape and its horse jumped aside just in time to save it from the blast.

**(E: 8,000) - - - - - - - - - - (B: 7,500)**

"As yeh can see," Buck explained. "Mah Infernal Muleta saves any Fiend-type Monster from being destroyed in battle fer the duration o' the turn!"

"But I noticed you still took damage," Ed remarked. "So I'll keep going! Gemresis, you attack, too!"

Gemresis jetted forward, but once again Picador Fiend simply taunted it with its cape and avoided destruction.

**(E: 8,000) - - - - - - - - - - (B: 7,400)**

"And…well, that's it for now," the familiar admitted. "But there's more to come next turn!"

"Ah'm sure," the half-orc retorted, drawing his card. Out of the blue, his face lit up. "Aw, yeah! _Now_ it's a duel! Ah'm takin' us to mah favorite location!"

Leanne gave Ed a nervous look, but the parrot just shook his head. "Bring it on," he challenged.

"Oh, ah will!" Buck snarled. "Ah activate mah Dark Arena Field Spell!"

The bartender's Field Slot opened up, and he inserted a card. It closed, and an eerie darkness surrounded the two (or three) duelists. It blocked out almost all of what little light the bar had, and demonic statues sprung up as the sounds of a rambunctious, cheering audience just above them filled their ears.

"Is this…a bullfighting arena?" Leanne asked, once the initial shock was over.

"Very good," Buck complimented. "A lot o' mah opponents never get that. Yeah, it's a bullfightin' ring, all righ', and ah jus' _love_ usin' it!"

"Why?" Ed pondered. "Oh, wait, let me guess: You like the violence?"

"Yeah, tha's a part of it," the bartender shrugged. "All orcs love a good bloodbath, an' a bullfight's a grea' place fer that, bu' the _real _reason I love this place is its effect!"

"And what, exactly, does this monstrous place _do_?" Leanne asked, still shaken from the sounds around them.

"Yeh'll see soon enough, little lady. But fer now, yeh should know tha' mah Picador Fiend's got a special ability tha' only works when he's in the Dark Arena! Namely, he can attack directly!"

"WHAT!" Ed and Leanne screamed simultaneously.

"Picador Fiend, attack directly with mortal smite!"

Picador Fiend's skulls (all four of them) glowed bright green, and it shot a wave of verdant conflagration straight past the bejeweled Monsters and into Leanne's chest, causing her to double over in pain.

**(E: 6,400) - - - - - - - - - - (B: 7,400)**

"That'll end it fer me."

"Good," Ed spoke up. "Now, come on, Leanne, it barely touched you! Get up and draw!"

"Ugh, okay," Leanne grumbled, slowly picking herself up. Her snakes were hissing louder than ever now. "I'm up. I'm up and I'm drawing. See? I'm helpful."

"Yes, yes," the parrot told her as she added a card to her hand. "It's excellent to have you—or it would be if you hadn't petrified my master!"

"I said I was sorry!"

"I know, I know, and there's nothing to do about it now, so just let me make my move. Now, let's see…"

Ed stared at the six cards in Leanne's hand for a moment before making his decision.

"Okay, then," he said, snatching up a card in his beak. "I'll summon Gemknight Methyst to the Field!"

Once again, he shuffled down the gorgon's arm and placed the card into the Duel Disk's Monster Zone, and a new Monster appeared, this one a small and decidedly female knight with bright purple armor studded with violet gems. She spread her legs and struck a martial arts stance. (1,200 ATK)

"That should provide some extra muscle," Ed said as he moved back up to Leanne's forearm. "And now, Gemknight Ganet, destroy his Picador Fiend once and for all!"

Ganet nodded and conjured up another fireball.

"Not a chance!" Buck shouted. "Activate Scapegoat!"

Buck's facedown card lifted up and four adorable, brightly colored sheep (one red, one orange, one pink, and one blue) appeared, two on each side of the hideous demon, wearing dazed, sleepy looks on their faces. (0 DEFx4)

Ed, however, remained unimpressed.

"So you've got a few more Monsters," he snorted, shrugging his wings. "So what? Your Fiend is still toast."

"Ah don' think so!" Buck shot back. "Yeh see, like ah said, mah Dark Arena's got a pretty potent effect! Namely, it blinds Monsters with darkness—i.e. whenever a player attacks, the opponent gets ta choose the target! So no, yer Gemknight's _not _destroyin' mah Fiend! It's goin' fer one o' mah Sheep Tokens!"

True to Buck's word, Gemknight Ganet, blinded by the darkness, launched an attack that obliterated the red sheep, but didn't even touch Picador Fiend.

Once again, an awkward silence went through the bar.

"Well," Ed finally said. "I'll admit, that sets me back, but it sure doesn't mean you're going to win! Gemresis," he ordered. "Destroy another of his Tokens!"

The armadillo nodded and curled into a ball, blasting into the orange token and obliterating it.

"And with that, I guess I'll end—"

"No, you won't!" Buck interrupted. "Here in the Dark Arena, all Monsters in Attack Mode _must_ attack, no matter what! Yer not finished yet!"

"What?" Ed exclaimed. "But that means—"

"Tha's righ'! Yer Methyst's finished!"

And, at that moment, without any sort of instruction, the purple knight jumped forward, right at the monstrous demon, and was blasted apart by his green fire.

**(E: 6,000) - - - - - - - - - - (B: 7,400)**

"_Now_ yer turn is over," Buck laughed, drawing a card. "And mine can begin! Ah summon mah Banderillero Fiend!"

The bartender slapped a card onto his Disk, and yet another new Monster appeared, this one a horrific hybrid of bat and snake, with a pointed head and a demonic face on its torso. (900 ATK)

"An' when he's Normal Summoned, ah get ta destroy one Monster on the field, an' ah'm gettin' plum tired o' lookin' at tha' Gemknight Ganet!"

Banderillero Fiend glowed with an ugly purple energy, and the crimson Gemknight was blown to smithereens.

"Okay…" Leanne suddenly said. "I've been quiet up until now—"

"Says you," Ed murmured.

"—but I have to ask: What in the world is a banderillero? And a picador, for that matter?"

Buck sighed, but gave a quick explanation.

"Banderilleros and picadores are _toreros_, humans that take part in a bullfight. The banderillero places banderillas, colorful sticks ended with barbs, inta the bull's shoulders ta weaken it fer the matador, and the picador tests the bull's strength on horseback using a lance. After they do the work, the matador goes in fer the kill. After all, bullfighting may be cruel, but it's a team sport."

Ed and Leanne just stared at the half-orc, mouths agape.

"Yeah," Buck growled. "Mongo read."

"Clearly not enough!" Ed cackled. "I've still got a Monster more powerful than either of yours, and even if that Picador can attack directly, what's protecting that Banderillero?"

"Ah'll tell yeh what!" Buck screamed. "His special ability, tha's what! On the turn that Banderillero Fiend is summoned, he can' attack! So, all ah have to do is attack directly with mah Picador Fiend, so let's get a move on!"

The horse-mounted Fiend warmed up an assault, but Ed interrupted when he made a sudden realization.

"Wait!" he shouted. "You said that when Dark Arena is active, the opponent chooses a Monster's attack targets, so I'm redirecting his assault onto my Gemresis to get rid of that Picador Fiend once and for all!"

"No yeh ain't!" Buck chortled. "Dark Arena's attack-guidin' effect doesn't apply if a player controls a Monster with 'Fiend' in its name, so ah can attack whatever and whoever ah want!"

"Oh, crap," Ed and Leanne sighed at the same time.

Picador Fiend laughed hysterically and shot another blast at Leanne and Ed. Ed flew up to the ceiling and avoided it, but Leanne's snakes continued to hiss in panic as she was blown back by the shockwave.

**(E: 4,400) - - - - - - - - - - (B: 7,400)**

"An' tha's all fer now," the bartender chuckled.

Leanne plucked herself up and Ed perched back down on her arm.

"You okay?" the familiar asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Leanne replied with a nod. "Besides, it's not like I'm doing much besides standing here and holding cards."

"Yeah, keep that in mind while you draw for me, honey."

Leanne sighed and added another card to her hand, and Ed looked them over.

"Oh, _finally _I draw it!" he exclaimed. "Okay, Buck, it's time to kick this game up to the next level! I activate my Gemknight Fusion!"

Ed stuffed another card into his Duel Disk and the image of a new Spell card appeared. It vaguely resembled the classic Polymerization card, with two knights swirling together, but there were dozens of precious gems floating around them.

"I'm using it to fuse together two Monsters in my hand—namely Gemknights Rumarin and Sapphia—to form an all-new Gemknight!"

Ghostly images of two new Gemknights appeared on the field. One was short and bulky, with yellow armor and gems, and the other was lanky, with icy white armor and jewels of a deep shade of blue. The two swirled together and disappeared, and a new Monster took their place, one with yellow armor similar to Rumarin's, but taller and thinner, and decorated with lightning bolt shapes all over. He pulled out a pair of twin swords with bright yellow blades shaped like lightning bolts that coursed with electricity. (1,800 ATK)

"Meet my Gemknight Paz!"

Buck stared at the new Monster skeptically before speaking.

"Tha's it?" he asked. "Ah was expectin' a few more Attack Points fer a Fusion Monster."

"What Paz lacks in brute strength, he makes up for in talent!" Ed squawked. "But for now, I'll try attacking that Picador Fiend again with Gemresis! Gemresis, you know what to do!"

The armadillo curled up into a ball and jetted forward, but Buck just laughed.

"Ah don' think so!" he said. "Ah'm usin' mah Dark Arena ta change the target ta another Sheep Token!"

Gemresis swerved off-course and struck another sheep, this time the blue one.

"Then I'll just try again! Paz, _you _attack the Picador! Double-bolt blade!"

"Not a chance!" Buck cried. "Ah'm sendin' it ta mah last Sheep Token!"

Blinded by the intense darkness, Gemknight Paz slashed the pink sheep in half, but Ed showed no sign of disappointment.

"What's up with you, bird?" the bartender demanded. "Yeh startin' ta crack under the pressure?"

"_Au contraire_, my dear orc-spawn," Ed whooped. "You've played right into my hand. You see, I _knew _you'd redirect my attacks to the Sheep Tokens, so I decided to just get rid of them faster, and now that they're all gone, I can finally get ahead in this game!"

"How d'yeh mean?" Buck insisted. "Ah've been controllin' this here duel practically since the firs' turn!"

"And now it's over, Buck, because, like I said, my Gemknight Paz has a few special talents, the first of which is that he can attack twice in one turn!"

"WHAT?" Buck cried.

"Gemknight Paz, wipe out that Picador Fiend!"

Buck shook his head wildly, his mouth beginning to foam up in rage. "Ah don' think so, Polly! Ah still have mah Dark Arena, an' I plan on keepin' mah Picador Fiend around fer as long as I can, so ah'm turnin' this attack onto mah other Monster! Kill the Banderillero Fiend instead!"

Sure enough, Paz turned and sliced through the serpentine demon, blasting it into pixels.

**(E: 4,400) - - - - - - - - - - (B: 6,500)**

"Tha' move may've cost me more Life Points," Buck announced. "But it saved a Monster that was much more useful in the long run."

"Yeah, well, you're about to lose a few more!" Ed squawked.

Buck blinked in surprise. "Whaddyeh mean?"

"I _mean_ that after Gemknight Paz destroys a Monster in battle, it takes the Monster's Attack Points straight out of your Life Points!"

Confidently, the yellow Gemknight leapt past Buck's Monster and shot a bolt of lightning from both blades right into Buck's heart, sending the half-orc skidding across the room.

**(E: 4,400) - - - - - - - - - - (B: 5,600)**

"That's all for this turn," Ed declared as Buck regained his composure. "But next turn I'm wiping out that Picador Fiend once and for all!"

The bartender growled as he snatched up a card from his deck, but then began to laugh like mad.

"Looks like you were wrong, bird!" he cackled. "Mah Picador Fiend ain't going nowhere, because ah just drew the centerpoint o' mah Dark Arena combo!"

"And what would that be?" Leanne asked, slinking back a little in fear.

"Yeh'll see inna minute, little lady," the half-orc replied. "But first, ah need ta activate mah Monster Reincarnation Spell."

Buck slipped a card into his Disk and a giant ankh appeared on the field.

"Now, ah'll just discard one garbage card…"

He placed a card from his hand into his Graveyard slot.

"…ta retrieve mah Legendary Fiend!"

A card shot out of the very same slot, and the half-orc placed it in his hand.

"And what good will _that _do you?" Ed cried out. "Summoning him will just get rid of your Picador Fiend, and I'll just destroy it on my next turn!"

"Ah don't plan on summoning mah Legendary Fiend again, bird!" Buck snarled. "Ah jus' needed it back in mah hand fer a ritual!"

"RITUAL?" Buck and Leanne exclaimed, and immediately afterward, Ed mumbled to Leanne "We've got to stop doing that…"

"Tha's right, a ritual!" Buck repeated. "It's time ta bring out the star o' the show! Ah activate Ritual of the Matador!"

He played the card, and a blood-filled fountain appeared on the field.

"This particular Ritual Spell costs me six stars' worth o' Monsters, so ah'm ponyin' up mah Legendary Fiend ta pay the toll!"

The giant blue demon appeared in the fountain and was coated in blood.

"An' bring out the master o' the Dark Arena! Come on out, Matador Fiend!"

Legendary Fiend began to morph in shape, losing two of its arms and becoming taller and thinner. Eventually the blood poured off and revealed a whole new Fiend with dark, leathery skin, huge claws on its hands and feet, and enormous red wings that looked a lot like a cape when spread out. (0 ATK)

"Okay…" Ed commented. "A six-star Ritual Monster with a nonexistent Attack Score. Obviously it's got some sort of effect."

"O' course it does!" Buck shot back, foam still forming in the corners of his mouth. "An' ah'll prove it right here and now! Matador Fiend, attack his Gemknight Paz! Estoque grip!"

Matador Fiend let out a deep, terrifying laugh, and launched itself at the yellow Gemknight.

"Let me guess," Leanne piped up, her voice high and her snakes in a frenzy. "It becomes stronger than any Monster it attacks?"

Buck shook his head. "Not quite. See fer yerself."

Ed and Leanne watched closely, but the gaunt demon's Attack Score never changed. Instead, when Paz attempted to slice it, Matador Fiend masterfully dodged, and then shoved its clawed hand right through Paz's armor and into its chest. Paz let out a pitiful wail and shattered into pixels.

"Wha—what just happened?" Ed gasped, beak agape.

"Mah Matador Fiend's special ability, tha's what!" Buck answered. "Whenever he battles another Monster, all battle damage is reduced ta zero, and the opposing Monster dies right afterward! He's invincible!

"An', jus' ta make it worse, ah can direct all yer attacks from now on right ta him, so yeh'll _never_ lay a hand on me again!"

"That's insanity!" Leanne objected. "How can such a powerful card be legal?"

"Well, between you an' me," the half-orc replied. "It ain' exactly common. In fact, only twenty-five of 'em were ever made!"

"And how, exactly, did a half-orc bartender get his hands on an uber-rare card like that?" Ed growled. "After all, I have a hard time believing you could afford it."

"Ah got it from mah old man," Buck said with a shrug. "An' he took it off some unlucky sap he beat ta death with a tire iron."

"That's just despicable!" Leanne gasped. "Killing a man over a rare card!"

"Maybe it is, but it ain' mah crime, now, is it?" Buck told them, shrugging again. "An' jus' so yeh know, mah old man died over eight years ago, so ah wouldn't bother huntin' 'im down."

"You disgust me," Leanne hissed, and the snakes on her head joined in.

"Get in line," the bartender shot back, and then he proceeded to wipe the foam from his mouth with his sleeve. "Anyway, it's still mah turn, an' ah've still got a Monster left."

"Oh, no," Leanne muttered.

"Picador Fiend, attack directly!"

Yet again the demon shot its wave of green flames, and yet again the gorgon could barely take it, even when curled up to better shield herself. Still, she managed to hold out until it was finished.

**(E: 2,800) - - - - - - - - - - (B: 5,600)**

"Ugh," she grumbled. "I can't take many more of those…"

"Oh, buck up," Ed told her. "It's not so hard to take an attack or two."

"Easy for you to say!" the gorgon snapped. "_You _may be the one making all the moves, but _I'm _the one taking all the hits!"

"Well, it's your own fault for petrifying my master! Honestly, I'm bonded to a klutz, I can't see the color blue, and I have to spend almost all my time in public either staying silent or saying completely idiotic phrases like 'POLLY WANT A CRACKER!'! I think I deserve to forego the opportunity to make my own life less miserable once in a while!"

"Oh, you are such a little brat!"

"Have a sense of humor, lady! It'll make life a lot more pleasant. Look at me: I'm an encyclopedia of dirty jokes, and I'm always able to keep myself in a good mood. Hey, wanna hear one now?"

"NO!" Leanne and Buck shouted.

"Okay," the familiar continued, as if he hadn't heard them. "There are these two fleas—"

**THE JOKE BEING TOLD HAS BEEN DEEMED FAR TOO DIRTY FOR A STORY OF THIS RATING. PLEASE ENJOY THE REST OF THE CHAPTER.**

"—moustache! Hahahaha!"

"Oh, dear lord!" Leanne choked, doing everything she could to avoid vomiting. "And I thought that _Buck _was barbaric!"

"Mah dad used ta squish peoples' skulls until their brains oozed out, and ah've never been more disgusted than right now!" Buck agreed, beginning to dry heave.

"Oh, grow up, you two," Ed replied. "It's just a joke, and a funny one at that. I've gotten big laughs from it at parties!"

"What kind of parties are you going to?" Leanne demanded.

"Okay, okay," Buck spoke up. "It was a filthy, filthy joke. But it's over now. Now, will yeh two kindly make yer turn?"

"Fine," the gorgon sighed, drawing a card, and Ed took his time looking them over.

"Oh, this won't do at all," he murmured, still staring at the four cards.

"Nothin' good in that hand, eh?" Buck chortled. "Too bad fer you."

"Yes, I guess it is," Ed agreed. "So I guess I'll just have to get a new one, then."

"Huh?" the bartender replied, raising an eyebrow.

Ed took yet another card from Leanne's hand in his beak and waddled over to the Duel Disk before inserting it into one of the Spell/Trap Zones.

"I activate Card Destruction, discarding my entire hand to draw an equal number of cards from my deck! Leanne, would you please?"

Leanne nodded and slipped the three cards she was holding into the Disk's Graveyard slot, and then picked up three new cards from the deck. As soon as she did, Ed took a look and let out a sigh.

"I suppose it'll do," he said. "I guess I'll just place two cards facedown and a Monster in Defense Mode. Oh, and I'll switch Gemresis to Defense Mode, too."

Three card backs (two vertical, one horizontal) appeared in front of Ed and Leanne, and Gemresis curled up into a ball next to the horizontal one.

"An' that's all?" Buck boomed.

"Unfortunately, yes," Ed responded. "At least for now. Now, hurry up and make _your _move, would you?"

"Don' rush me!" Buck snapped, blowing spittle everywhere as he drew a card and looked it over. "Let's see…well, ah guess ah'll jus' repeat mah last turn."

"Oh, no," Leanne groaned.

"Oh, yeah," Buck told her. "Picador Fiend, attack directly!"

The horse-riding demon sent out yet another verdant conflagration and Leanne prepared for the worst, but, to her surprise, Ed squawked and flew in front of her, shielding her heart (and, sadly, _only _her heart) from the blow. He was shot back, but almost instantly recovered, landing on the gorgon's shoulder.

**(E: 1,200) - - - - - - - - - - (B: 5,600)**

"Ed," Leanne said softly. "I…I don't know what to say…Thank you."

"Yeah, well," the parrot replied, shrugging his wings as Leanne's snakes nuzzled him affectionately. "You did have a point about always taking the attacks. I guess you deserved a break. I mean, I'm a familiar. We're nothing if not team players."

"Still, it was very sweet," Leanne told him.

"Yeah, yeah," Buck groaned. "A whole lotta love goin' on here, but in case yeh've forgotten, we're in the middle of a duel!

"Matador Fiend, get rid o' that Gemresis! Ah've been lookin' at it since that bird's first turn!"

The gaunt demon nodded and leapt forward, blowing the defensive armadillo to smithereens.

"An' that's that fer mah turn."

"None too soon," Ed wheezed, still a little winded from taking the attack as Leanne drew a card for him. "Still, I think I can turn this around."

"Oh, really?" Buck asked.

"Yes, really," Ed answered. "And I'll start by activating Akhashic Record!"

The parrot snatched up the card and slipped it into the Duel Disk like always.

"This lets me add two extra cards to my hand, so long as neither of them has been used in the duel so far. If either of them has, I have to remove both from play.

"Frankly, I was just yesterday telling Grant that he should take this card out, but for the first time ever, I'm glad he didn't listen to me. Anyway, Leanne, would you do the honors?"

"Gladly," the gorgon replied, drawing two cards and looking them over. "And it looks like both of them are new to this duel."

Leanne turned the cards around for Ed and Buck to see, and they indeed hadn't been used in this duel. They were two well-known Spell cards, Dark Factory of Mass Production and Fusion Weapon.

"Works for me," Ed tittered. "In fact, they're perfect. I think I'll use them right now! I'll start by using Dark Factory of Mass Production to return Gemknights Ganet and Sapphia to my hand."

He played the card, and retrieved the two Normal Monsters from his Graveyard.

"Now, here's a question for you, Buck: What makes Gemknight Fusion different from good ol' Polymerization?"

"Um…" Buck replied. "It only makes Gemknight Fusions?"

"That's true," Ed said with a laugh. "But more importantly, it's reusable. If it's ever in my Graveyard, I can return it to my hand just by removing a Gemknight in my Graveyard from play, like I'm doing with Methyst right now!"

A card slipped out of the Duel Disk's Graveyard slot and Leanne pocketed it, while Ed picked out another card and added it to Leanne's hand.

"Now I think I'll use it, fusing together Gemknights Ganet and Sapphia to bring out yet another new face!"

He played the card, and the fiery Ganet swirled together with the icy Sapphia until the two became one. It was tall and elegant, with armor very much like Ganet's, but far fancier, and with a silky blue cape and a long, crimson polearm. He slammed the polearm into the ground and struck a heroic pose. (2,500 ATK)

"Let's give a warm welcome to Gemknight Rubys!

"In fact, I have a present for him. I'm equipping him with Fusion Weapon for a massive power boost!"

The tip of Rubys' polearm changed into a giant cattle prod-like device, the tip of which pulsated with energy. (2,500 ATK) -) (4,000 ATK)

"It doesn't matter how many Attack Points that that thing has!" Buck insisted. "Mah Matador Fiend will make quick work of it!"

"It won't get the chance!" Ed responded, catching the half-orc off-guard. "I'm implementing phase two of my plan for victory! I Flip-Summon my facedown Gemknight Alexand!"

The horizontal card back vanished, and a whole new Gemknight sprang up. His armor was bright silver, and it was studded with gems of every color of the rainbow. (1,800 ATK)

"An' ah'm supposed ta be afraid o' _that_?" Buck snorted.

"Nope," Ed chirped. "Because he won't be around for long. I'm activating his special ability—by sacrificing him, I can take any Normal 'Gemknight' Monster from my deck and Special Summon it to the field! I choose another Gemknight Ganet!"

Gemknight Alexand dissolved on the spot, leaving only his jewels, which rose up in the air and began to spin around. The garnet took center stage, and all the other gems turned to reflect light into it. There was a bright flash of light, and when it faded, Gemknight Ganet had returned.

"Ah still don't see how this gets yeh any closer ta beatin' me," Buck sneered.

"GIVE ME A MINUTE, WILL YOU!" the familiar squawked, before regaining his composure. "Now, it's time! Gemknight Ganet, attack his Picador Fiend!"

Ganet conjured up a large ball of fire, but Buck just laughed.

"As if ah'll ever let yeh touch mah Picador Fiend, bird!" he cackled. "Ah'm usin' the power o' mah Dark Arena ta switch the target ta Matador Fiend instead!"

Ganet threw the fireball at the large-winged Fiend with all its might.

Matador Fiend easily dodged the fireball and then lunged at Ganet, jamming a claw right through its heart and blowing it to shards.

"That's just what I was hoping for!" Ed laughed. "Now I can activate _this_! Go, Death and Rebirth!"

One of Ed's facedown cards lifted up, revealing a Trap card bearing the image of Gemini Elf engulfed in a purple light as Swordstalker and Gene-Warped Warwolf charged them.

"This card only works when a Normal Monster on my field is destroyed during the Battle Phase. Now, I can destroy any Monster on the field that I want, so _adios_, Matador Fiend!"

A burst of divine light shot out of the Trap card and struck Matador Fiend, which screamed bloody murder and burst into pixels on the spot.

"And, even better, it brings back the Monster I just lost!"

The Trap vanished, and Gemknight Ganet reappeared, looking as good as new.

"Now for a rematch," the familiar chuckled. "Gemknight Ganet, finally destroy his Picador Fiend!"

Eagerly, Ganet conjured another fireball and shot it straight into the demon's ribcage, burning it to a crisp.

**(E: 1,200) - - - - - - - - - - (B: 5,300)**

"Your Dark Arena's pretty useless without extra Monsters to protect your attackers!" Ed taunted. "And the worst is still yet to come! Gemknight Rubys, attack directly! Ultra-infrared blast!"

Rubys leapt up, twirling its weapon, charged up a strong burst of energy, and fired it just as it landed on the ground, sending a massive blast right into Buck's chest. Buck was blown back into the counter of the bar, and several mugs dropped down and shattered.

**(E: 1,200) - - - - - - - - - - (B: 1,300)**

"Now the scores are almost tied," the parrot commented as Buck grabbed on to the counter for balance and hoisted himself up. "And you have no Monsters on the field. Make your move, orc spawn."

Buck's face went bright red and his mouth foamed up even more as he drew what could be his very last card. When he looked at it, though, he began to grin wide, and drool ran down his chin, making him look downright insane.

"Oh, ah'll make mah move, all right," he declared, a manic twinkle in his watery little eyes. "Because now, it's time to bring out the clincher in mah deck!

"Ah'll start by activatin' Fulfillment of the Contract, which'll let me bring back Matador Fiend fer the low, low cost o' only eight-hundred Life Points!"

The bartender played the card and his Life Points went down slightly as Matador Fiend emerged from the ground.

**(E: 1,200) - - - - - - - - - - (B: 500)**

"Oh, great," Leanne groaned. "It's back! I thought we were rid of it for good!"

"You are," Buck snickered. "Ah jus' needed ta bring it back ta make use o' him one last time!

"Now, I sacrifice mah indestructible Matador Fiend ta make way fer a whole new level o' terror! Tremble in fear o' the great _**MACARENA FIEND**_!"

Matador Fiend vanished into thin air, and in its place rose a new, even more terrifying demon. This one was clearly female, and dressed in a torn and ragged dress. Her face was hidden behind a white, grinning mask, and her long, dark hair was completely tangled up. She stared ahead at her opponents and raised her hands high. Sharp, deadly talons erupted from them. (2,100 ATK)

Ed and Leanne, however, stared at this new Monster not with fear, but confusion.

"'Macarena'?" Leanne echoed. "You mean like the dance?"

"No!" Buck snapped. "It's a village in Spain, and yer missin' the point! Ah've just won this duel!"

"How so?" Ed asked. "I mean, yeah, that new Monster of yours is pretty strong, but she can't wipe me out just by destroying Ganet, and Rubys is almost twice as strong!"

"It doesn' matter!" the bartender growled. "She won' be fightin' either of 'em!"

"And why is that?" the parrot sneered.

"See fer yerself," was Buck's reply. "Get ready fer some _déjà vu_."

Macarena Fiend laughed her maniacal laugh and focused her gaze on the two Gemknights. Her eyes glowed red, and Ganet and Rubys gasped in fright, and that was the last thing they ever did as their bodies turned hard and grey.

In just a few seconds, they had turned to stone, and when that happened, Macarena Fiend smashed them with her bare hands.

"What have you done?" Leanne gulped. Her snakes went silent in shock.

"Nothin'," Buck replied. "That was jus' Macarena Fiend's special ability. Yeh see, when Dark Arena is active, like it's been fer several turns now, she automatically destroys any Monster that was Special Summoned, whether she was there when it happened or not!

"And, now that yer field is cleared o' Monsters, I reckon it's time I wrapped this up. Macarena Fiend, attack directly! Slice that bird to ribbons!"

Leanne winced in fright, closing her eyes to try and shield herself from the end as the wicked demon approached, but Ed had other ideas. He hit a button on the Duel Disk just before the Fiend struck, which sent the two sprawling back.

"AH WIN!" Buck laughed, pumping his fist. "AH BEAT A SHADOWCHASER! I—wait, why haven't the holograms disappeared yet?"

"Because this duel isn't over yet," Ed replied, landing on Leanne's shoulder as she struggled to her feet. "Check the scores. See for yourself."

Enraged, the half-orc looked at the score.

**(E: 100) - - - - - - - - - - (B: 500)**

"HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?" he raged. "Mah Macarena Fiend had more'n enough power ta finish yeh off!"

"Until I activated my facedown Emergency Provisions," Ed corrected. "I ditched my facedown Soul Resurrection—it's useless thanks to that Macarena Fiend's ability, anyway—to pad my Life Points just before she struck."

"Nice one, Ed!" Leanne cheered. "I really thought you were done for there!"

"HE STILL IS!" Buck insisted, the foam working up around his mouth and making him look downright rabid. "DON' YEH GET IT? YEH'RE JUS' LIKE A BULL IN THIS ARENA! NO MATTER WHAT, YER FINISHED! YEH HAVE NOTHIN' ON YER FIELD, NOTHIN' IN YER HAND, AN' ANY MONSTER YEH SPECIAL SUMMON WILL BE DESTROYED IN AN INSTANT! FACE IT, BIRD! YEH'VE LOST!"

There was a long silence, punctuated only by Buck's heavy breathing.

"You finished?" Ed finally asked, his tone perfectly calm. "Because I'd like to make my move."

"Go ahead!" Buck snarled. "The sooner yeh lose, the sooner ah can get back ta business!"

"My, my, Buck," Ed muttered. "You certainly do have a high opinion of yourself."

Leanne started to draw a card, but Ed interrupted her.

"Actually, Leanne," he whispered. "I'd like to draw this one for myself. I don't know if the Heart of the Cards is for real, but it certainly couldn't hurt to try. Let's face it—I need a miracle here."

Leanne nodded, and Ed climbed onto the Duel Disk, clinging to the side with his feet. Slowly, gently, he took a card from the top of his deck and moved it into one of his feet, and finally he turned it around.

"You know, Buck," he said, upon seeing what the card was. "I'm reminded of another joke right now."

"Oh, please don't tell another one!" Leanne begged. "That last one may keep me up at night for years to come!"

"Don't worry," the familiar assured. "This one isn't dirty.

"You see, a man walks into a doctor's office and says 'Doctor, I think I've broken every bone in my body! If I touch my arm, it hurts, if I touch my leg, it hurts, if I touch my back, it hurts, and if I touch my head, it hurts!'

"The doctor replies 'Sir, I think you've broken your finger.'"

Leanne actually giggled a little at that one, though Buck was too distracted by rage.

"The point is," Ed explained. "That sometimes a problem _looks _impossibly bad, but in reality it's quite minor if you know what you're dealing with. That's what's going on right now."

"What're yeh getting at, yeh flying dustmop?" Buck sneered.

"I'm saying that I"ve won this duel," the familiar chuckled. "Watch this: I summon Gemknight Opa!"

He placed the card onto his Duel Disk and a new Monster appeared. It was covered in armor, like all the other Gemknights, but it was far, far smaller than any of the others, and it shimmered with a rainbow light. (600 ATK)

"An' what's so great about that pipsqueak?" the half-orc growled. "It's a weakling!"

"In terms of Attack Points, yes," Ed agreed. "But his ability is very, very useful. You see, during my Main Phase, I can choose any Monster in the Graveyard, and Opa _becomes _that Monster."

"So? There's nothin' in yer Graveyard that can help you now!"

"You need to clean out your ears, Buck," Ed laughed. "I said _the _Graveyard, not _my _Graveyard! I'm choosing one from yours, namely your Picador Fiend!"

Opa nodded and began to shine brighter and brighter. Its colors shifted around, and after a moment it looked like…well, like Gemknight Opa had been painted to look like Picador Fiend, without the horse. It wasn't very intimidating.

"And, more importantly is Gemknight Opa's other ability! He can attack the opponent directly!"

Buck began to sweat, but stopped after a second and grinned.

"Oh, no he can't!" he announced. "Like yeh said, Dark Arena is still active, so ah can jus' redirect the attack to mah Macarena Fiend an' finish yeh off!"

"And like _you _said, Buck," the parrot sneered. "Dark Arena's attack-guiding effect doesn't apply if a player controls a Monster with 'Fiend' in its name!"

"But yeh don't!" the bartender argued.

"Yes, I do," Ed informed him. "Gemknight Opa is now Picador Fiend, remember?"

Buck said nothing, but his jaw hit the floor.

"That's right. I've won. Now, Gemkni—I mean, Picador Fiend, attack Buck directly and finish this duel!"

The Picador Fiend replica nodded and glowed bright green, sending a barrage of green embers at the half-orc. Macarena Fiend jumped over to intercept the attack, but she missed by mere inches, and the embers hit their mark, nailing Buck right in his porcine nose.

**(E: 100) - - - - - - - - - - (B: 0)**

Buck's face turned an even brighter shade of crimson as the Duel Disks shut down and the holograms vanished.

"Okay, buddy," Leanne spoke up. "You know the rules. You lost the duel, so you're going straight to the Shadow correctional facility."

Buck didn't reply at first, except for his heavy breathing as Leanne inched toward Grant.

"FORGET THE RULES!" he screamed, just before she could reach into the Shadowchaser's pocket. "AH'M NOT LETTIN' A GORGON AN' A FLYIN' DUSTMOP RUIN MAH NEW BUSINESS! IF AH CAN'T BEAT YEH IN A DUEL, AH'LL DO IT THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY!"

Reaching behind the desk, Buck pulled out a crowbar. Leanne made a swift grab for the gem in Grant's pocket to transport Buck to jail, but the bartender struck her in the side before she could get her hand on it. He slammed her into a wall and raised the crowbar to finish her off.

Just before the monstrous Shadow-touched could bring it down, though, he vanished into thin air.

Stunned, Leanne looked at the petrified Grant to find Ed perching one-legged on the base of his master's moustache, the gem clutched in his foot.

"Oh, thank goodness!" she sighed. "Ed, that's the second time today you've saved me from a beating."

"And don't you forget it," the bird responded. "Now, can you please get to a phone and call in somebody to restore Grant? It's almost dinnertime, and I'm starved!"

"Of course, of course," Leanne replied. "And again, I really am sorry about that."

"Yeah, I know," Ed assured her.

"By the way," she suddenly said. "Does the Treaty really state that a familiar can take its master's place in a duel like that?"

"Eh," Ed answered. "It's a grey area. I _am_ his savant in numerous ways, and I'd say this duel will stand up in a court of Shadow, especially since he fell for my bluff and accepted the challenge."

Leanne took all of this in and smiled. "You're quite the tricky little bird, aren't you?"

"No kidding. Oh, hey, wanna hear another joke? I've got some real gut-busters!"

"Uh, no."

"Oh, come on!"

…**..**_**(you get it now?)**_**…**

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**PICADOR FIEND (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **4

**ATK: **1,600

**DEF: **0

**Card Description: **When "Dark Arena" is active on your side of the field, this card can attack your opponent directly.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 **

**BANDERILLERO FIEND (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **3

**ATK: **900

**DEF: **900

**Card Description: **This card cannot attack on the round that it is Normal Summoned, Flip-Summoned, or Special Summoned. When this card is Normal Summoned successfully, destroy one opposing Monster.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**MATADOR FIEND (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Ritual/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **6

**ATK: **0

**DEF: **0

**Card Description: **This card is Ritual Summoned with the Ritual Spell card "Ritual of the Matador". You must also offer as a Tribute from the field or your hand Monsters whose total levels equal six or more. When this card battles with another Monster, reduce the battle damage to this card to zero and destroy the opposing Monster.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**RITUAL OF THE MATADOR (Spell Card)**

**Ritual Spell**

**Image: **An altar resembling the interior of a fanged mouth.

**Card Description: **This card is used to Ritual Summon "Matador Fiend". You must offer as a Tribute from the field or your hand Monsters whose total levels equal six or more.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**DARK ARENA (Spell Card)**

**Field Spell**

**Image: **A fiendish bullfighting arena shrouded in darkness.

**Card Description: **When this card is in play, all Monsters in Attack Position must attack whenever they are able. If a player's Monster does not have "Fiend" in its name, his/her opponent may choose the target of the attack for that Monster.

_Note: The preceding five cards were first used by Taitan in the "Yu-Gi-Oh! GX" episode "A Reason to Win". Creative credit goes to the writers of that episode._

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**AKHASHIC RECORD (Spell Card)**

**Normal Spell**

**Image: **A group of dinosaur bones and a large dinosaur skull.

**Card Description: **Draw two cards from your deck. If you have used any copies of either of the two drawn cards previously in the duel, remove all copies of the previously used card(s) from your hand, deck, field, and Graveyard.

_Note: This card was first used by Johan Andersen (possessed by Yubel) in the "Yu-Gi-Oh! GX" episode "The Ultimate Face-Off—Part 2". Creative credit goes to the writers of that episode._

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**DEATH AND REBIRTH (Trap Card)**

**Normal Trap**

**Image: **Gemini Elf surrounded by a purple light as Swordstalker and Gene-Warped Warwolf attack.

**Card Description: **Activate only when a Normal Monster you control is destroyed during your Battle Phase. Destroy 1 Monster your opponent controls and Special Summon the destroyed Normal Monster in face-up Attack Position. That Monster must attack this turn.

_Note: This card was first used by Yuki Judai in the final episode of "Yu-Gi-Oh! GX". Creative credit goes to the writers of that episode._

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**MACARENA FIEND (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **6

**ATK: **2,100

**DEF: **1,000

**Card Description: **This card cannot be Special Summoned. When this card and "Dark Arena" are both on the field, all Monsters that were Special Summoned are destroyed.

_Note: This card was created by Cyber Commander and is used with his permission. Creative credit goes to him._

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**INFERNAL MULETA (Trap Card)**

**Normal Trap**

**Image: **Picador Fiend fighting the skeleton of a bull in Dark Arena, holding a red cape and laughing.

**Card Description: **Select a Fiend-type Monster on your field. Until the end of the turn, the chosen Monster cannot be destroyed in battle (damage calculation is applied normally).

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**GEMKNIGHT METHYST (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Rock

**Attribute: **Earth

**Level: **4

**ATK: **1,200

**DEF: **1,600

**Card Description: **_Lacking in both brute strength and special powers, the commander of amethyst is easily the weakest of the Gemknights. However, they all agree that she has immense potential._

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

**GEMKNIGHT OPA (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Rock/Effect

**Attribute: **Earth

**Level: **2

**ATK: **600

**DEF: **300

**Card Description: **This card can attack your opponent directly. Once per turn, during your Main Phase, you may select a Monster in either player's Graveyard. Until the End Phase, this card's name is treated as the selected Monster's.

**0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0**

(YEAH! _THAT _GOT THE CREATIVE JUICES FLOWING! Ah, that was a great break from other projects, AND I CAN TELL THAT WHEN I GO BACK TO THEM, I'LL BE BACK ON TOP OF MY GAME! Bonus! Well, anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. NOTHING LEFT TO SAY BUT LEAVE LONG REVIEWS AND PUT THIS STORY ON ALERT TO WATCH FOR UPDATES! THANKS!)


	4. No Gusto, No Glory

(THOUGHT YOU WERE RID OF ME, EH? WELL, THINK AGAIN! I'll keep writing these chapters as long as I want, and as long as there are ideas knocking around my noggin, SO SIT BACK AND ENJOY!

I'd also like to mention that during this chapter, a combo was played that worked a little differently in the show. AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THE SHOW DID IT WRONG. A CARD IN THAT COMBO SHOULD NOT HAVE ACTIVATED AT THE TIME IT DID. In this chapter, it will work as it should have.

And finally, the disclaimers: "Shadowchasers" is owned by Cyber Commander and used with his full permission (heck, his URGING!), and "Yu-Gi-Oh!" is owned by Kazuki Takahashi, and if he's really going to sue me over this if I don't put up a disclaimer, there are only two explanations: I'm more popular than I thought, OR HE NEEDS A LIFE.)

**0**

**Shadowchasers: Miscellaneous Files**

**No Gusto, No Glory**

**0**

**0**

_**What drives your life? Is it love? Maybe hatred? Money? Revenge? Power? Perhaps it's justice, or sex? Everyone has something that gives their life direction, and those who have nothing don't last long.**_

_**Me? I'm unusual. What primarily drove me was always the desire to spread joy, and I was blessed with that power, be it by entertaining or by dueling. But now I'm facing someone with an equally unusual driving force in his life—a quest for something that he'll do anything to get, which explains what he's doing dueling me. Wish me luck!**_

Munich, Germany. Capital city of Bavaria, third-largest city in the country, and home to prominent museums, parks, beer halls…and a team of Shadowchasers with some of the most unique decks in the organization.

It was just after sunset when one of them, Bruno von Klein, exited the city's children's hospital. He may have given up professional clowning when he became a Shadowchaser, but he refused to give up clowning entirely, which is why every Sunday he came to this institute and did a few hours of charity work. It was immensely rewarding to see the smiles on those kids' faces, bringing a little joy into their troubled lives, and hearing them beg for more whenever he left.

Bruno had changed out of his costume by now, his dark brown hair no longer hidden under a rainbow wig, his tanned complexion devoid of makeup, and his tiny, upturned nose freed from its red rubber container.

Still, no matter what he wore, his grin was his favorite accessory. It almost never faded. It changed, to be sure, from happy to excited to sympathetic, and occasionally even to sarcastic or sinister, but it very rarely just left, and everyone around him was glad for that.

He had only walked a block or two, weighed down by his bag of supplies, both clown and…otherwise, glad for the lack of weekend traffic on both the roads and the sidewalk when a voice called out to him.

"Oi, you!"

The voice was masculine, sharp and accusing, and laced with a foreign accent. Liverpool, perhaps. Bruno looked up to find the source, and saw a figure perched on the horizontal bar of the nearest lamppost. He was humanoid, not exactly tall nor short, not exactly fat nor thin, and dressed in a fancy black cloak of surprisingly high quality with the hood drawn up over his head, and holding a bulging bag of who-knows-what between his legs.

"You're Bruno von Klein, right?" he asked. He had an air of undisguised contempt in his voice.

"Yeah," Bruno said, rolling his big brown eyes, his smile shrinking a little. "And if you're working for Fanciullo, I'll tell you what I've told every one of his goons. Rebecca has no interest in—"

"Fanciullo?" the man on the lamppost interrupted, sounding surprised. Cattivo Fanciullo was a major player in the Italian underworld, with a level of influence all over Europe. It was well-known that he desired a deck that embodied childhood, and had made all sorts of attempts to get Bruno's fellow Shadowchaser (and girlfriend), Rebecca Schafer, to part with it. Since he'd joined the Shadowchasers, he hadn't had a month go by where they hadn't gotten a letter or email from or met with a representative of Fanciullo. "Oh, no, I'd never get mixed up with _him_! I'm here for _you_!"

Bruno sighed in relief, and his smile returned to its full size. "Okay, then," he said. "What can I do for you? Do you need help?"

"Hardly," the lofty being scoffed. "I'm here to confess to a crime."

The figure stood up, took the bag from between his legs, and, with an inhuman level of grace and agility, leapt off the lamppost and onto the sidewalk on the other side of the street.

When he hit the ground, the shadows around him seemed to thicken slightly.

"Really?" Bruno replied, his eyebrow raised. "And what exactly is the nature of this crime?"

The cloaked figure chuckled and opened his bag, displaying a large amount of jewelry. "I helped myself to these from that big shop on Fifth last night," he explained. "And I thought you should know about it."

Bruno's eyes widened, as did his smile. "Well, _that _doesn't happen very often! So, if you'll just come with me, we can return that jewelry and get you a severely reduced sent—"

"Whoa, whoa!" the figure interjected, dropping the sack and holding his hands out in front of him. "I said I wanted to confess! I never said anything about turning myself in! I have no plans to give up these gems _or _go to prison!"

Bruno's smile nearly disappeared. _That _was even more unusual than a criminal turning himself in.

"Then…why do you want to confess?" the Shadowchaser asked. "You could've left with your loot, but instead you're coming right to me. What's up?"

The figure chuckled again, for a little longer this time. "I want my duel, of course. I was expecting it when I robbed the place. I slowed myself down, took my time, waited for a Shadowchaser to arrive and duel me, but nobody ever showed up! By the time the police arrived, I was forced to leave and find a Shadowchaser myself!

"Not very considerate of you, you know. I mean, I know it was the middle of the night, but I didn't realize you Shadowchasers had curfews!"

"You're not making any sense!" Bruno shouted. "You cleaned out a jewelry store and got away with it, something lots of thieves would give their left arms for, and you're _upset_?"

"That's right!" the thief shot back. "I worked hard picking out the right target and preparing to strike, and you stood me up! I'm downright insulted, I am!"

"Okay, okay," Bruno sighed, his head still spinning. "I'm sorry, I guess. But you're still not making any sense. Why are you risking serious jail time just to duel me?"

The cloaked figure let out another laugh. "Why?" he repeated. "Let me give you a hint."

The figure seized the hem of its cloak and ripped the whole thing off in one swift motion, then threw it aside and let Bruno get a good look. The Shadow underneath could pass for human, if humans had ashy grey skin, white-grey hair as thick as worms, and eyes that were completely black, except that he looked…freakish. The entire left half of his face was covered in an elaborate tattoo of the night sky, the right half had at least twenty piercings everywhere from his dark grey eyebrow to his black lips, and there was an X-shaped scar on his chin. He was dressed in a fancy black jacket whose left sleeve ended at the wrist while the right only reached the elbow, exposing the tattoo of a sword on his forearm, and black jeans covered in pockets and held by a silver belt with a black buckle. He wore clearly expensive black sneakers, and there was a sleek black Duel Disk slung over his back.

"Oh, a shadar-kai," Bruno said with a nod, his smile now a broad smirk. "That'd explain it, all right."

Shadar-kai were a nocturnal race of fey with a very pessimistic outlook on life, believing that once it was over, that was that, and nothing awaited them afterward. Because of this, they craved glory above all else, as the only thing they believed lived on of a person after death was their legacy. And since shadar-kai were classified as a Lawful Neutral race, they were always seeking to accomplish great feats of both good and evil just for the notoriety.

"Bingo, kid," the shadar-kai said with a wink. "I don't care near as much about stealing these jewels as I do about beating a Shadowchaser at his own game!

"So, Bruno, what do you say? Win and you can arrest me. Lose, and I'll take my ill-gotten gains and be on my way. Of course, I understand if you're scared…"

"I'm not scared!" Bruno objected, his smile now big and confident. "I'm flattered! You got away with your crime, and now you're coming back just to duel _me_! How can I say 'no'?"

"You can't," the shadar-kai replied with a smirk. "It's your job. So get out your Duel Disk and deck."

Bruno nodded and put his bag on the sidewalk, then bent over to unzip it, taking out the one thing he kept inside not at all related to clowning: his Duel Disk. He slipped it onto his wrist, then took his deck out of his pocket and inserted it into the Disk.

The shadar-kai, meanwhile, took his time putting on his Duel Disk, and afterward went through his bulging jeans pockets one by one. "No, that's not it…" he murmured. "No…no…ah, here we are!" What he took out, however, was no deck. It was a round disc made of glass, about the size and shape of a bike reflector, with four spindly, spider-like legs extending out of it.

Then, without warning, he hurled the object with all his might at the streetlamp that had once been his perch. It struck the pole about two-thirds of the way up, and the legs contracted, holding it in place.

"What was that?" Bruno demanded, pointing to the device.

"Relax, mate," the shadar-kai told him, taking a deck from his jacket pocket and putting it into his Duel Disk. "It's just a wireless webcam that'll send live footage of the duel to a friend of mine who'll record it and put it online. I need documented proof if I'm going to brag about defeating a Shadowchaser, after all." He reached into the pocket from which he'd taken the camera and pulled out a small remote. He hit a button and the camera's rim lit up, emitting a soft green glow. "Hello, my beloved fans!" he suddenly said, taking a dramatic pose. "This is Teodahr, now known as Teodahr the Ascending Star, bringing you another exciting duel!

"As you can see," the shadar-kai (now to be referred to as "Teodahr") continued, holding up his bag of loot. "I've lifted a small fortune in gold and gems, and am now opposing Shadowchaser Bruno von Klein, who is determined to stop me! Enjoy!"

Bruno sighed, but decided to play along, activating his Duel Disk, which expanded and launched its holo-imagers, and Teodahr did the same.

"LET'S DUEL!" they shouted, ready to give the crowd a good show.

**(Bruno: 8,000) - - - - - - - - - - (Teodahr: 8,000)**

"Since I'm a gentleman, I'll let you have the first move," Teodahr announced as they both drew their opening hands. "Use it well."

Bruno nodded and drew a sixth card, then stared at his hand. _Not a bad start, _he thought to himself. Finally, he chose a card and set it on the tray of his Duel Disk.

"I summon Tweedledum!" he declared.

In a flash of light, a form burst out of the ground and solidified in front of Bruno. It was a person—a short, fat little man in orange and purple schoolboy attire and a beanie on his head. (1,800 ATK)

"And, since I Summoned Tweedledum, I can pay eight-hundred Life Points to Special Summon his brother Tweedledee!"

Bruno's Life Points dropped slightly, and another Monster appeared next to Tweedledum. He looked like a mirror image of his brother. (1,600 ATK)

"Then, I'll set a facedown card."

Bruno slipped a card into his Disk and a holographic card back appeared behind Tweedledum.

"And I'll end my turn there."

**(B: 7,200) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 8,000)**

"Nice start," Teodahr commented, drawing a card. "But I bet I can do better."

He studied his hand, then frowned.

"Hmm…I guess I can't," he confessed. "But that's easily remedied. I activate Card Trader!"

The shadar-kai slipped a card into his Disk and the giant holographic image of a Spell Card materialized next to him. It bore the image of a sinister-looking man in dark clothing shuffling a deck of cards.

"Now, during each of my Standby Phases, I can select a card in my hand and shuffle it into my deck, then draw a new card to replace it! Great, isn't it?

"Anyway, I'll end my turn by playing a facedown card and a Monster in Defense."

Two facedown cards, one horizontal, the other vertical and behind it, appeared on the field.

"And now I'll turn it over to you. Now, show me the duelist I sought out."

Bruno's eyes went wide again. "'Sought out'?" he repeated, his smile almost disappearing from confusion. "I thought you just wanted to defeat a Shadowchaser?"

Teodahr tossed back his head and laughed. "Hardly," he replied when he was finished. "I want strong and interesting opponents. Your deck interested me because it was so rare and unusual, and reflected a love of chaos, something my kind _love_ to see destroyed!

"And I'll let you in on another secret, mate: You're not my first Shadowchaser! I've been traveling around the world, committing crimes and getting away with them by defeating Shadowchasers!

"I've beaten twelve so far, on five different continents! All of them provided a decent challenge, so I expect the same from you!"

He chuckled again, then put on a serious face. "You know," he pondered. "Maybe after I beat ninety-nine of 'em, I'll return to jolly ol' England and go for the brass ring. You know, take on your boss?

"Ah, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. It's your move."

Bruno nodded and drew a card. "You want a challenge?" he asked. "You got one! I summon the Mad Hatter!"

He played the card and a new Monster appeared. This one was a famous figure, a little man with a big nose and polka-dotted bow tie and an even bigger green top hat with a piece of paper tucked in the brim that read, in big bold letters, "**IN THIS STYLE: 10/6**". He let out a giggle and tipped his hat at his opponent, exposing a porcelain teacup on a saucer hidden underneath, and then replaced the top hat and stood up straight.

"Now, I'll attack your Set Monster with Tweedledum! Battle rattle!"

Tweedledum cackled and reached into his trousers, withdrawing a comically large, blue baby rattle. He shook it for a second, just to hear the noise, then leapt at the facedown Monster and swatted it, using his rattle as a club.

The facedown Monster was exposed as a pitiful humanoid figure sculpted from clay with everything below its waist buried in the street, but it countered Tweedledum's assault with surprising strength, knocking the hand with the rattle aside and elbowing the Warrior in his fat belly, sending him flying back to crash to the ground on his rump. (2,000 DEF)

Tweedledum pulled himself up with a snarl and pocketed his rattle.

**(B: 7,000) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 8,000)**

"Earthbound Spirit?" Bruno inquired, staring at the newly-revealed Monster. "Somebody still uses that outdated card?"

"Yes," Teodahr answered. "And clearly it still has its uses, since none of your Monsters can crack its defense. Now, will there be anything else?"

"Yes," Bruno said. "I'll play another card facedown and end it there."

He slipped another card into his Duel Disk and another facedown card appeared behind Tweedledee.

"Your move, 'Teodahr the Ascending Star'."

Teodahr nodded and drew a card, then gave his hand a long, hard look.

"I activate the effect of my Card Trader!" he announced, the Spell Card's hologram glowing with energy.

He chose a card from his hand and placed it into his deck. The Duel Disk's auto-shuffle function activated, randomizing his cards, and when it was done, Teodahr drew a card.

"Ah, that's better," he said with a smile. "But not quite good enough. I'll add to the combo by playing Schrodinger's Cat!"

He played the card, and another Continuous Spell appeared next to Card Trader, this one bearing a very odd illustration: a white cat wearing an even whiter tuxedo, holding a cane and balancing a hat on its tail.

"Now whenever I draw outside of my Draw Phase, I can shuffle the drawn cards back into my deck and try again! A perfect combo with my Card Trader!"

_He's taking all the luck out of drawing!_, Bruno realized. _Whatever he's planning, it must be a tough combo to pull off!_

"Now I'll bolster my defenses…" the shadar-kai continued.

A facedown Monster materialized next to Earthbound Spirit.

"And turn things over to you."

Bruno sighed and drew a card, then pointed at his Mad Hatter, who was sipping from his teacup.

"You know," he said. "You're not the only one with an eventful Standby Phase. You see, my Mad Hatter just hates regularity and scheduling, so each turn, he picks a different hat at random, with each one giving him a different effect.

"Let's see what he chooses, shall we?"

The Mad Hatter removed his hat and replaced the teacup, then reached inside the oversized top hat and pulled it inside-out. With a loud "POP", the hat suddenly changed, turning into an oversized bicorn hat (the kind Napoleon Bonaparte always wore in portraits), with a big number 2 on it, but with one major peculiarity—it was made of solid stone!

Nervously, the Mad Hatter placed it on his head, struggling under its weight, and further mimicked Napoleon by putting his hand inside his jacket. (1,800 ATK) - ) (1,000 ATK)

Bruno's smile shrank considerably as Teodahr cackled incessantly.

"Nice effect!" the shadar-kai laughed. "What's next? An attack on his own ally?"

"Hardly," Bruno scoffed. "But giving him an ally is certainly a good idea. I'll summon the March Hare to keep him company!"

He played the card, and a Monster materialized next to the Mad Hatter, this one an anthropomorphic hare in a dinner jacket and trousers. (1,200 ATK)

"And now, since Tweedledum attacked last time, I'll let Tweedledee handle your new Monster. Rattle battle!"

Tweedledee smiled and withdrew a rattle identical to Tweedledum's from his pocket, and Tweedledum immediately patted himself down and cast a dirty look toward his brother. Tweedledee ignored it and leapt at the set Monster, exposing a sinister-looking treasure chest, which exploded after one swat from the Warrior's toy.

"Excellent," Teodahr commented. "You just destroyed my Dark Mimic LV1, which means I get to draw a card."

He snatched a card from the top of his deck, looked it over, and frowned.

"And now, I'll use my Schrodinger's Cat to send it back and try again."

He shuffled it back into his deck and drew another card.

"Well, if you're done," Bruno said. "I end my turn."

Teodahr nodded and, without a word, drew a card. Then he chose another card in his hand, shuffled it back into his deck via Card Trader, and drew a new card. Then, thanks to Schrodinger's Cat, he reshuffled _that _card and drew yet another new one.

"Tricky deck you've got there," Bruno commented with a sly grin. "You sure it's worth the trouble?"

"Of course it is!" Teodahr snapped. "What kind of glory's to be gained by doing things the easy way? Lots of famous duelists knew that: Siegfried von Schroeder, Motegi Mokeo, Rishid Ishtar, Ryo Bakura, and Manjoume Jun, just to name a few! Everybody knows that sticking to the easy road never got anyone any notoriety!

"You see this tattoo?" he suddenly asked, pointing to his face.

"Sorta hard to miss it…" Bruno answered, his smile almost disappearing again.

"It depicts the constellation Heracles, the greatest hero of Ancient Greece. He slew monsters, all right, but few people know a part much closer to the beginning of the myth: that when he was just a youth, he was approached by two nymphs who offered him the choice to have a pleasant and easy life, or a severe but potentially glorious one. Obviously, he chose the latter. He knew even then that life was temporary, and through acts of bravery and strength, he achieved immortality by being placed in the stars.

"Obviously, that story is complete bunk, but it sure is inspirational, isn't it?"

"I suppose," Bruno replied, shaking his head. "But if you expect to become an equal of Heracles, you're sure to be disappointed. That's the thing about fiction—its heroes are always greater than those of history."

"Perhaps," Teodahr admitted. "But most legends have a basis in fact, don't they? Who knows? Maybe a couple thousand years from now, I'll be a legendary duelist, more famous than Yugi or Kaiba!

"For now, though, I'll continue my turn by activating the Spell Card, Signal Check."

He played the card, and its hologram erupted into being, showing an illustration of Neo-Spacian Glow Moss, one of Yuki Judai's famous Neo-Spacian Monsters, holding up its arms around four differently-colored balls of light—one blue, one red, one green, and one brown.

"This isn't exactly a common card, so let me explain how it works. First, you pick up cards from your deck until you get a Monster. Go on now, but don't show it to me."

Bruno took the top card from his deck. It was a Spell Card. The next was also a Spell, followed by a Trap. Finally, he picked up a Monster and gestured for his opponent to continue.

"Now, I try and guess which Attribute it belongs to, and if I'm wrong, you get to keep every card you just picked up. But if I'm right, you have to shuffle them back into your deck, and I get to draw three cards.

"Now, I know what you're thinking. 'Isn't this an awfully chaotic card for a being who values order?' Well, you're partially right, but it's hardly chaotic when you know what you're up against. And since I have it on high authority that every Monster in your deck is of the Dark Attribute, I'll name that!"

Grudgingly (but still not losing his smile), Bruno turned the card around. It was Alice, the Warden of Wonderland, his signature Monster, and she was indeed Dark.

"My, how ever did I know?" Teodahr chuckled, drawing three as Bruno shuffled the four cards back into his deck. "Hmm…I don't think I'll use Schrodinger's Cat this time.

"It's time for me to go on the offensive. I summon Opticlops!"

He played a card, and a gruesome one-eyed ogre with an ugly, curved horn appeared on the field. (1,800 ATK)

"Now, your Hatter may be the weakest Monster on your field, but I don't like the look of that Hare, so I'm taking him out now. Horn ram!"

Opticlops ran forward, but before he was halfway across the street, Bruno interrupted him.

"I activate a Trap Card!" he declared. "Go, Lobster Quadrille!"

One of Bruno's facedown cards lifted up, showing a Trap Card with a very unusual picture. Instead of a photocopy of a painted image, as most cards had, it was a copy of a hand-drawn illustration, and a rather famous one at that. It was one of John Tenniel's illustrations from Lewis Carroll's immortal tale, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, specifically the one depicting the Gryphon and the Mock Turtle dancing around Alice.

"This allows me to move March Hare into facedown Defense Mode, where he's strong enough to survive your attack!"

As the one-eyed Fiend continued to charge, the March Hare leapt into the air, and when he came down he morphed into a brown card back. Opticlops struck it with his horn and the March Hare appeared in a kneeling position, sipping a cup of tea, and then slapped Opticlops right across the face! (1,800 DEF)

The Fiend looked affronted, but then just sulked back to its master.

"Well, that's annoying," Teodahr grumbled. "But at least my Monster and my Life Points are untouched. I'll just set a facedown card and end."

A facedown card appeared.

"Then it's my move!" Bruno announced. He snatched a card and immediately turned to the Mad Hatter. "And now, it's time to decide this turn's effect!"

The Mad Hatter nodded and lifted his heavy stone hat, then reached inside of it and turned it inside-out again, transforming it into a very poorly-wrapped turban whose cloth was wrapped not only around the top of his head, but his throat as well. There was a big ruby in the center with a number 4 inside of it. (1,000 ATK) - ) (1,800 ATK)

"Hmm…" Bruno pondered. "No, I don't like that result."

"That's chaos for you!" Teodahr snickered. "You keep using effects based on luck, and sooner or later they'll disappoint you!"

"That's very true," Bruno agreed. "But I'm not the only one who doesn't like it. Take a look at my March Hare."

He was right. The March Hare was shaking his head and casting a highly disapproving glance at the Mad Hatter. The Hatter hung his head, then removed the turban and reached inside it, pulling it inside-out again. The turban transformed into an old-fashioned German war helmet, the kind with a spike on top. There was also a big 3 printed on the front.

"That's much better," Bruno commented. "You see, Teodahr, my deck isn't as chaotic as you think. The Mad Hatter may be chaotic, but that's why he has the March Hare. With him, I get the chance to alter the result of a game of chance each and every turn.

"And now, it's about time I went on the offensive, so I'll switch my March Hare back to Attack Mode, and summon Spade Guard to further bolster my army!"

The well-dressed rodent set down its tea and stood up, and a new Monster appeared next to it. It was one of the Queen of Hearts' card soldiers (the four of spades, to be specific), holding a spear topped with a playing card spade. (1,000 ATK)

"Mad Hatter, it's time to clear the field! Attack his Earthbound Spirit!"

The Mad Hatter nodded and charged forward, the spike on the helmet right out in front.

"What good will that do?" Teodahr demanded. "His Attack Points are no higher than Tweedledum's!"

"That's true," Bruno admitted. "But his new effect states that any Monster he attacks during my Battle Phase is destroyed automatically!"

Sure enough, the Mad Hatter speared Earthbound Spirit with his helmet's spike, causing the defensive Fiend to shatter into pixels.

"Tweedledum, attack Opticlops!"

Tweedledum bounced forward, rattle out, ready to suicide itself to take out Opticlops.

"Oh, no you don't!" Teodahr cried. "Activate Bark of Dark Ruler!"

One of his facedown cards lifted and Tweedledum was surrounded by a dark aura.

"Technically, I could give up any amount of Life Points to allow my Opticlops to survive, but since I like nice, round numbers, I'll give up an even thousand to lower Tweedledum's Attack Points by the same amount!"

The Trap Card let loose a horrible roar, and Tweedledum's ATK fell to 800. Opticlops jumped at the opportunity, grabbing the Warrior in a bear hug and crushing him to death.

**(B: 6,000) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 7,000)**

Bruno struggled to maintain his smile, and finally managed to say, "I end my turn."

"And I'll begin mine," Teodahr said.

He drew a card, frowned, then immediately shuffled it back into his deck and drew another one. Then he shuffled _that _card back and drew yet another, and smiled.

"Much better. Next, I'll trade in my Opticlops for something stronger…"

Opticlops vanished, and a new Monster appeared in his place, this one instantly recognizable with its huge frame, batlike wings, downward curving horns, and bony carapace. It was Yugi Motou's signature Fiend—

"The Summoned Skull!" Teodahr declared. (2,500 ATK)

"Normally I'm not a fan of demons," he added. "They're too obsessed with the forces of chaos. But I'll take good Monsters where I can get them. So now, I'll use him to wipe out your biggest threat! Summoned Skull, destroy the Mad Hatter with demon lightning!"

The Summoned Skull raised its clawed hands to the sky, and some dark clouds formed just over them, then sent a bolt of lightning right into his claws. The demon held his ground, though, and seemed fully unharmed. Furthermore, he managed to redirect the lightning right at the Mad Hatter! The poor Warrior was electrocuted and shattered into pixels on the spot.

"Then I'll play a facedown and turn it over to you."

A facedown card appeared in front of Teodahr.

**(B: 5,300) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 7,000)**

Bruno drew a card, and his smile grew considerably.

_Finally!, _he thought, _A high-level Monster!_

"Okay, 'Teodahr the Ascending Star'," he proclaimed. "It's time I knocked you back down to earth! I tribute my March Hare and Spade Guard to bring out a Monster stronger than the two of them combined!"

The two aforementioned Monsters slowly vanished into darkness, making way for a much larger shape…

"Prepare yourself, and…beware the Jabberwock!"

The dark shape came into being, but the result looked both terrifying and unreal. It was a large winged Dragon with a pear-shaped torso (for some reason wearing a vest), long limbs with ferocious claws, and a serpentine neck ending in a round, horned head with two long whiskers and giant buck teeth. It let out a brutal roar! (2,600 ATK)

"Getting a little nervous?" Bruno asked, grinning sarcastically.

"Not really," Teodahr said with a sigh. "I've faced down worse. Besides, I'm still ahead in this duel."

"Not for long!" the Shadowchaser retorted. "Jabberwock, send his Summoned Skull back to the boneyard! Merciless flame attack!"

Smoke poured from the Jabberwock's nostrils. It opened its mouth and sent forth a stream of fire that burned the skull demon to a crisp.

"Tweedledee, attack directly!"

The pudgy Warrior leapt forward and smacked Teodahr with his rattle, knocking the shadar-kai to the ground and sending his Life Points tumbling down.

**(B: 5,300) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 5,300)**

"What were you saying about being ahead?" Bruno chuckled, as Teodahr pulled himself to his feet. "There's only so far your dime-store Fiends can take you! Anyway, that's all for now, but there's more to come real soon!"

Teodahr glared at his opponent, then drew a card, far more forcefully than necessary. He stared at it, then shuffled it back with the effect of his Card Trader and drew a new one. Then he used his Schrodinger's Cat to do it once more. But when he looked at the last one, he burst out laughing. Hard. So hard that he nearly fell over.

"Good draw?" Bruno asked politely.

"Only the final piece I need to bring you down!" Teodahr cackled. He continued laughing for a few more seconds, then finally regained his composure and posed a very odd question.

"Tell me, Bruno von Klein: You wield these creatures of chaos and lawlessness, but you must know a thing or two about order, too. Do you know the three laws that define an orderly universe?"

Bruno looked Teodahr really hard in his completely black eyes, his smile shrinking into a tiny smirk. "I'm afraid I don't," he answered. "Metaphysics was never really an interest of mine."

"Then allow me to educate you.

"The first rule is that, in an orderly universe, three is the perfect number. Great things come in threes—there's the earth, sea, and sky; there's morning, afternoon, and night; multiple religions have three top deities; and, before a group of people who clearly had absolutely _nothing _to do came along, the solar system had nine planets, which is three threes! If you see two of something, look for a third.

"And I'll illustrate this point by removing not one, not two, but _three_ Fiends from my Graveyard to Special Summon Dark Necrofear!"

Teodahr took his Earthbound Spirit, Dark Mimic LV1, and Summoned Skull out of his Disk's Graveyard slot and set a new Monster on the tray. There was an instant flood of darkness, and a creature slowly formed from it, one that emitted an aura of fear. It was female, bald, with blue skin and pointed ears, wearing a silver and orange breastplate, and boots and a glove on her left arm both made of some sort of dark purple metal. There was no flesh between her chest and waist, exposing some of her ribcage and vertebrae. But by far the creepiest thing about her was the porcelain doll she carried in her arms. It wasn't even complete—its right arm was missing, as was everything below its waist, and its head had been broken open, leaving a large hole, making the pitiful stare from the doll's big eyes even creepier. Both Fiend and doll were surrounded by an aura of dark flames. (2,200 ATK)

"How's _that _for a dime-store Fiend?"

Bruno gulped, but stood his ground and maintained his smile. "More impressive, but not at all surprising," he replied. "I had a feeling it was lurking in your deck somewhere. Let me guess: Now you're going to suicide it against my Jabberwock to get yourself a stronger Monster? That won't help you—there are several cards in my deck that could destroy your Dark Necrofear in its Equip Spell form and let me take my Jabberwock right back."

Teodahr started laughing again, then gestured toward one of his facedown cards. "I don't plan on doing anything of the sort! Now, back to our lesson on the three rules of an orderly universe. You remember the first, right?"

"Of course," Bruno answered. "Three is the perfect number, so great things come in threes."

"Right," Teodahr told him. "And to help you remember, I activate my Trap Card, Rule of Three!"

One of Teodahr's facedown cards lifted, exposing a Continuous Trap with an illustration of a gorgeous woman with feathery angel wings and outstretched arms. She held a golden orb in each hand, and a third floated over her head.

"What's it do?" Bruno inquired.

"Nothing just yet," the shadar-kai answered. "Now, on to the next rule. The second rule is that, in an orderly universe, all motion is, in the long run, circular. A circle is the perfect path, and a sphere the ideal shape. The moon is a sphere that revolves around the earth, the earth a sphere that revolves around the sun, and the sun is yet another sphere!

"Here's another card to help you remember. Activate Unity of Rings!"

His other facedown card lifted, revealing another Continuous Trap Card with the image of a man and a woman holding hands inside of a design made up of three interlocking rings.

"And to illustrate my point, I activate Dimensionhole!"

He played the Spell Card, and a circular hole in time and space appeared above his Dark Necrofear. With the force of a vacuum, she was sucked into it, and both Fiend and hole disappeared.

"This removes my Dark Necrofear from play, but on my next turn, she'll come full circle and return. She's not worried about where she is or where she's going, though, because of the third rule."

"Which is?"

"Simple. You know the universe is infinite, don't you? Of course you do. But what you may not realize is that since it _is _infinite, no matter where you go or how far you travel, you'll always be at its exact center. Anywhere and everywhere is the center of all.

"And now, to complete my lesson, I activate the Spell Card, Center of All!"

He placed the card on his Duel Disk, and its hologram appeared between those of Rule of Three and Unity of Rings, this one displaying Leonardo da Vinci's famous Vitruvian Man overlaid on a cosmic background.

Suddenly, there was a bolt of lightning and a crash of thunder, even though there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

"These three cards, these metaphysical pillars, bring about a deadly combo the likes of which you've never seen!"

The holograms of the three cards turned to stone and shattered, and in their place, three columns of light shot up into the sky. Massive, dark clouds appeared over the street, and the thunder and lightning continued, becoming stronger and more frequent.

"I'll now bring forth a creature of pure Order, one entrusted with control over the very flow of time!"

Bruno's smile disappeared entirely, his mouth now being used to gape at the maniacal expression on his opponent's face as an oddly mechanical roar emanated from within the clouds.

"Come forth, great master of the temporal flow!" Teodahr cried. "Appear before me…Chronopsis the Chronomancer!"

The thing within the clouds gave another roar in reply, louder than last time, and slowly, bit by bit, emerged onto the field. It was a magnificent creature of pure gold, even bigger than Bruno's Jabberwock, and coated in shining golden armor. It was definitely a Dragon, but oddly mechanical as well, with hinges and gears on the joints of its limbs and wings. Most amazing of all, though, was what could be seen through the spaces of its armor: The inside of this wondrous Monster was neither flesh and bone nor gears and cogs—it was an entire galaxy of stars, planets, and moons! (3,000 ATK)

"Whoa…" was all that Bruno could say as he put on a (completely fake) smile of confidence.

"That's the usual response," Teodahr sighed. "It hardly emphasizes the enormity of this Monster. You see, in addition to his considerable scores in both Attack and Defense, he has two powerful abilities. First of all, destroys a Monster on the field each and every round. I think I'll do that to your Jabberwock right now."

The Chronomancer's eyes glowed, and the Jabberwock's body began stretching in all directions, making it look even more deformed before it burst into pixels.

"And secondly, he's completely immune to the effects of any card you play, whether or not they target—which means that I have nothing to fear from your facedown card!

"Chronopsis, attack that doughball with temporal blast!"

Chronopsis opened its mouth and let loose a surge of energy that engulfed Tweedledee, surrounding him with shadows, and when they disappeared, the pudgy Warrior had been turned to stone. Bruno gasped, and what was left of Tweedledee crumbled into dust.

**(B: 3,900) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 5,300)**

"That's all I can do on this round," the shadar-kai said. "Go ahead and erect some feeble defense for my Chronopsis to tear down in an instant."

_That Chronopsis is one of the deadliest cards I've ever seen!_, Bruno mentally panicked as he drew his obligatory card. _And the only way to kill it is in battle? That's no easy task…_

He stared at the card he had just drawn.

_But not impossible!_

"You say I can't destroy Chronopsis with an effect? That's fine by me! I'll just take it down the old-fashioned way, and I'll start by summoning Alice, the Warden of Wonderland!"

A new Monster appeared on the field. It was clearly the Alice seen on the Tenniel illustrations on some of the other cards Bruno had played, but…different. She had done some growing up, and was now a teenager rather than a child. She still had the same blue dress, though, and the same blue bow tied in her long, blonde hair, but her expression was serious, maybe even angry. She also carried a knife in her right hand. (1,300 ATK)

"And I'll increase her strength by equipping her with Vorpal Blade!"

He played the card, and Alice's knife changed, morphing into a long, double-edged sword that gleamed in the glow emanating from Chronopsis. (1,300 ATK) - ) (2,100 ATK)

"She's still not strong enough," Teodahr said, shaking his head.

"Yeah? Well, I don't care! Alice, attack Chronopsis! Vorpal blade attack!"

Alice grabbed her new sword with both hands, then jumped up and flew right at the great Dragon's face.

"But she's too weak!" Teodahr insisted. "She'll die in an instant!"

"Maybe, maybe not," Bruno told him. "It all depends on how good a guesser I am! Go, Enchanted Mushroom!"

He played another card, and its hologram shimmered into being. It bore another Tenniel illustration, this one of Alice confronting the Caterpillar atop his mushroom.

"Now I choose a Monster, such as Alice, and then I choose a card in your hand, and guess whether it's a Spell, Trap, or Monster. If I'm right, Alice will grow to giant size, doubling her Attack Points, which, by the way, include the ones she got from Vorpal Blade. If I'm wrong, she'll shrink and lose half of her Attack Points, and I'll take even more damage than I would now."

"But why attack first and activate it second?" the shadar-kai objected. "You could've activated it during your Main Phase and decided whether or not to attack based on the result!"

"What can I say?" Bruno replied. "I like to live dangerously."

"Okay, then," Teodahr said with a smirk, holding up the last card in his hand. "Go right ahead and guess."

Bruno stared at the card for a few seconds (Alice and Chronopsis had frozen in place when he'd activated his Quickplay), but finally spoke up.

"Well, let's see…if it were a Trap Card, you probably would have set it, and if it were a Monster, you probably would have summoned it so you could do more damage, so…I'm betting it's a Spell Card!"

Teodahr's smile grew even bigger as he turned the card around. It wasn't a Spell, but a Monster, and not one that Bruno recognized. It was a Dragon-Type, clearly, and it had the orange border of an Effect Monster, and it was high-level, which must've been why Teodahr hadn't summoned it, but the strangest part was that, though Bruno couldn't read the text and make sure, it seemed to have _nothing _to do with his Chronopsis strategy!

"You were wrong," Teodahr laughed, turning his card back around. "And that means Alice is a goner."

Sure enough, the battle resumed, and Alice shrunk down to the size of a baby, the sword now far too large and heavy for her. (2,100 ATK) - ) (1,050 ATK)

Chronopsis roared, and vaporized Alice on the spot.

**(B: 1,950) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 5,300)**

_Well, that was a bust, _Bruno thought to himself. _But I still have a hunch…_

"I'll play a card facedown," he said, slipping his last card into the Disk. "And end my turn."

Teodahr drew a card, then shuffled the card he had shown Bruno back into his deck with Card Trader and drew a new one. Then he used Schrodinger's Cat to send that one back and draw yet again.

"And now that that's out of the way," Teodahr sighed. "Please join me in welcoming back Dark Necrofear!"

The hole in time and space from Teodahr's last turn suddenly reappeared on the field and Dark Necrofear was shot out of it. She landed gracefully, though, and didn't seem at all shaken from her trip.

"Now, my fans," he said, addressing the camera. "It's time for the surprise twist! I activate the effect of my Chronopsis once again!"

"But I don't have any Monsters!" Bruno objected. (Though he didn't seem completely surprised…)

"I know. I'm using it to destroy my own Dark Necrofear!"

Chronopsis turned around and his eyes lit up again. Dark Necrofear let out a horrible shriek just before she was obliterated.

"I've never liked looking at her, anyway, and I only need one attack to end this. Chronopsis, attack directly! Temporal blast!"

Chronopsis opened its mouth wide and let loose another surge of energy, but Bruno just hit a button on his Disk and one of his facedown cards lifted up, conjuring three robed priestesses that intercepted the attack, saving him from any and all damage.

"Waboku," Teodahr hissed when the attack was finished. "Damn. You really are persistent, aren't you?"

"Not just persistent," Bruno shot back. "I'm smart, too! I know why you _really _destroyed Dark Necrofear! It's not because you didn't like her, or even that you liked showing off your strongest Monster—it's that Chronopsis' effect isn't optional! He _has _to destroy a Monster each round, whether there's one on the opponent's field or not! He'd even have to destroy himself if there was no other option!

"I'm right, aren't I? I can see it all over your face, plain as day!"

Teodahr wrinkled his nose in disgust, but finally nodded. "Very astute," he commented. "Most of my opponents never realize that, especially since I'm a shadar-kai and they think I'm just showing off. But it doesn't matter. You'll lose very soon, especially since I've just drawn the very card that can cancel out my Chronomancer's weakness.

"Now, I'll set these facedown and end my turn."

Two facedown cards, a Monster and a Spell or Trap, appeared on Teodahr's field.

"Now show me how those ugly creatures of chaos can possibly oppose the master of the temporal flow."

Bruno gritted his teeth and drew a card.

"You know, Teodahr," he said. "I'm getting pretty tired of you insulting my deck. You think these cards represent pure Chaos? Nothing but lawlessness? Well, I've got news for you: Numerous people who have studied Alice's Adventures in Wonderland agree that he makes multiple references to the most orderly thing in existence!"

"Oh?" Teodahr said, raising an eyebrow that had been pierced in three different places. "And what's that?"

"Math, specifically calculus. For example, in chapter one, when Alice shrinks, she wonders if she will go out like a candle, reflecting a limit. In chapter five, a pigeon insists that little girls are a kind of serpent, because both little girls and serpents eat eggs, an obvious substitution of variables. And in chapter seven, the Mad Hatter, March Hare, and Dormouse give examples in which the semantic value of a sentence is not the same as its inverse, explaining an inverse relationship.

"And if you don't believe me, ask Keith Devlin. He asserted in the journal of the Mathematical Association of America that Carroll wrote the final draft of his novel as a satire of modern mathematics that were emerging in the mid-19th century."

Teodahr didn't speak. He just glared at Bruno.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Now, I activate Forced Reshuffle!"

Bruno played the card, exposing a Spell with another Tenniel illustration, this one of Alice being attacked by a swarm of playing cards as several animals scampered out from underneath her feet.

"Now, I get to draw a card, plus one for every playing card soldier I return from my Graveyard to my deck!"

Spade Guard slipped out of his Disk's Graveyard slot and he shuffled it into his deck, then drew two cards.

_Well,_ he thought, _what do you know? I got just what I needed!_

"I know what you're planning, kid!" Teodahr shouted. "Once you replenish your hand, you're only going to play Spell and Trap Cards this turn, leaving Chronopsis with nothing to destroy but my own Monsters! Well, it won't work, because I'm activating my facedown card, Return Talisman!"

Teodahr's facedown card lifted, showing a Continuous Trap Card with the image of two gyroscopic rings etched with strange runes.

"Now if you ever fail to summon a Monster on your turn, this card will grant you a Return Token, meaning Chronopsis will always have something to destroy!"

"Then I'll just have to play along! I activate my other facedown! Worthless Witness!"

The last card on Bruno's field lifted up, exposing a Trap with yet another Tenniel illustration, namely the White Rabbit decked out in a robe covered in hearts, holding a scroll and blowing on a horn.

"Now, I just remove a Dark Monster from my Graveyard…"

Mad Hatter shot out of his Graveyard, and he placed the card in his pocket.

"And I get to summon a Witness Token!"

A new creature materialized in front of Bruno, and it earned a strange look from Teodahr. It looked like a chibi version of the Mad Hatter, with a hat far too large for him. He just sat quietly, eating a slice of buttered bread and sipping from a teacup. (1,000 DEF)

"And now, I'll sacrifice him to set a Monster in Defense Mode!"

The Token vanished and was replaced by a horizontal facedown card.

"And then I'll set another card."

Another facedown card, this one vertical, appeared behind the defensive Monster.

"Finally, I'll end my turn."

Teodahr drew, then activated Card Trader and Schrodinger's Cat again.

"Why are you still rearranging your hand?" Bruno asked. "You already brought out your ace and completed your combo, so what does it matter?"

Teodahr laughed his cruel laugh again. "Oh, that's cute. You think my deck has only a single strategy. Well, think again! If you're lucky, you may actually see another—though I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you.

"Anyway, you say Carroll liked math, eh? Well, here's a Monster for you! I summon Laplace, the Fiend Mathematician!"

He played the card, and a skeletal figure appeared, one dressed in a blue scholar's robe and a brown cape, with bony hands and feet, whose head was some sort of horned animal skull—a bison, perhaps. (1,000 ATK)

"And now, Chronopsis, destroy his facedown Monster!"

Chronopsis' eyes glowed again, and Bruno's facedown Monster lifted up, exposing another playing card soldier, this one the two of hearts with a red heart atop its spear. It let out a scream and shattered into triangles.

"I'm guessing you didn't study my deck as thoroughly as you're letting on," Bruno chuckled. "Because if you had, you would've known that the only reason I'd make a Tribute Summon under the circumstances is to bring out my Heart Guard—and you'd also know that when Heart Guard is destroyed, I can bring out Club Guard, Spade Guard, and Diamond Guard from my deck!"

Three more playing card soldiers appeared (Teodahr was momentarily able to see that they were the four of spades from before, as well as the three of clubs and the five of diamonds), but then crouched down on their stomachs, making them indistinguishable from each other except for the playing card symbols on their spears. (500 DEF x3)

"Big deal!" Teodahr snarled. "I can destroy all of them this turn! I flip my facedown Morphing Jar into Attack Mode!"

Teodahr's set card disappeared and was replaced by the hologram of a ceramic jar. In a flash, a long, black worm with one eye and a toothy grin emerged from it and let out an eerie laugh. (700 ATK)

"And when it's flipped—"

"I know, I know!" Bruno interrupted. "Both of us discard our entire hands—or we would if we had them—and draw five!"

Teodahr nodded, and both players drew five cards. Teodahr, however, frowned.

"I'll use my Schrodinger's Cat again!" he declared.

He took all five of his cards and placed them back into his deck, then reshuffled and drew five more.

"That's better, I guess," he sighed. "Now, my Monsters, destroy his pathetic soldiers!"

Chronipsis roared and vaporized Spade Guard. Laplace jumped forward and slashed through Diamond Guard. And Morphing Jar lunged out and blasted through Club Guard.

"That should do for this turn," Teodahr chuckled. "Let's see your next pitiful defense."

Bruno drew and smiled at Teodahr.

_My gut's telling me not to Normal Summon this turn…_, he thought.

"Oh, I have no plans to defend this turn, Teodahr," he laughed. "It's time I went on the offensive. You see, I _wanted _you to destroy my playing card soldiers so I could activate _this_! Go, Queen's Invitation!"

Bruno's facedown card lifted up, revealing a Spell Card with Tenniel's illustration of the Queen's Fish Footman presenting the Duchess' Frog Footman a letter. The card glowed and vanished, and four cards shot out of Bruno's Graveyard.

"I can only activate this when Heart Guard, Club Guard, Spade Guard, and Diamond Guard are all in my Graveyard. By removing them from play, I can bring out the most powerful Monster in my deck—the Queen of Hearts!"

A new Monster materialized in front of Bruno, and this one radiated power. It was a young woman with a gorgeous figure, and she was decked out in a beautiful gown covered in playing card symbols and holding a staff topped with a red heart. She looked nothing like her counterpart in John Tenniel's drawings. (3,400 ATK)

"Wait!" Teodahr objected. "This makes no sense! Why did you set a Normal Spell Card? You had no way of knowing that my facedown Monster was Morphing Jar!"

"Actually, I had a hunch, and my hunches are usually right, even if I was wrong about that card in your hand being a Spell, but that's irrelevant. You see, I _had _to set it, or I would've lost it before you'd even flipped your Morphing Jar. Any card drawn via Aggressive Reshuffle is discarded during the End Phase unless you can play it. I had to set it to keep it.

"And now that we're perfectly clear on everything…Queen of Hearts, vanquish his Chronopsis! Heart of Darkness!"

The Queen of Hearts raised her staff and a swirl of darkness appeared around the topper. The darkness thickened, and finally she fired a blast of dark magic at the gigantic Dragon. Chronopsis roared in agony and died in a fantastic explosion, taking its storm clouds with it and letting the moonlight shine through once again.

**(B: 1,950) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 4,900)**

"You scum!" Teodahr screamed. "How dare you destroy a creature of such power, such beauty! You'll pay for this!"

"Send me the bill," Bruno shrugged. "For now, my turn continues. I activate Mystical Space Typhoon to destroy your Card Trader."

He played the card and a tornado erupted on the field, blasting Teodahr's Card Trader to smithereens.

"And I'll also play a facedown."

A facedown card appeared behind the Queen.

"And now, I'll end my turn.

"What are you going to do now, Teodahr? Your whole strategy has collapsed. Your greatest Monster, the one your entire deck focuses on bringing out, is gone, and to make matters worse, you can no longer manipulate your draws. How can you win now?"

Teodahr scowled as he drew his obligatory card, but then managed a sadistic grin.

"You really think my deck is only capable of one trick?" he chuckled. "Clearly, you haven't been paying attention."

"What do you mean?" Bruno shot back.

"The first rule, mate! You know, 'things come in threes'? My deck has _three _great powers, each one representing a different quality required to achieve fame and glory!

"Chronopsis, you see, represented patience, which you need in spades just to summon him. This next one represents intelligence and planning.

"And now, to set the stage, I activate the Field Spell, Relativity Field!"

The Field Spell slot in Teodahr's Duel Disk opened up, and the shadar-kai gleefully inserted a card. At once, darkness surrounded the two duelists, but this was very different from the darkness brought about by Chronopsis. This was the darkness of the deepest cosmos, the only light being the dim glow of countless stars.

"And now, back to the here and now, specifically the first rule. Dueling, like so much else, follows that rule. I'm sure you can tell me the three types of cards, can't you?"

"Of course," Bruno replied, his smile growing. "Monsters, Spells, and Traps. Everybody knows that."

"Very good!" Teodahr told him. "And now, I'll make use of all three. I activate Battle Constants!"

He played the card, and Laplace, Schrodinger's Cat, and Return Talisman vanished into motes of light.

"This card requires me to remove one Monster, one Continuous Spell, and one Continuous Trap from play, and in exchange, I can conjure a creature of pure logic! Emerge, Brain Dragon!"

A roar was heard in the distance, and another titanic Monster swooped down in front of Teodahr. Like Chronopsis, it was a Dragon, but not quite as grand. It was long and serpentine, and purple in color, with three sets of wings and small but still very sharp claws. (2,800 ATK)

"Big deal," Bruno said, waving his hand. "It's still not strong enough to topple my Queen."

"Not yet," Teodahr agreed. "But I haven't told you about Laplace's effect. When he goes, you lose three-hundred Life Points for every card on the field, and I see five!"

A red glow enveloped Bruno as his Life Points plummeted.

**(B: 450) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 4,900)**

"And whenever a player loses Life Points, my Relativity Field activates, evening out the equation by deducting an equal number of points from the Attack Scores of all of the affected player's Monsters!"

The Queen of Hearts let out a scream as she was surrounded by an identical aura, and then…she changed. Her figure became far less flattering, downright stout and ugly, and she seemed to age at least twenty years. (3,400 ATK) - ) (1,900 ATK)

"And now she's easy pickings for my Brain Dragon!" Teodahr laughed. "Brain Dragon, atta—"

"Not so fast!" Bruno interjected. "I activate my Trap Card, Caucus-Race!"

Bruno's facedown card lifted, exposing (you guessed it!) another card with a Tenniel illustration, this one of the Dodo presenting Alice with a thimble as numerous other animals stared at the ceremony.

"You know," he chuckled. "I only set this as a bluff, but you made it work. This card forces all of your Monsters in face-up Attack Mode to attack during the Battle Phase—"

"So what?" Teodahr objected. "I was going to do that anyway!"

"—and _I _get to choose the order! So I say that your Morphing Jar attacks first!"

Without so much as a word from its master, the shadowy worm emerged from its jar and was blasted to smithereens by the Queen's scepter.

**(B: 450) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 3,700)**

"And thanks to your own Relativity Field, your Brain Dragon loses 1,200 Attack Points!"

Brain Dragon roared as its ATK fell (2,800 ATK) - ) (1,600 ATK), and then lunged at the Queen, only to be blown apart, angering Teodahr further.

**(B: 450) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 3,400)**

"I set two cards and turn it over to you…" the shadar-kai grumbled as two holographic card backs appeared in front of him.

Bruno smiled even bigger as he drew his obligatory card.

"Sorry, 'Teodahr the Ascending Star'," he chortled. "But it's time to finish this. I summon Humpty Dumpty!"

He played the card, and a very unusual Monster appeared in a flash of light. It was a gargantuan egg, about five feet from top to bottom, with spindly little arms and legs, a wide face, and, to make the whole sight even stranger, the clothes of a British nobleman. (2,300 ATK)

"Well, he's about to have a great fall!" Teodahr screamed. "I activate Trap Hole to destroy him!"

One of Teodahr's facedown cards lifted, and a deep pit appeared underneath Humpty Dumpty. The egg fell in, and a loud CRACK was heard from the bottom.

"Okay…" Bruno said. "Plan B. I activate the Spell Card, Morals from the Duchess!"

He played the card, and yet another Tenniel-illustrated card materialized in front of him, this one with an illustration of Alice (holding a flamingo, of all things) standing next to a _very _ugly woman.

"Now you show me the card on top of your deck, and depending on whether it's a Monster, Spell, or Trap Card, an effect will activate."

_My gut may be telling me to do this, _he thought. _But if it's a Trap Card, I'm sunk!_

Teodahr shrugged and plucked a card off the top of his deck and showed it to his opponent. It was Emergency Provisions, a Spell Card.

"Perfect!" Bruno said. "Now both of us shuffle our decks and gain 1,000 Life Points!"

Teodahr put Emergency Provisions back into his deck and both players let the auto-shufflers do their work as their Life Points increased.

**(B: 1,450) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 4,400)**

"And since my Life Points increased, that means my Queen's Attack Points…_stay the same?_"

It was true. The Queen of Hearts hadn't gained so much as a single Attack Point.

"Yeah, sorry," Teodahr chuckled. "Relativity Field only activates when a player _loses _Life Points. Gaining them won't help your Monsters at all. Seems there was a flaw in your plan."

"A flaw in _mine_?" Bruno countered. "How about _yours_? You realize that if you had set those facedown cards _before_ you activated Battle Constants, you would have won when Laplace left the field?"

That earned him a scowl from the shadar-kai.

"Of course I realized that!" Teodahr told him. "But that's hardly an exciting enough finish! It's far more pleasurable to end things with a battle between titans!"

"Whatever," Bruno shrugged. "Queen of Hearts, attack directly! Off with his head!"

The Queen smiled and lunged forward, swinging her scepter right at Teodahr's neck. The shadar-kai barely reacted, though, and simply allowed his Life Points to fall.

**(B: 1,450) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 2,500)**

"And now I'll set a card and end my turn."

A facedown card appeared behind the Queen.

"Your move."

Teodahr snarled and snatched a card off the top of his deck.

"I activate another Card Trader!" he declared.

He played the card, and the Continuous Spell appeared again.

"And next, I activate my facedown card, Return of the Forgotten!"

His facedown card lifted up, exposing a Continuous Trap Card with an image of Dark King of the Abyss sneering at Dark Ruler Ha Des.

"This works like Call of the Haunted, except that it brings back a Monster that I removed from play. I choose Laplace, the Fiend Mathematician."

Laplace appeared back on the field, looking good as new (which still wasn't that good).

"And now, fans," he said, shouting to the camera. "It's time for my Brain Dragon to make its triumphant return! I activate another Battle Constants!"

He played the card, and Laplace, Card Trader, and Return of the Forgotten vanished, bringing back Brain Dragon in all of its glory.

"You can Special Summon that from the Graveyard, too?" Bruno exclaimed.

"No," Teodahr admitted. "But he's so easy to Summon, I have two—not that it makes this one my deck's third great power. Anyway, you remember Laplace's effect, don't you?"

**(B: 250) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 2,500)**

_Good thing I bolstered my Life Points last turn…_, Bruno thought.

"And now Relativity Field kicks in…" Teodahr reminded him.

The Queen shrunk down even more, becoming even stouter and surlier. (1,900 ATK) - ) (700 ATK)

"Now, Brain Dragon," Teodahr cried, making a sweeping arm movement. "Finish this duel with one more attack! Big bang blast!"

Brain Dragon roared and conjured a large ball of glowing energy in its mouth.

"Not so fast!" Bruno objected, his smile spreading. "I activate my Trap Card!"

Bruno's facedown card lifted, exposing a Continuous Trap with Tenniel's illustration of a crowd of people (most notably the King and Queen of Hearts and their executioner) arguing under the large, grinning, disembodied head of the Cheshire Cat.

"'Behead the Bodiless?'?" the shadar-kai said, reading the card's name. "What in the world is _that_?"

"Only the rarest and most powerful Trap Card in my entire deck," Bruno bragged. "Now, you choose a Monster on your field. Any Monster at all."

"You know I only have Brain Dragon!" Teodahr snapped.

"Then it's a pretty easy choice. Anyway, the selected Monster now becomes a nonentity, unable to attack, change its battle position, or be targeted by the effect of any card other than this one. So your attack is called off."

Slowly, but very noticeably, the Brain Dragon's serpentine body vanished into nothingness, leaving only its snarling face.

Teodahr's face was a perfect match.

"Well," Bruno chortled. "Since you seem to be out of cards, I guess I'll take my turn."

He drew a card and looked over his hand.

_Okay,_ he thought. _I think this duel's just about over._

"I summon another Alice, the Warden of Wonderland!"

He played the card, and another teenaged Alice sprung up in front of him.

"Oh, and one other thing about Behead the Bodiless?," he said. "If the targeted Monster is the only one on your field, I can attack you directly. So I'll do just that with both of my Monsters!"

Alice leapt forward and slashed the shadar-kai with her knife, and the Queen blasted him with a (severely weakened) burst of dark magic.

**(B: 250) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 500)**

"And let's not forget your Relativity Field, which, as you know, doesn't target…"

Brain Dragon's head let out a pitiful roar as most of its power drained away. (2,800 ATK) - ) (800 ATK)

"Ugh!" Teodahr grunted. "Is that all you've got?"

"Not quite," Bruno told him, setting a facedown card. "But that's all for now. Make your last turn."

_And let my Trap Card finish you off…_

Teodahr made his draw, then frowned.

"Dead draw?" Bruno asked.

"Admittedly, yes," Teodahr replied. "Luckily, I have another chance."

"What do you mean?"

"My Brain Dragon may be a pitifully weak nonentity, but he's still technically Brain Dragon, which means his effect still works. Namely, during every one of my Draw Phases, I can draw two extra cards, then select one to keep, and put the other back on top of my deck in the order of my choosing."

He picked up two extra cards, sighed, and then placed two of the cards back on top of his deck.

"Still no good?" Bruno inquired.

"No, it's fine," Teodahr replied. "It's just that I was really hoping that you'd be the first to get me to bring out all three of my deck's great powers. Oh, well.

"Now, you remember the second rule of an orderly universe, don't you?"

"'Things travel in circles'?" Bruno quoted, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah, what about it?"

"Well, this duel's about to come full circle. The first Monster I played was a Fiend, and now I'm going to end it with a Fiend."

"I sacrifice my Brain Dragon to summon Great Maju Garzett."

What little was left of the great Dragon vanished to make way for an atypical Fiend, bright crimson in color, with large, curved horns. (0 ATK)

"And as I'm sure you know, Great Maju Garzett gains double the Attack Points of the Monster sacrificed to summon him.

"And that's base Attack, by the way. He doesn't care about changes."

The unremarkable Fiend suddenly swelled up to leviathan proportions, becoming very remarkable indeed. (0 ATK) - ) (5,600 ATK)

_No!,_ Bruno panicked. _It's too strong! My facedown Rising Energy won't make any difference now!_

"Great Maju Garzett," Teodahr commanded. "Wipe out his pathetic excuse for a queen with claws of the abyss!"

The enormous demon let out a wicked cackle, then reached down with one titanic claw and grabbed the Queen of Hearts. She let out a pitiful scream as his talons dug into her, and finally, she was silenced forever as Bruno was blown back by the immense shockwave of the attack.

**(B: 0) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 500)**

"Okay, fans," the shadar-kai shouted to the camera as the holograms faded. "That's win number thirteen! Keep an eye out for my next duel! Until then, this is Teodahr the Ascending Star signing off!"

With that, he pulled out his remote and turned off the webcam, then took off his Duel Disk, fastened it onto his back, donned his cloak, grabbed his bag of ill-gotten gains, and leapt over to grab the webcam off of the lamppost, all in about five seconds.

"Well," he chuckled, pocketing the webcam. "I guess you weren't _quite_ the challenge I was hoping for, Bruno. Ah, well. Don't feel too bad. You _are_ my thirteenth Shadowchaser, you know."

With that, he tossed the bag of jewelry over his shoulder and jumped up onto the roof of a nearby two-story house and prepared to make his escape.

"Wait!" Bruno cried out, getting to his feet.

"What?" Teodahr asked, stopping in his tracks.

"There's something I have to know. You said your deck had three great powers, but I only saw two. What's the third?"

Teodahr chuckled to himself, but answered anyway.

"I'm not going to tell you that, exactly," he replied. "After all, I'll likely be back to challenge one of your teammates. But I will tell you what it represents.

"Chronopsis the Chronomancer represents patience, the ability to wait for the opportunity to do something great.

"Brain Dragon represents intelligence, the ability to recognize an opportunity when it shows up, and to know how to act when it does.

"The third power represents effort, the ability to actually _try _to achieve greatness, as well as the strength to weather all the challenges that the world throws at you, and to gain strength not only from assistance, but from opposition as well."

He laughed, then leapt to the next rooftop.

"Good-bye, Bruno von Klein," he called out as he made his exit. "Keep an eye out for me on the web!"

Bruno just stared at the dot in the distance that was Teodahr the Ascending Star. He had beaten him, mocked him, and was about to humiliate him worldwide…but when he thought about what a great duel they'd had, he couldn't help but smile.

_**Everyone has something that drives their life, and some people have stronger drives than others. All I know is, if you are truly passionate about whatever motivates you, achieving your goals is just about guaranteed.**_

_**That's not always a good thing in the long run, though…**_

**0**

**LAPLACE, THE FIEND MATHEMATICIAN (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fiend/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **4

**ATK: **1,000

**DEF: **1,000

**Card Description: **When this card is removed from the field, your opponent takes direct damage equal to 300 times the number of cards on the field.

**0**

**BRAIN DRAGON (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Dragon/Effect

**Attribute: **Light

**Level: **8

**ATK: **2,800

**DEF: **2,300

**Card Description: **This card cannot be Normal Summoned or set. This card can only be Special Summoned via the effect of "Battle Constants". When this card is face-up on your side of the field, draw an additional two cards during your Draw Phase. Then, select two cards from your hand and return them to the top of your deck in any order.

**0**

**SCHRODINGER'S CAT (Spell Card)**

**Continuous Spell**

**Image: **A cat in a white tuxedo holding a cane, balancing a top hat on its tail.

**Card Description: **When you draw cards outside your Draw Phase, (except via the effect of "Schrodinger's Cat"), you may shuffle them back into your deck, and then draw cards equal to the number of cards you shuffled back into your deck.

**0**

**BATTLE CONSTANTS (Trap Card)**

**Normal Spell**

**Image: **Brain Dragon in a maelstrom of energy.

**Card Description: **Remove from play one Monster, one Continuous Spell Card, and one Continuous Trap Card on your side of the field. Special Summon one "Brain Dragon" from your hand or deck.

**0**

**RELATIVITY FIELD (Spell Card)**

**Field Spell**

**Image: **A black silhouette of a duelist casting a rainbow-colored shadow in the forefront.

**Card Description: **When a player takes battle damage or effect damage, each Monster he/she has face-up on the field loses Attack Points equal to the amount of Life Points he/she lost.

_Note: The preceding five cards were first used by Dr. Zweinstein in the "Yu-Gi-Oh! GX" episode "It's All Relative". Creative credit goes to the creators of that episode._

**0**

**RETURN TALISMAN (Trap Card)**

**Continuous Trap**

**Image: **Two gyroscopic rings etched with runes.

**Card Description: **During the End Phase of your opponent's turn, if they didn't Normal Summon, set, or Special Summon a Monster, Special Summon a "Return Token" (Fairy-Type/DARK/2 Stars/ATK 1,000/DEF 1,000) to your opponent's field in Defense Mode.

_Note: This card was first used by Mizuchi in the "Yu-Gi-Oh! GX" episode "Mirror, Mirror, Part 2". Creative credit goes to the creators of that episode._

**0**

**SIGNAL CHECK (Spell Card)**

**Normal Spell**

**Image: **Neo-Spacian Glow Moss holding up its hands while four orbs (red, blue, green, and brown) float between them.

**Card Description: **Your opponent picks up cards from his deck until he picks up a Monster Card, then guess its Attribute. If your guess is incorrect, your opponent adds all of the picked-up cards to his/her hand. If your guess is correct, your opponent shuffles all of the picked-up cards back into his/her deck and you draw 3 cards.

**0**

**RULE OF THREE (Trap Card)**

**Continuous Trap**

**Image: **A beautiful woman with angelic wings holding two golden orbs in her outstretched arms while a third one hovers over her head.

**Card Description: **You may activate this card if at least one of your Fiend or Fairy-Type Monsters that is Level Four or less has been removed from play. You must have one Fiend or Fairy-Type Monster that is Level Four or less removed from play for each time you activate a card with this name.

**0**

**UNITY OF RINGS (Trap Card)**

**Continuous Trap**

**Image: **A male and female figure holding hands inside a design made up of three interlocking golden rings.

**Card Description: **You may activate this card if at least one of your Fiend or Fairy-Type Monsters that is Level Five or Six has been removed from play. You must have one Fiend or Fairy-Type Monster that is Level Five or Six removed from play for each time you activate a card with this name.

**CENTER OF ALL (Spell Card)**

**Normal Spell**

**Image: **Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man in the midst of a cosmic scene.

**Card Description: **You may activate this card if at least one of your Fiend or Fairy-Type Monsters that is Level Seven or higher has been removed from play. Send one face-up "Rule of Three" and one face-up "Unity of Rings" on your side of the field to the Graveyard to Special Summon one "Chronopsis the Chronomancer" from your hand or deck. You must have one Fiend or Fairy-Type Monster that is Level Seven or higher removed from play for each time you activate a card with this name.

**0**

**CHRONOPSIS THE CHRONOMANCER (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Dragon/Effect

**Attribute: **Light

**Level: **10

**ATK: **3,000

**DEF: **3,000

**Card Description: **This card cannot be Normal Summoned or set. This card can only be Special Summoned via the effect of "Center of All". Once per round, during your Main Phase, destroy one Monster on the field (this effect is not optional). This card is not affected by Spell Cards, Trap Cards, and Monster effects except its own effect.

**0**

**ALICE, THE WARDEN OF WONDERLAND (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Fairy/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **4

**ATK: **1,300

**DEF: **1,000

**Card Description: **When this face-up Monster is attacked by an opponent's Monster with 2,000 ATK or less, toss one coin and call it. If you call it right, negate the attack.

**0**

**THE JABBERWOCK (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Dragon/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **7

**ATK: **2,600

**DEF: **2,000

**Card Description: **When this card is face-up on your side of the field, your opponent cannot select "Alice, the Warden of Wonderland" as an attack target.

**0**

**ENCHANTED MUSHROOM (Spell Card)**

**Quick-Play Spell**

**Image: **Tenniel's illustration of Alice confronting the Caterpillar on his mushroom, in black and white.

**Card Description: **Choose one Level 4 or lower Monster on your side of the field. Choose one of the cards in your opponent's hand at random and guess whether it is a Monster, Spell, or Trap Card. If you guess correctly, double the chosen Monster's ATK until the End Phase of the current turn. If you guess incorrectly, halve the chosen Monster's ATK until the End Phase of the current turn.

**0**

**TWEEDLEDEE (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **4

**ATK: **1,600

**DEF: **1,800

**Card Description: **When this card is successfully Normal Summoned, you may pay 800 Life Points to Special Summon one "Tweedledum" from your hand or deck.

**0**

**TWEEDLEDUM (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **4

**ATK: **1,800

**DEF: **1,600

**Card Description: **When this card is successfully Normal Summoned, you may pay 800 Life Points to Special Summon one "Tweedledee" from your hand or deck.

**0**

**SPADE GUARD (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **3

**ATK: **1,000

**DEF: **500

**Card Description: **_They serve as manual laborers for the Queen of Hearts on most occasions, but can still wield a weapon of they have to._

**0**

**CLUB GUARD (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **3

**ATK: **1,000

**DEF: **500

**Card Description: **_The rank-and-file of the Queen's army. They are little more than grunts._

**0**

**DIAMOND GUARD (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **3

**ATK: **1,000

**DEF: **500

**Card Description: **_A skilled fighter in the service of the Queen of Hearts. He is dedicated to his liege._

**0**

**HEART GUARD (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **5

**ATK: **1,000

**DEF: **1,000

**Card Description: **This card cannot be Special Summoned. When this card is destroyed and sent to the Graveyard, Special Summon one "Spade Guard", one "Club Guard", and one "Diamond Guard" from your hand or deck.

**0**

**QUEEN'S INVITATION (Spell Card)**

**Normal Spell**

**Image: **Tenniel's illustration of the Fish Footman presenting the Frog Footman with an envelope at the door of the Duchess' house, in black and white.

**Card Description: **This card can be activated if one "Spade Guard", one "Club Guard", one "Diamond Guard", and one "Heart Guard" are in your Graveyard. Remove the above Monsters in your Graveyard from play. Special Summon one "The Queen of Hearts" from your hand or deck.

**0**

**THE QUEEN OF HEARTS (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Spellcaster/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **9

**ATK: **3,400

**DEF: **2,400

**Card Description: **This card cannot be Normal Summoned or set. This card cannot be Special Summoned except via the effect of "Queen's Invitation". If this card is destroyed as a result of battle, place one "Dark Heart Counter" on the Monster that destroyed it. A Monster with a Dark Heart Counter cannot attack, and the owner of the Monster loses 1,000 Life Points during each of his/her Standby Phases.

**0**

**MAD HATTER (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **4

**ATK: **1,800

**DEF: **1,200

**Card Description: **During each of your Standby Phases, roll one die. Apply the corresponding effect depending on the roll.

*1: This card gains 800 ATK until your next Standby Phase.

*2: This card loses 800 ATK until your next Standby Phase.

*3: If this card attacks a Monster during this turn's Battle Phase, destroy the attack target without applying Damage Calculation.

*4: If this card is attacked during your opponent's next turn's Battle Phase, destroy this card without applying Damage Calculation.

*5: Destroy 1 Spell or Trap Card on your opponent's field.

*6: Destroy 1 Spell or Trap Card on your field.

**0**

**MARCH HARE (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Beast/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **4

**ATK: **1,200

**DEF: **1,800

**Card Description: **Once per turn, during either player's turn, you may activate one of the following effects:

*Negate the result of a coin toss and redo the coin toss.

*Negate the result of a die roll and redo the die roll.

*Negate the result of a player guessing whether a card was a Monster, Spell, or Trap Card, select another card at random (if it is from the deck, shuffle the deck first) and allow the player to guess again.

_Note: The preceding eighteen cards were created by Cyber Commander and used with his permission. Creative credit goes to him._

**0**

**LOBSTER QUADRILLE (Trap Card)**

**Normal Trap**

**Image: **Tenniel's illustration of the Gryphon and the Mock Turtle dancing around Alice, in black and white.

**Card Description: **Select one Monster on your field that is in either Attack Mode or facedown Defense Mode. If it is in Attack Mode, switch it into facedown Defense Mode. If it is in facedown Defense Mode, switch it into Attack Mode (its flip effect will be activated at this time).

**0**

**CAUCUS-RACE (Trap Card)**

**Normal Trap**

**Image: **Tenniel's illustration of the Dodo presenting Alice with a thimble for winning the caucus-race as a bunch of other animals watch, in black and white.

**Card Description: **Activate this card at the beginning of your opponent's Battle Phase. On this turn, all of your opponent's Monsters in Attack Mode must attack if able, and you decide the order in which they attack.

**0**

**MORALS FROM THE DUCHESS (Spell Card)**

**Normal Spell**

**Image: **Tenniel's illustration of Alice, still holding her flamingo from the croquet game, standing next to the Duchess, in black and white.

**Card Description: **Look at the card on top of your opponent's deck and activate the corresponding effect based on whether it is a Spell, Trap, or Monster Card.

*Monster: Both players shuffle their decks and draw one card.

*Spell: Both players shuffle their decks and gain 1,000 Life Points.

*Trap: Both players shuffle their decks and take 1,000 points of direct damage.

**0**

**HUMPTY DUMPTY (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Rock/Effect

**Attribute: **Dark

**Level: **4

**ATK: **2,300

**DEF: **0

**Card Description: **After this card attacks, it is changed to Defense Position at the end of the Battle Phase. This card's battle position cannot be changed until the end of your next turn, except with a card effect.

**0**

**BEHEAD THE BODILESS? (Trap Card)**

**Continuous Trap**

**Image: **Tenniel's illustration of the Cheshire Cat's grinning face overlooking a crowd gathering as the King and Queen of Hearts and their executioner argue about the possibility of beheading it, in black and white.

**Card Description: **Your opponent selects one face-up Monster on his/her field. As long as this card is active, the selected Monster cannot be targeted by the effect of any card (excluding this one). The selected Monster also cannot attack or change its battle position. If the selected Monster is the only Monster on your opponent's field, you can attack him/her directly. If the selected Monster is removed from the field, destroy this card.

**0**

**WORTHLESS WITNESS (Trap Card)**

**Normal Trap**

**Image: **Tenniel's illustration of the White Rabbit in a heart-patterned robe, holding a scroll and blowing on a horn, in black and white.

**Card Description: **Remove one DARK Monster in your Graveyard from play and Special Summon one "Witness Token" (Beast-Type/DARK/Level 2/1,000 ATK/1,000 DEF) to your field.

**0**

**AGGRESSIVE RESHUFFLE (Spell Card)**

**Quick-Play Spell**

**Image: **Tenniel's illustration of Alice, now at her normal size, being assaulted by a wave of playing card soldiers as several animals scramble out from between her feet, in black and white.

**Card Description: **Return any number of "Spade Guard"s, "Club Guard"s, "Diamond Guard"s, and/or "Heart Guard"s in your Graveyard to your deck and shuffle your deck. Draw one card, plus one for each "Spade Guard", "Club Guard", "Diamond Guard", and/or "Heart Guard" returned to your deck. Any cards drawn via this card's effect still in your hand during this turn's End Phase must be discarded.

**0**

**VORPAL BLADE (Spell Card)**

**Equip Spell**

**Image: **Tenniel's illustration of the "beamish" hero confronting the jabberwock, in black and white.

**Card Description: **This card can only be equipped to "Alice, the Warden of Wonderland". A Monster equipped with this card gains 800 ATK. If a Monster on your field would be destroyed by the effect of a card that designates a target, you can destroy this card instead.

**0**

**RETURN OF THE FORGOTTEN (Trap Card)**

**Continuous Trap**

**Image: **Dark King of the Abyss sneering at Dark Ruler Ha Des.

**Card Description: **Select one of your Monsters that has been removed from play and Special Summon it in face-up Attack Position. When this card is removed from the field, remove the Monster from play. When the Monster is destroyed, destroy this card.

**0**

(WHEW! THAT WAS A _LOT_ OF ORIGINAL CARDS! My fingers will be sore for hours!

Anyway, thanks for reading, leave long reviews, YADDA, YADDA, YADDA…oh, and brownie points to anyone who can tell me the identity of the final great power in Teodahr's deck. I'll give you three hints: 1. Unlike the others, it's not a Dragon. 2. It's Level 8. And 3. It only exists in the anime. Other than that, you'll just have to use what you know about Teodahr to figure it out. GOOD LUCK, AND I'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME!)


	5. Stage Fight

(GLAD TO SEE YOU BACK!

Okay, first thing I have to say is the answer to the quiz I gave my readers last chapter, about the third great power in Teodahr's deck. THE ANSWER WAS LITMUS DOOM SWORDSMAN. Nobody correctly guessed it. WHATEVER. It wasn't meant to be a big secret, anyway. I just wanted to see how astute my readers could be.

BUT ON TO THIS CHAPTER. In it, you may find yourself starting off with the idea "this is a cliché". IF YOU DO, STOP IMMEDIATELY. This chapter, which has been burrowing in my brain since I decided to write a Shadowchasers fic, has more twists and turns than you can imagine. I just ask that you keep an open mind in the beginning. If you do, YOU'LL BE VERY SATISFIED AT THE END.

As for the disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING IN THIS CHAPTER THAT I DIDN'T MAKE UP MYSELF, AND EVEN THAT'S IFFY. Happy? Okay.)

**0**

**0**

**Shadowchasers: Miscellaneous Files**

**Stage Fight**

**0**

**0**

_**Why do I always get the weirdoes? Seriously, even for a Shadowchaser, I end up dealing with a lot of weird crap. And here I am, yet again, in a situation that even my stoner cousin would find surreal. *sigh* Whatever. Here goes nothing.**_

Not all Shadowchasers watch over a single city. Many of them travel around sparsely populated areas and have no true base. But another, far rarer case is when a group of Shadowchasers holds jurisdiction over multiple very close cities, and the best example of this is the Twin Cities Shadowchasers. Not only do they represent the cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul, but also the surrounding suburbs like White Bear and Bloomington.

The headquarters itself was located in an upscale neighborhood in St. Paul near the Mississippi River, in the form of a grand old brick house, and it was in this house on a cool autumn Saturday evening that our short story begins.

It was getting late into the evening, and three of the house's four residents were out to dinner at some Vietnamese restaurant. Sonya was the only one of the four who had stayed behind, for her own reasons, and it was lucky she had because if she hadn't she wouldn't have been there to answer the phone when it rang.

"Hello?" she said, picking up, and immediately she turned on the videophone's monitor, where she was greeted with the image of a very beautiful, but very distressed-looking elf in a blue sequined gown. There was a lot of muffled shouting going on and a lot more panicked elves running around behind her.

"Yes, hello," the elf said, sounding unsure as she stared at Sonya. "Have I reached the Twin Cities Shadowchasers?"

Sonya couldn't blame her for being unsure. She didn't look very professional, seeing as her hair was cut down to bristles and her clothes were old and torn. Still, she gave the elf one of her trademark glares. Her thick eyebrows and small grey eyes were perfect for the job.

"That's right," Sonya told her, but the elf continued to stare.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "It's just…well, you look so…"

"Look," Sonya interjected, her tone now much more harsh. "I may not be about to be named 'best-dressed Shadowchaser', but I guarantee you I'm a qualified officer. Now, either stop staring and state your business or hang up."

The elf fidgeted a bit, clearly embarrassed, but finally spoke up. "My name's Calliope. I'm in a theater troupe. A rather successful one, if I do say so myself, and we recently did a few shows right here in your Ordway. We're about to start our last performance of a year-long tour, and a few of our, uh, _actors_ …well, they ran off."

"What happened before that, exactly?" Sonya inquired. "Was there some sort of argument?"

"No!" Calliope wailed. "No warning at all! They just disappeared, they don't have understudies, and it's too close to the opening curtain to go looking for them ourselves! Please, I need you to find them and bring them back here before the curtain rises in one hour!"

"Well," Sonya replied. "This is a pickle, but I don't really see what jurisdiction I have to do anything about it…"

"One of them stole my new Pocket Disk and deck," the elf said quickly. "Is that enough of a reason?"

Sonya raised her eyebrows and nodded.

"Good. I've already tracked the Duel Disk's serial number online. It's across the river, but not very far—somewhere near the Wabasha Street Caves. There are five actors in all, but I'm sure they're still together. It's in their nature. Also, they're not naturally violent to my knowledge, but even if they _become _violent, they're not very strong. And remember, don't arrest them. Just bring them back to the Ordway before the show starts at 7:30 and we won't press charges. Okay?"

"I'll do my best," Sonya assured.

"Thanks," Calliope said, letting out a huge sigh. "You're a lifesaver."

**0**

A few minutes later, Sonya had grabbed her deck and Duel Disk (which was top-of-the-line in every way, but completely uncustomized), strapped them to her back, and had jumped on her D-Wheel (also state-of-the-art, but uncustomized) and was off. Traffic was a nightmare at this time on a Saturday, even with the new D-Wheel lane. Luckily, both the Ordway Center for the Performing Arts and the Wabasha Street Caves were very nearby—just a straight shot downtown, and Sonya knew the area like the back of her hand.

She was across the river and down Wabasha Street when she saw them—six dark figures by the road, four men and two women, and all roughly the same size and shape, clothed in black spandex bodysuits that covered everything but their eyes, pointed ears, and hands, and each carrying something lumpy and fuzzy, save for the last two, who shared one.

_Six people?_, Sonya thought to herself. _Calliope said there were five…_

Whatever doubt she had was removed when she got close enough to hear the figures talking amongst themselves.

"I don't think I can make it much farther, guys," one of the men complained in a nasally voice.

"Then stop thinking, Rod, and focus on doing!" said another one, this one female with a very haughty tone.

"Hey, lay off him, Lucy!" snapped another voice, coming from one of the two sharing a…thing (Sonya couldn't tell which one). "We've been walking nonstop for miles, and my buddy needs a rest!"

"Too bad!" Lucy snarled. "We need to put as much distance as we can between us and that theater before they come after us!"

"They're not coming after you," Sonya chuckled, causing all of them to turn toward her. "That's why they sent me."

All six of the figures turned to her, and Sonya realized what they had been carrying: puppets!

As everyone with a TV knew, the play that the elves were performing was the Broadway show _Avenue Q_, a musical comedy satirizing the issues of entering adulthood, and most of the characters were Muppet-style puppets, parodying characters from _Sesame Street_. The actors must have stolen the puppets when they ran off to ensure that the show wouldn't go on.

There was a moment of silence, but finally, the woman who hadn't said anything yet spoke up.

"CHEESE IT!"

All six of the elves bolted down the sidewalk at top speed, and Sonya leapt off her D-Wheel (activating the security system as she did) and ran after them. They ran right past an empty parking lot and a small café to a door in an ivy-covered brick building built into the nearby sandstone cliff. There was a big sign right above the door that read "**WABASHA STREET CAVES**".

The first elf to reach the door grabbed the knob and screamed in frustration.

"It's locked!"

All of the elves began shaking in fear, as did their puppets.

"Of course it is," Sonya said, catching up to them. "The next tour isn't for three hours. Of course, if you really want to see it, I can let you in."

Smiling, she reached into her pocket, pulled out a key, unlocked the door, and flung it wide open.

"Go on," Sonya told them, speaking a bit more gently. "Go inside. I just want to talk."

The elves cast her and each other suspicious glances, but finally walked inside, and Sonya followed them, flicking on the lights as she did.

The first room of the Wabasha Street Caves doesn't look at all like a cave. It looked like a big empty ballroom with a stage on one end.

Now that she had some decent lighting, Sonya was finally able to get a good look at the elves, only to discover that they all looked pretty much the same, especially with those black bodysuits. In fact, the only easy way to tell them apart was by the puppets they carried. They were mostly built the same—made of brightly-colored felt with plastic eyes, worn on the right arm, the hand of which operated a hinged mouth, with the puppet's arms operated by metal wands sticking out of their hands and their bodies ending at the waist, but their features were very different. The first puppet was bright orange, with thick black hair, and wearing a blue long-sleeved shirt under a diamond-patterned sweater vest with his right arm sewn to his stomach. The second, operated by one of the women, was a girl with dark brown hair and beige fur all over her face and arms, with big blue eyes and a round green nose, clothed in a purple shirt and green skirt. Like the first, her right arm was stitched to her stomach. The third, held by the guy named Rod, was blue, with a square head topped by flaming orange hair that was made to look neatly combed. He had a green nose, like the girl, and was dressed in a dark suit with an orange tie. The fourth, manned by the woman called Lucy, was pink, with heavily-lidded plastic eyes, red lips, a mole on her right cheek, and lots of curly blonde hair. She was dressed in a blue cocktail dress with a hole cut in the chest, exposing her puppet cleavage, and a pink boa was attached to her wrists and wrapped around her back. She was wearing a gold necklace that formed something in cursive, but Sonya couldn't make it out. And the fifth, the one operated by two men, was built a little differently. He was green, with a round head, a big orange nose, and messy black hair, and dressed in a brown hoodie that said "NEW YORK" on the front. Unlike the others, his hands didn't have wands in them. Instead, each of his two handlers inserted one of their arms into his at the elbows and allowed his hands to open and close, and the one controlling his left hand also operated his mouth. The other elf's left hand was carrying a small duffel bag.

"Weird," Sonya commented under her breath.

The elves just stared, and something seemed odd about their eyes. The expression in them was just…blank.

Sonya sighed, then spoke again. "You like this place? I volunteer here twice a month, giving tours.

"These aren't actually caves, you know. They're mines. Manmade. Carved out for mushroom farming.

"They became much more in the 1920s, when they were turned into a restaurant and nightclub called the Wabasha Street Speakeasy. Local legend is that big-name gangsters like John Dillinger and Ma Barker frequented the place. Cool, huh?"

The elves just stared at her, not responding.

"Okay," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "So you're not interested in history. Well, I might as well cut to the chase. Why did you run out on your troop?"

"Because we fucking hate 'em!" the elf with the orange puppet screamed, catching her by surprise. His voice was very cheerful and innocent, which clashed with the wild fury in his tone. He was a pretty good ventriloquist, too. The voice seemed to come right out of the puppet as its mouth moved.

"Those jerks don't care about us and we don't care about them!" sneered Rod. His voice came out of the puppet, too, and he expertly worked the wands to make it cross its arms.

Sonya stepped back, but then frowned and held her head in annoyance. "Okay," she said. "I'm more than willing to talk this out, but only if you take this seriously and drop those stupid puppets."

"Who're you calling 'stupid'?" demanded the woman with the furry puppet, its hand swinging out. Like the orange puppeteer, her angry tone contradicted her sweet voice. "In fact, who are you, period?"

"Oh, right," Sonya smirked. "I'm Sonya Clarkson, of the Twin Cities Shadowchasers. But I'm sure that was obvious."

That only earned more blank stares, until the puppeteer named Lucy spoke up, via her scantily-clad puppet.

"What's a Shadowchaser?"

Sonya did an anime fall on the spot.

"W-what?" she exclaimed, jumping back onto her feet. "How can a bunch of elves not know about the Shadowchasers?"

"I'm sure the elves do," replied the orange puppeteer, still going along with the act. "But not us."

Sonya gave him a suspicious look. "What do you mean by that?"

"What he means is that we're not elves," explained the furry one. "We're doll golems who just happen to be stuck with these elves for now."

That cleared a few things up for Sonya. She had been mistaken. These weren't a bunch of insane elves who spoke through their instruments. They were the opposite—puppets who moved through their handlers. Calliope really _had _been missing only _five _actors!

**(WE INTERRUPT THIS CHAPTER FOR AN INFORMATIVE—BUT THANKFULLY SHORT—EDUCATIONAL MOMENT)**

Doll golems are small figures brought to life, usually for the purpose of entertaining. Though much smaller and weaker than most types of golems, they are known for being much smarter. In fact, numerous stories are based on the idea of doll golems, most notably Carlo Collodi's famous novel _Pinocchio_.

**(THIS CONCLUDES OUR EDUCATIONAL MOMENT. DON'T WORRY, THERE WON'T BE ANOTHER ONE ANYTIME SOON)**

"Okay," Sonya sighed. "You're runaway doll golems. That figures."

"And what's _that_ supposed to mean?" the blue puppet (who must've been Rod) sneered.

"Nothing!" Sonya said, putting up her hands in defense. "Anyway, you asked about Shadowchasers? Well, we're like police, except we specialize in the crimes of Shadowkind."

"Only Shadowkind?" the furry doll golem asked. "You're a little bit racist."

Sonya couldn't tell for sure, since the doll golems seemed incapable of moving their faces except for opening and closing their mouths, but it sounded like she was making a joke.

"Uh, yeah…" she replied. "Well, would you mind telling me who _you _are?"

"Sure," the furry golem told her, a bit more cheerfully. "I'm Kate Monster, and that's Princeton, Rod, Nicky, and Lucy," she said, pointing to the orange, blue, green, and pink golems, respectively.

"Better known as Lucy the Slut," Lucy smirked, pushing up her puppet breasts.

"Nice to meet you," Sonya told them, ignoring the pink puppet's supposedly sultry gestures. "Now, if you'll just come with me, I think we can make it back to the Ordway just in time for the opening curtain."

At her words, all of the elves took a step back.

"Forget it!" Princeton told her. "My purpose may be acting, but not under those slave drivers!"

"They make us feel special for an hour or two," Lucy added. "But after that, we're little more than props!"

"Fantasies come true," Rod agreed. "But only to those who actually work toward them."

"If we were free I'd shout hooray," Nicky sighed. "But we're not free."

"There's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time," Kate finished. "I love acting, but we're wasting our time trying to get respect out of those elves."

Sonya gave them another strange look. "I'm guessing you're making references to your play?"

"Of course!" Princeton responded. "Didn't you see it?"

Upon hearing this, Sonya's cheeks turned as pink as Lucy.

"Well, uh…no," she confessed. "My, uh, my teammates went to see it last night, but I…"

"Couldn't afford it?" Nicky finished.

"No," Sonya replied. "I just…don't like spending my boss's money."

The doll golems cocked their heads, but didn't say anything.

"Let me explain. You see, Shadowchasers aren't actually paid, per se. Instead, we each receive a debit card linked to one of our boss Jalal's private accounts, since he's richer than several countries. He lets us use it for essentials, and the occasional treat. He even allows major purchases once in a while if we consult him first, but I've never really felt comfortable using it. I just don't like spending money that isn't mine."

"You have access to a fortune and you're _complaining_?" Nicky growled, balling his fists. "I'd give my left eye just to get some compensation for my work!"

"Or at least some respect…" Rod added.

"Those elves created us to make the performance as real as possible," Princeton explained. "But that's all they ever saw in us. We're sentient beings, and they saw us as less than slaves."

"We may not need food or lodging," Kate sighed. "But we could still use the money for _something_—like Duel Monsters cards."

"You play?" Sonya inquired. "I knew you stole Calliope's Pocket Disk and deck, but…"

"We _love_ dueling!" Kate replied. "We watched the elves doing it to pass the time and learned all about it. We see it as a type of acting exercise that we thought was impossible: scripted improv! You have choices, but there are still rules and limits. Plus, it's really fun."

"Sometimes we grabbed the decks while we were in storage and played a quick game or two," Princeton said. "It was one of the few good things in our lives."

"That's why we took a few decks and Calliope's Duel Disk when we left," Lucy explained. "Well, that and some cash and tools…"

"Okay, then," Sonya said with a smile. "How about a duel, right here and now? If I win, you all agree to go back to the Ordway with me and do your final performance."

"And if you lose?" Rod asked.

"Then I look the other way while you escape."

The golems all turned their heads and looked at each other, then turned back to the Shadowchaser and nodded. "Deal!" they said in unison.

"Great," Sonya responded. "Now, which of you will be my opponent?"

"Kate," Princeton answered automatically. "She's the best."

Kate turned to Princeton and laughed. "Me?" she chirped. "All right. Nicky, can you get me Calliope's Pocket Disk? And her deck, too? That one's my favorite."

"You got it, Kate."

Immediately, the elf holding the duffel bag dropped it to the floor, and both of Nicky's handlers kneeled down, allowing him to unzip and rummage through it.

"How are you doing that, anyway?" Sonya couldn't help asking.

"What, control the elves?" Princeton laughed. "Oh, that's easy. You see, shortly after we were created, there was some trouble in rehearsal. Our movements and that of our handlers were sort of…clashing. It didn't look natural. So, the elves remedied it by casting a little spell on us that let us sort of guide the movements of whoever wears us. It wasn't supposed to let us completely control them, but as actors, the elves were very suggestible. Lucy was the first to figure it out, and she taught it to the rest of us. Of course, we had to keep it secret until we worked out a plan—"

"Found it!" Nicky announced, pulling something out of the bag. It wasn't a Duel Disk or deck, though. It was a short, sharp knife.

"Hey!" Sonya objected. "What're you—?"

"Hold still, Kate," Nicky said. He reached out and used his knife to cut the stitches on Kate's right arm.

"Oh, that feels good!" Kate laughed, testing her new arm by swinging her it around. "That's been sewn down since I was made!"

"Can it hold any weight?" Nicky asked as he cut the threads on Princeton's arm, then put the knife away and dug through the bag once again.

"Not much," Kate told him. "But a Pocket Disk is pretty light."

"Yeah," Princeton said as Nicky pulled out a device the size of a cell phone with a strap on one side and a dueling deck. "Good thing those elves travel a lot. All their stuff is really small and portable for convenience. The Disk and deck together can't weigh more than two ounces."

Nicky strapped the device to Kate's right wrist and hit a button on it. It expanded and flattened, turning into a lightweight left-handed Duel Disk. Then he handed her the deck and she inserted it into the Disk.

At the same time, Sonya took the Duel Disk off of her back and inserted her own deck.

"Okay, Sonya," Kate laughed. "Get ready to experience the true terror of the stage!"

"A Kabuki deck, eh?" Sonya chuckled. "I've faced far worse."

"Oh, it's far more dangerous than a Kabuki deck," Lucy laughed. "As you'll soon find out."

_It's about the stage, but not a Kabuki deck?_, Sonya thought as the holo-imagers shot out of their decks. _What could it be?_

**(Sonya: 8,000) - - - - - - - - - - (Kate Monster: 8,000)**

"By all means, Kate," Sonya suggested as they drew their opening hands. "You take the first turn."

"Why thank you," Kate said, drawing a sixth card. Her fingers were very stubby, and she seemed to be having a little trouble, but she managed to put her cards into her right hand.

She examined her cards for a second, then took one and set it horizontally on her Disk.

"I'll just set a Monster in Defense Mode," she said as its hologram appeared in front of her. "And that's all for now."

Sonya drew a card, then stared at her hand and smiled.

"You know another reason that these caves attract tourists?" she smirked. "It's because they're haunted."

"Haunted?" Nicky repeated. "Really?"

"Yep. Supposedly, the bodies from a shootout were buried in some of the back caverns, and the restless spirits of the dead gangsters live on in these caves."

"And what does this have to do with anything?" Lucy asked, crossing her arms.

"I'm telling you this to inform you that things don't always stay dead, as you're about to see."

She took a card from her hand and inserted it into her Disk.

"I activate Dark World Dealings. Now we each draw one card, and then discard one."

Kate sighed, but snatched a card off of her deck and added it to her hand, then chose another and slipped it into her Graveyard. Sonya did the same, but she was much faster.

"And now," she smirked. "Since I just discarded Sillva, Warlord of Dark World, I can activate its effect and Special Summon it to the field!"

A deep, throaty chuckle sounded in the cavern, and a shadow appeared on the floor in front of Sonya. It shot up and materialized into a muscular, ugly demon with big wings and claws, dressed in silver armor and holding a sword. Its horned head was hideous, and even uglier was the fact that it had two faces. Its head would look exactly the same if turned upside-down. (2,300 ATK)

"And now, to bolster my forces, I'll also summon Beiige, Vanguard of Dark World!"

She set another card on her Disk, and another Fiend appeared. It was smaller than Sillva, but just as ugly, with a face like a skull and ropy, wrinkled skin. He was dressed in armor made from bone, and he carried a spear in one hand. (1,600 ATK)

"Next, to add to their power, I activate the Field Spell, Mystic Plasma Zone!"

The Field Spell slot on her Duel Disk opened up, and she placed a card inside. It slid shut, and a thick, dark fog spread out from the Disk. It grew and grew, obscuring the ballroom until all they could see was an ugly swirling vortex of darkness.

"This is _not_ my kind of place," Rod said with a shiver.

"Perhaps not," Sonya told him. "But my Fiends love it, because it grants all Dark Monsters five-hundred Attack Points, all for the measly cost of four-hundred Defense Points."

Beiige and Sillva sneered and hefted their weapons as a dark aura surrounded them. (1,600/1,300) -) (2,100/900) (2,300/1,400) -) (2,800/1,000)

"Now, Beiige, destroy her Monster! Dark World spear!"

Beiige leapt over to the defensive Monster and stabbed it with his spear. It flipped over, revealing an ancient man in dark purple robes and a curved and pointed purple hat. He let out a groan before he shattered into pixels.

Sonya's blinked and did a double-take. "Wait!" she cried. "Was that…the Dark Sage? You can't just put him on the field! And even if you could, Beiige shouldn't have been able to destroy him, even _with _Mystic Plasma Zone!"

Kate let out an amused laugh.

"Oh, that wasn't the actual Dark Sage," she elaborated. "It was a Monster called Method Actor—Wise Elder."

"Method Actor?" Sonya echoed, frowning.

"Yes. He _plays _the Dark Sage. Quite well, I might add. He's not as strong as the real deal, of course, but he's still got a useful ability. When he's destroyed, I get to take a certain card from my deck and add it to my hand."

She reached over to her Pocket Disk and pulled out the deck. It wasn't easy, since she had a wire coming right out of her hand, and it was made even harder because she was unable to open it up and search for the card she wanted. "Oh!" she said cheerfully, and suddenly her handler let go of the wand and took the deck, displaying to her the cards within. She took one and added it to her hand, the elf replaced the deck, and the Disk's auto-shuffler kicked in.

"O-kay…" Sonya said, staring at the strange display. "Anyway, now I'll just attack directly with Sillva…"

Sillva ran forward and slashed the puppet with his sword, knocking her and the elf holding her backward. They would have fallen on the elf's back if Nicky and Princeton hadn't caught and righted them.

**(S: 8,000) - - - - - - - - - - (KM: 5,200)**

"You okay?" Sonya asked, staring at the furry doll golem.

"I'll be fine," Kate assured her. "I've never dueled with a Disk before. It's more intense than I thought."

"It takes some getting used to, all right," Sonya agreed. "Anyway, I activate the Continuous Spell Card, Dangerous Machine Type-6."

She inserted a card into one of her Disk's Spell Zones, and, with a loud rumble, a giant, spherical machine appeared behind her. It looked like a giant generator of some sort, with six white spheres arranged around a screen in a hexagonal formation, labeled with the numbers one through six, and a giant slot machine lever on one side.

"During each of my Standby Phases, my Machine will activate one of six effects at random," she explained. "For now, though, I end my turn."

"Finally," Lucy muttered, earning her a glare from the Shadowchaser.

"Be nice, Lucy," Kate said as she drew her card. "She's about to have enough trouble without your snide comments. I'm about to take us to a place where people like me can shine."

The Field slot opened on Kate's Pocket Disk, and she inserted a card. Instantly, Sonya's Field Spell was ejected from her Disk and she placed it in her Graveyard. The dark vortex disappeared, and light returned to the room, just before they were surrounded by another hologram. Stadium seating erupted in a semicircle in front of Kate, filled by human-shaped silhouettes, except for a few rows right in front of Sonya where her Monsters stood, and a domed amphitheater erupted behind the puppet. It was a stage, the red curtains drawn and decorated with the image of the Shakespearean masks of comedy and tragedy.

"Welcome, Sonya, to the Grand Performance Stage!"

The dark auras around Beiige and Sillva vanished, and their scores returned to normal. (2,100/900) -) (1,600/1,300) (2,800/1,000) -) (2,300/1,400)

"What is this place?" Sonya demanded. "I've never seen this Field Spell before in my life!"

"It's pretty new," Kate said with a shrug. "Only released this year, I think. As for what it does, it simply grants all Method Actors an extra three-hundred points for both attacking and defending.

"And now that the stage is quite literally set, it's time to start the show! I summon Method Actor—Brave Hero, in Attack Mode!"

She placed a card on her Disk, and the curtains flew open, revealing a brightly-lit stage with a backdrop depicting the front of a castle, with real doors and windows. The doors opened and a handsome warrior appeared, dressed in highly polished silver armor and a blue cape, with a silver band in his flowing blonde hair, and carrying a long sword. Sonya's first thought was that it was the well-known Monster Freed the Brave Wanderer, but then she saw that his sword was blunted, and his face was less rugged and more conventionally handsome than Freed's. The audience burst into applause and he smiled at them and struck a heroic pose. (1,600/1,300) -) (1,900/1,600)

"Okay," Sonya shrugged. "So you brought out a beatstick. Your Warrior still doesn't come close to beating my Sillva."

"Actually, he's a Spellcaster," Kate corrected. "And Sillva's not the one he's attacking. Go, Brave Hero! Destroy Beiige with blade of the brave!"

The Method Actor crouched down and hefted his sword, then pounced like a cat into the audience and bashed his sword into the Vanguard's side. It didn't even pierce Beiige's armor, but he fell backwards onto the seats and Brave Hero stomped on his chest, destroying him.

The other doll golems, who were huddled on one side of the theater, threw up their arms and cheered.

**(S: 7,700) - - - - - - - - - - (KM: 5,200)**

"Our show's off to a good start," Kate chirped. "And to keep it going, I'll end my turn with a couple of facedown cards."

Two facedown cards appeared on the field, but not in front of their user like usual. They were perpendicular to the ground instead of parallel, and far above Kate's head, on either side of the top of the theater's roof.

"Way to go, Kate!" Princeton laughed. "Keep her guessing!"

Sonya just sighed and drew her card.

"Okay, Kate, it's my Standby Phase," she reminded her opponent. "You remember what that means: my Dangerous Machine Type-6 activates."

The lever on the machine pulled forward and the six numbered spheres spun around. After a second they stopped, and the number 2 appeared on the screen.

"A two," Sonya smirked. "That means you have to discard a card from your hand."

Kate didn't say anything, but chose a card from her hand and placed it into her Graveyard.

"Next," Sonya continued. "I summon Brron, Mad King of Dark World!"

An insane cackle was heard, and a new, even uglier Fiend appeared in the stands in front of Sonya. He was tall and gangly, with grey skin stretched tightly across his body, a mouth full of sharp, two-inch teeth, and tangled, ropy hair. His arms were crossed and bound with chains, and the only sign of royalty on his person was his long cape, which was made of blue fur.

"Not much of a looker…" Rod murmured.

"And now, it's time for a convincing death scene!" the Shadowchaser continued. "Sillva, attack the Brave Hero with dark quicksilver!"

The Warlord smiled and leapt at the stage, his sword drawn, when Kate interrupted him.

"Oh, no you don't! I activate my Trap Card, Stage Fighting!"

One of Kate's facedown cards flipped around, revealing a Continuous Trap Card with the image of Method Actor—Brave Hero with his sword out in front of him, about to fight a Monster that Sonya found very familiar.

The battle continued, but in slow motion. Just as Sillva closed in on Brave Hero, the Method Actor tilted to the side, and the blade passed clean by, less than an inch from his neck. Nonetheless, the Method Actor collapsed to the ground, but got right back up again as Sillva returned to the stands.

**(S: 7,700) - - - - - - - - - - (KM: 4,400)**

"What just happened?" Sonya couldn't help asking.

"Simple," Kate replied. "My Stage Fighting card renders all Method Actors in Attack Mode indestructible in battle, so long as the Grand Performance Stage stands. The only catch is, I lose twice the normal amount of Life Points. It's a small price to pay, though, to be a part of such a wonderful production."

"Um, okay…well, since Brron isn't strong enough to beat Brave Hero, I guess I'll just end my turn."

"And I'll begin mine."

Kate drew a card and chose another from her hand. "My Brave Hero looks lonely," she observed. "It's time for another to step into the limelight. I summon Method Actor—Love Interest!"

She played the card and a window opened on the castle backdrop. An attractive female Monster jumped out, wearing a pointed teal-colored hat and matching low-cut skirt and holding a staff inlaid with green orbs. She was clearly meant to be Magician's Valkyria, but she looked older, her long, brown hair was curly, not straight, and her staff's orbs were flashing with LED lights.

Suddenly, a wire with a hook dropped down from the theater's ceiling and, in the guise of striking a seductive pose, she hooked it onto her back and was hoisted a couple of feet off of the stage's floor. (1,500/1,700) -) (1,800/2,000)

"And just so you know, while she's on the stage, my Method Actors can't be destroyed by Trap Cards."

"Whatever. You're still no closer to taking out Sillva," Sonya reminded.

"Just give me a moment," Kate said with a laugh. "In the meantime, Brave Hero! Destroy Brron!"

Brave Hero raised his sword, but before he could do anything else, Kate stopped him.

"And since a Spellcaster just declared an attack," she explained. "I can now activate my other Trap Card, Magician's Circle!"

Kate's facedown card flipped over, revealing the aforementioned Trap Card.

"Now both of us must Special Summon a Spellcaster with two-thousand or less Attack Points from our decks! Do you have one?"

"As a matter of fact, I do," Sonya shot back. "I bring forth my Witch of the Black Forest!"

She took a card from her deck and placed it on her Duel Disk, and a woman with purple hair and a vertical third eye in her forehead appeared in front of her. (1,100 ATK)

"Hardly a threat," Kate laughed as her handler took her deck and showed it to her. "Especially with what I'm about to bring out. You may find him quite familiar, Sonya."

She selected a card from the deck and her handler returned her deck to the Disk as she played the card.

"I summon Method Actor—Despicable Villain!"

The curtains suddenly closed, and when they reopened, the backdrop had changed to a barren wasteland with a few dead trees. A trapdoor flew open in the stage's floor, and a fiendish new Monster flew out. He was tall and powerfully built, wearing a skull-like mask with downward-curving ram's horns. There were four colored gems embedded in his chest, and he had big, ugly wings sprouting from his back. He carried a long pole with two blunted blades on the end—a sasumata. The blades had flashing lights like the ones on Love Interest's staff. (2,000/1,700) -) (2,300/2,000)

Sonya gasped. She recognized this Monster all right. His face may have been a mask, his body may have been bulked up by foam padding, and his sasumata may not have been real, but there was no doubt at all that he was masquerading as her favorite Monster: Reign-Beaux, Overlord of Dark World.

"Upset to see one of your Monsters labeled as the villain?" Kate jeered.

"Not really," Sonya said, rolling her eyes. "The Dark World Fiends are evil. Everyone knows it. Frankly, it's kind of flattering that they chose Reign-Beaux out of all the Monsters in the game. The only problem I have is that his costume looks so fake."

Kate sneered and crossed her arms. "Well," she said. "His costume may not look very real, but his ability sure is! As long as he's standing on the Grand Performance Stage, he lowers the Attack Points of all of your Monsters by three-hundred!"

Despicable Villain leered at the audience and stunned them into silence. For the first time ever, Sonya saw her Fiends shiver. (2,300 ATK) -) (2,000 ATK) (1,800 ATK) -) (1,500 ATK) (1,100 ATK) -) (800 ATK)

"Oh, that's not good," Sonya mumbled.

"Now, to destroy them all! Brave Hero, destroy Brron with blade of the brave! Love Interest, strike down Witch of the Black Forest with magic illusion! And Despicable Villain, eliminate Sillva with dark spectrum!"

The three Method Actors nodded and launched their attacks. Brave Hero leapt at Brron and knocked him down with his sword, and Love Interest and Despicable Villain raised their weapons and fired beams of light that washed over Witch of the Black Forest and Sillva, doing absolutely nothing. Then, as soon as Brave Hero had leapt back onto the stage, a series of explosions went off in the stands around Sonya's Monsters, obscuring them in green smoke, and when it faded they were gone.

**(S: 6,000) - - - - - - - - - - (KM: 4,400)**

"How does it feel to be helpless?" Kate asked as the crowd cheered. For the first time, she sounded really happy. "My Method Actors make the perfect team, each of them finding all sorts of ways to protect each other, to help each other!"

"And who are you hoping will help _you_, Kate?" Sonya spoke up.

Kate and the other doll golems stared at her.

"What do you mean by that?" Nicky asked.

"Are you saying she's crazy?" Rod accused.

Sonya raised an eyebrow. "Of course not. But you just ran out on the elves that gave you a home—"

"They did not!" Kate shrieked. "A home is a place where you feel safe and loved! We felt neither!"

"They were gonna turn us back into regular puppets after our final show!" Nicky screamed. "We overheard them saying so!"

"Okay, okay," Sonya said quickly, putting up her hands. "Let me rephrase. You just ran out on the elves that gave you _shelter_, and now you have nothing but a little cash, a Pocket Disk, a couple of decks, and each other. You've left your jobs, you don't really know anybody in this entire world other than those elves, and you need to be on somebody's arm just to move from place to place. What are you going to do? What are your plans, your goals? How long do you expect to survive without help?"

"We _have_ a plan!" Kate argued, but then her voice softened. "Well, an idea, at least. We're going to get help from another group of doll golems. They'll sympathize with us. I know they will."

"And where, exactly, do you expect to find another group of doll golems?" Sonya said with a frown.

"Oh, I'm sure you've heard of them," the furry doll golem replied. "They're really very famous. They're called the Muppets."

Sonya's jaw dropped. She couldn't believe it. "A-are you serious? The Muppets are doll golems?"

"Of course they are. How else could they have such huge personalities? Jim Henson and his Creature Shop were and still are the greatest makers of doll golems of all time!"

"It's not just the Muppets, either," Princeton added. "The main characters from _Labyrinth_, _The Dark Crystal_, and _Fraggle Rock_ were doll golems, too. The Muppets can introduce us to the guys in the Creature Shop, and we can make it big!"

Sonya eyed the doll golems one by one. Their faces were incapable of much expression, but she could tell they weren't as confident as they sounded. They were doing all they could to keep hope alive.

"Okay," she finally said. "Suppose the Muppets really _are _doll golems—"

"They are!" the puppets answered in unison.

"—and suppose they really _do_ introduce you to the Creature Shop and get you jobs. Do you really think you'll ever be as big or as timeless as the Muppets? Even if you _do _start acting in your own show or movie, what happens when that ends? Did it ever occur to you what happened to the doll golems from their other projects? I'll bet you anything that they're not alive anymore."

"Actually," Lucy spoke up. "There's a rumor that the doll golems from _The Dark Crystal _are in a deep sleep, waiting for their sequel."

"Whatever," Sonya sighed, rolling her eyes. "The point is that you're pinning your hopes on something that's pretty unlikely to make your dreams come true. I can help, but only if you're willing to meet me halfway."

"How so?" Princeton inquired.

"Go back and do your final performance."

"FORGET IT!" Kate shrieked. "I'm not going back! Not now, not ever! Now take your turn!"

Sonya sighed. "Gladly. But first I activate the effect of my Witch of the Black Forest. Since you destroyed her, I get to add a Monster with a low Defense Score to my hand."

She took out her deck and retrieved Goldd, Wu-Lord of Dark World, then replaced the deck and let the auto-shuffler do its work, after which she drew her obligatory card.

"And let's see what Dangerous Machine Type-6 has in store for us this time."

Once again, the device pulled its own lever and the spheres spun around. This time it stopped on the 1.

"Yes!" Sonya cheered. Then she caught herself and went back into competition mode. "I mean, uh, yes. A one means that I discard a card from my hand."

She slipped a card into her Graveyard slot.

"And the card I discarded was Goldd, Wu-Lord of Dark World, and his effect is almost identical to Sillva's!"

Another chortle echoed through the room, and another dark shadow appeared in the empty seats in front of Sonya. The shadow rose up and took form, congealing into a Monster very similar in appearance to Sillva, except that its armor was gold and it carried a battle axe instead of a sword. Its head was even more disturbing than Sillva's, too: it had _three_ horns and _three_ faces, with perfect turn symmetry. Despite its hideous appearance, it let out a shiver when it saw Method Actor—Despicable Villain. (2,300 ATK) -) (2,000 ATK)

"Kudos on bringing out a high-level Monster on short notice," Kate congratulated. "But it's a pity it's not strong enough to oppose my Despicable Villain."

"It will be," Sonya assured. "Because I'm increasing his power with the Black Pendant!"

She slipped another card into one of her Spell Zones and a sinister black amulet materialized around Goldd's neck. (2,000 ATK) -) (2,500 ATK)

"Of course, with your Stage Fighting in play, Goldd can't hope to beat your Villain no matter how strong he becomes. Instead, to maximize damage, I'll attack your Love Interest."

"Wrong again!" Kate laughed. "My Brave Hero has an ability, too. When he stands on the Grand Performance Stage, he lures all attacks toward himself!"

Sonya rolled her eyes. "Fine. Goldd, attack Brave Hero! Dark gold rush!"

The Dark World Fiend hefted his axe and leapt at the Freed lookalike, but once again the Method Actor narrowly dodged the attack and pretended to collapse, the got back to his feet.

**(S: 6,000) - - - - - - - - - - (KM: 3,200)**

"I'll set a facedown and end my turn," the Shadowchaser announced as a facedown card appeared behind Goldd.

"That was nothing!" Princeton laughed. "Come on, Kate, destroy her!"

"Sounds good to me," Kate replied. "I now have just enough to win this. I summon Method Actor—Comedy Relief!"

She set another card onto her Disk and a new Monster was welcomed onto the stage, this one lowered down by a wire similar to Love Interest's. It was a tall, skinny man covered in yellow body paint, wearing nothing but a plastic mask with eyestalks and big red lips and a pair of pink briefs. He laughed a high-pitched laugh and slapped his rear as the audience went into hysterics. (1,000/800) -) (1,300/1,100)

"A Method Actor playing Ojama Yellow," Sonya said, her mouth agape. "Of course."

"He may not look like much," Kate agreed. "But he has a very impressive power—one that grants three-hundred Attack Points to each and every Method Actor on the field!"

The crowd's applause grew louder and louder as the four Method Actors swelled with pride. (1,900 ATK) -) (2,200 ATK) (1,800 ATK) -) (2,100 ATK) (2,300 ATK) -) (2,600 ATK) (1,300 ATK) -) (1,600 ATK)

"That's…eighty-five-hundred combined Attack Points!" Rod pointed out.

"If all of these attacks go through, Kate wins!" Nicky added.

"It's time to finish this and make our escape!" Kate cried. "Method Actor—Despicable Villain, destroy Goldd with dark spectrum!"

Method Actor—Despicable Villain held up its sasumata and fired a rainbow-colored beam at Goldd.

"Forget it, Kate!" Sonya cried. "I activate my Trap Card, Magical Arm Shield, to steal your Comedy Relief and make him the new target of your attack!"

Sonya's facedown card lifted up and a clamp shot out and grabbed Method Actor—Comedy Relief, snatching him into the stands, his wires inexplicably extending as he moved.

"Not a chance!" Kate countered. "I active the Quick-Play Spell, Intermission!"

Kate slammed one of her cards into her Pocket Disk and the Grand Performance Stage's curtains closed again. The people applauded as the redirected attack fizzled out of sight as Sonya stared at the field, her eyes wide.

"In case you didn't realize, this card automatically ends the current turn's Battle Phase if Grand Performance Stage is active, stopping my attack and saving me from self-destruction. And on top of that, I gain three-hundred Life Points for each Method Actor on the field."

**(S: 6,000) - - - - - - - - - - (KM: 4,400)**

"It was a nice try, Sonya," Kate admitted as Comedy Relief was returned to the stage. "But I'm not falling for such obvious tricks. Anyway, I end my turn."

"And I'll begin mine," Sonya said with a scowl as she took a card off the top of her deck. "Now, let's see what my Dangerous Machine does now."

The machine pulled its lever again, and this time it stopped on 3.

"Excellent. That means I get to draw again. I'm having great luck with this thing tonight."

She drew another card and smiled.

"Finally!" she cried. "A way out!"

The doll golems all turned to her and cocked their heads.

"What do you mean by that?" Lucy asked.

"I mean that I'm about to break Kate's combo!" Sonya laughed. "And it all starts with me summoning Dark Resonator!"

She slapped the card onto her Disk, and a giggling black Fiend holding a tuning fork appeared, cringing a little at the sight of Despicable Villain. (1,300 ATK) -) (1,000 ATK)

"That's a Tuner!" Kate exclaimed.

"That's right," Sonya confirmed. "And I intend to use it. I'm Tuning my Level 3 Dark Resonator with my Level 5 Goldd, Wu-Lord of Dark World…"

Dark Resonator struck his tuning fork, then dissolved into three glowing stars which flew into the air. Hearing the sound, Goldd faded into five stars of his own, and the eight stars flew together and spun around in a circle, forming a glowing ring.

"_Heir to a legacy of a lord of Shadows! Prince and founder with a great destiny! Come lead your troops into battle once again!"_

**(*3 + *5 = *8)**

"_Synchro Summon…Dragonprince Jalal!"_

The glowing ring disappeared, from it emerged a knight with sharp facial features and long blonde hair, dressed in scarlet armor covered in scales. Unlike Sonya's previous Monsters, he didn't even flinch when he met Despicable Villain's gaze, though his Attack Power still dropped. (2,500 ATK) -) (2,200 ATK)

"Guys, I'd like you to meet my boss: Jalal Stormbringer, founder of the Shadowchasers."

"Your boss is a card?" Princeton couldn't help asking.

"Yes and no," Sonya replied with a shrug. "This is one of his avatars, his way of assisting Shadowchasers in need, but the real Jalal is thousands of miles away. Still, he's here in spirit, and that's all I need."

When she said this, Jalal flashed a smile her way.

"What you _need_ is a stronger Monster!" Rod objected. "This one has nothing on Kate's deadly Method Actor combo!"

"Oh, really?" Sonya laughed. "Because I think her combo is about to break."

"What do you mean by that?" Kate demanded, flinging her arm to emphasize her tone.

"I _mean_ that Dragonprince Jalal's effect is about to turn things around. In a second, though. First, since Black Pendant was destroyed, you lose a chunk of your Life Points."

Kate and her puppeteer cringed as a dark aura surrounded them.

**(S: 6,000) - - - - - - - - - - (KM: 3,900)**

"And now, for Jalal's effect. You see, for every Monster I used in his Synchro Summon, he gains a little thing called a Fortune Counter. I used two, so that's how many he gets."

As she said this, two glowing orbs started circling Jalal's sword.

"And I can activate different effects based on how many of them I expend. However, I'm only going to give up one, which allows Jalal to set any card on your field facedown."

"Oh, really?" Kate shot back. "And how much do you really think that that will help you? Remember, you can only do it twice, after all. What will you do, set Despicable Villain? Brave Hero will still intercept your attacks. Stage Fighting? Even if you succeed in an attack, I can stand to lose one Monster."

"You think too small, Kate," the Shadowchaser smirked, shaking her head. "I only need to use this effect once this turn, and I don't need to use it on either of those cards. You see, the card I'm aiming for…is your Grand Performance Stage!"

Jalal smiled and leapt up, swinging his sword through the air. One of the orbs flew over atop the amphitheater and began to expand, enveloping the room in a ball of white light.

"I've never seen a Field Spell facedown before," Sonya chuckled. "I wonder what will happen?"

The glow faded, and the amphitheater was gone. The Method Actors dropped to the ballroom floor (which was now a giant facedown card), Brave Hero and Despicable Villain landing on their feet, Love Interest landing on her hands and knees, and Comedy Relief falling flat on his face. (2,200/1,600) -) (1,900/1,300) (2,100/2,000) -) (1,800/1,700) (2,600/2,000) -) (2,300/1,700) (1,600/1,100) -) (1,300/800)

"Wait," Sonya spoke up. "I thought your Monsters all depended on Grand Performance Stage for their effects. Shouldn't they have lost more points?"

Kate shook her head. "Comedy Relief is the exception there," she explained. "After all, a comedian doesn't need to be on stage to be funny."

Method Actor—Comedy Relief punctuated this point by adjusting his eyestalks to point directly at Love Interest's breasts.

"Whatever," Sonya sighed. "On the bright side, Despicable Villain's effect is gone…"

Jalal's Attack Points returned to 2,500.

"And Stage Fighting is destroyed."

Kate's Trap Card shattered into pixels.

"And now, it's time to take back this duel! Dragonprince Jalal, destroy that ugly parody of Reign-Beaux with runic blade slash!"

Jalal nodded and charged forward, his sword far out to one side. Despicable Villain tried to defend with his sasumata, but the Synchro was too fast. The Method Actor was sliced in half and burst into triangles seconds later.

**(S: 6,000) - - - - - - - - - - (KM: 3,700)**

"That's all I can do for now," Sonya confessed. "But rest assured, now that Despicable Villain and Stage Fighting are gone, the rest of your cards will follow. Unless, of course, you're ready to go back and do your show? After all, you still have half an hour to get back."

"NEVER!" Kate shrieked, causing Sonya to wince. "I'M NEVER GOING BACK THERE, YOU HEAR ME? NEVER!"

"Why do you care so much about the success of those demented elves' show, anyway?" Lucy asked.

Sonya shook her head. "It's not about those elves," she explained. "Though 'demented' still seems like a strong word. To me, they just seem to have a little too much talent at making doll golems and not enough foresight or common sense. No, this is a duty to the audience. They bought tickets and planned a night at the theater, and you're taking that away from them. If you'd just meet me halfway, I could help you and those elves reach an agreement once these people get their money's worth. Why do you refuse to compromise?"

"BECAUSE THOSE ELVES _ARE_ EVIL!" Kate screamed, whipping herself around violently on her handler's arm. "I WOULD KNOW! THEY'RE TEARING MY HEART OUT, AND THEY DON'T EVEN CARE! THEY NEVER CARED ABOUT US! TREKKIE MADE THAT VERY CLEAR!"

A moment of silence passed through the ballroom.

"'Trekkie'?" the Shadowchaser finally asked.

"Sonya," Princeton said gently, as they waited for Kate to regain her composure. "I know you didn't see the show, but surely you must know that there were more than five puppets in it."

"To be specific," Rod continued. "There were eleven."

"Kate's boss Mrs. Thistletwat, Rod's boyfriend Ricky, and an unnamed English major were kept as regular puppets because of their small parts," Nicky elaborated. "The troupe agreed that it would be a waste of time, energy, and magic to bring them to life when simple puppeteers would do the job."

"And the Bad Idea Bears were puppets that only moved their mouths," Lucy added. "So bringing them to life wouldn't improve movements at all."

"Not to mention that our personalities are based on the characters we play," Princeton continued. "And even those elves weren't stupid enough to create a couple of evil tempters who encourage reckless spending, drinking, and suicide."

"Plus they were Scientologists," Lucy snickered. "And who needs more wackos spreading _that_?"

"Anyway," Princeton said, snapping his head toward Lucy. He was incapable of altering his expression much, but it seemed like a warning. "Though none of _them _were brought to life, one other was: Trekkie Monster."

Sonya rolled her eyes. "And again I say, 'Trekkie'?"

"He was the last major puppet character in the show," Princeton elaborated. "Can you guess what his character was like?"

"I would assume a sci-fi nerd?" the Shadowchaser said with a shrug.

The doll golems uttered a short, pained laugh at this.

"You'd think that, given his name," Princeton sighed. "But no. In fact, aside from Trekkie's name, there's no reference to Star Trek in the play at all. No, he was a connoisseur of internet porn and a chronic masturbator."

Sonya's eye twitched as she struggled to suppress a laugh. "You—you don't say?" she said, trying to remain serious.

"Yep. And, like I said, the elves based our personalities on those of the characters we play. For example, I'm both nervous and excited about journeying into the world for the first time."

"I'm well-meaning, but tend to act inappropriately at times," Nicky chuckled, slapping Rod on the back and nearly knocking over his friend's handler.

"I'm a homosexual republican," Rod said, crossing his arms as his holder got back up.

"Kate's sweet and loves passing on her knowledge," Lucy chortled, staring at her dueling friend. "And, as you can tell, has a long fuse attached to dynamite."

"And Lucy has an easier time demeaning others than finding fault in herself!" Princeton snapped, before calming down. "But Trekkie, with his personality and…habits…had a severe problem. You see, he was built like us."

Sonya had to think this over for a second, but then it dawned on her.

"Oh! His body cut off at the waist! So he couldn't…"

"Yep. And he was miserable for it. It was funny at first, but then it became heartbreaking. He found it more and more difficult to get through the day. We tried to help him get through it, but he was deprived of a central part of who he was. I've long since lost count of how many times he complained to those elves about his situation, and how many times we backed up his arguments, but every time, those elves just thought it was one big joke and laughed in his face.

"Finally, about five months ago, Trekkie couldn't take it anymore. While in the dressing room after a show in Malibu, he grabbed a lighter—one of his handlers was a smoker—threw himself into a trash can, and—"

"HE BURNED HIMSELF ALIVE!" Kate shrieked. If she'd been capable of crying, she'd be flooding the ballroom. "All they found was a clump of charred fur and a couple of melted plastic eyes! And those goddamn elves didn't even care! They just passed him off as 'defective' and ordered a new one! They didn't bring it to life, thank God, but still, we're forced to perform with a sick replica of our dead friend! Every time I have to sing 'The Internet is for Porn', I die a little inside!"

Sonya had nothing to say to this, which was good because Kate just heaved a big sigh and continued.

"I just…can't do it anymore. It's too painful. I've lost one of the only five people in the world who care about me, and I had to continue on for months with a smile on my face, waiting for the day that the life was drained out of me. If it weren't for Princeton, Rod, Nicky, and Lucy, I never would've even bothered escaping."

It was a long time before Sonya said anything, but finally she got one word out.

"Six."

Kate raised her head and stared. "What?"

"There are six people in the world who care about you. Well, five now. I'm here, and I care. I'll help you, if you just let me. Do one last show, and I can ensure you get the rights and treatment you deserve."

Kate paused, then shook her head. "I'm sorry, Sonya," she apologized. "I just can't. I have to find another way. It's time for act two of this duel and my life!"

Kate snatched a card off of her deck, and immediately opened her Pocket Disk's Field Slot.

"I'll start by reactivating my Grand Performance Stage!" she declared.

She flipped the card back face-up, and the ballroom was once again transformed into an outdoor amphitheater with a semicircle of stadium seats full of shadowy viewers. The curtains opened and revealed the castle backdrop again, but this time the sky was dark and strobe lights were going off. Still, the Method Actors showed no fear, leaping onto the stage and soaking up the crowd's approval. (1,900/1,300) -) (2,200/1,600) (1,800/1,700) -) (2,100/2,000) (1,300/800) -) (1,600/1,100)

"Sorry, Kate," Sonya said, shaking her head. "But a small increase in points won't protect them from Jalal."

"Of course it won't," Kate replied. Her semi-whimsical attitude was almost completely gone now, replaced by rage, sorrow, frustration, and impatience. "I'm just getting the final preparations in place. No, I'm afraid my current cast will all be suffering an early death scene, because they're making way for a new, greater power."

The doors on the stage's castle burst open.

"I sacrifice Method Actor—Brave Hero…"

The Freed impersonator hung his head and retreated from the stage through the open door, dropping his sword on the way.

"Method Actor—Love Interest…"

The Magician's Valkyria look-alike sulked and let go of her staff, then followed the Brave Hero.

"And Method Actor—Comedy Relief…"

The Ojama Yellow actor's face couldn't be seen under his mask, but he slouched down, not bothering to do anything even remotely funny as he exited the stage.

"To bring forth the greatest power this deck has to offer! Ready the Grand Performance Stage for the final scene!"

Once again, the curtains closed, this time for a few seconds longer than usual, and finally reopened to expose a backdrop nearly identical to the last one, except that, in addition to the dark clouds and strobe lights, there were red, dripping pentagrams drawn all over. On top of that, there was a small platform just under the ceiling, and the three tributed Method Actors were on it. They were no longer in costume, now dressed in black outfits exactly like those of the doll golems' handlers, but Sonya recognized their builds. All three of them were holding sturdy wires attached to a gigantic curled-up mass in the center of the stage, one that was almost as tall as the theater itself. The beast shifted slightly as the former Method Actors operated the controls.

Comedy Relief shifted a wire. A piece of the mass flew open and to one side. It was a gigantic batlike wing made of strong leather.

"Prepare for utter annihilation!"

Love Interest moved a wire of her own. The other wing shifted over, exposing a scaly, muscular body, green in color, with a tangled lump between its shoulders. Unlike the previous Method Actors, this one was clearly not alive. It was made of papier-mâché.

"Prepare for nightmarish power!"

All three of the former Method Actors lifted their remaining wires. The tangled lump flew up, and there was no longer any doubt about which Monster this giant creature represented. Its five dragon heads on snaky necks were a dead giveaway. One of them was black as night, made of papier-mâché, like the body. One was a dull yellow, with a mane of spikes around its head and sparks going down the neck, courtesy of a metal coil. One was made of blue rubber, with fins where its ears should be. One was made of metal, but with far too little material to actually look realistic. And the last one was covered in red, orange, and yellow streamers, supposedly making it look as if it were on fire. The Method Actors whipped the puppet's heads around, and a terrible roar echoed through the theater.

"Prepare for…Method Actor—Terrible Monstrosity!"

(3,500/3,500) -) (3,800/3,800)

Looks of terror crossed the faces of both Sonya and Jalal.

"No…way…" Sonya gaped. "Industrial Illusions actually made a replica of the F.G.D.?"

"Yep," Kate said. She probably meant to smirk, but couldn't. "It may not be as powerful as the real deal, but it's got some tricks of its own. Specifically, since I Special Summoned him onto the Grand Performance Stage, it destroys everything on the field but the stage and itself!"

The giant puppet's five heads reared up. Their mouths opened wide, exposing five cannons inside. Each head launched a different form of energy: the black head shot a beam of darkness, the yellow head a bolt of lightning, the blue head a cone of frost, the metallic head a stream of acid, and the "flaming" head a blast of fire. Jalal gulped (he actually _gulped!_) as an explosion hit the stands, eradicating him and the Dangerous Machine Type-6. Sonya and the viewing doll golems were barely able to stay upright through the assault before it ended, and the spectators (both the holograms and Kate's friends) began applauding.

"Nice move, Kate!" Nicky cheered. "Way to bring out the big guns!"

"Thanks," Kate said drily, before turning to her opponent. "Of course," she sighed. "Terrible Monstrosity can't attack when it uses its ability, but that doesn't mean others can't."

"O-others?" Sonya whimpered, before shaking her head and sending Kate one of her signature glares. "Bring it on!"

"Oh, I will," Kate promised. "By summoning Method Actor—Loyal Sidekick!"

A window on the castle opened, and a new Monster flew out—an attractive woman in tight-fitting black spandex with long blonde hair and a curved blade in one hand. She was clearly meant to be D.D. Warrior Lady, but, like Brave Hero, she was more conventionally attractive and less rugged than the real deal, and her sword was blunted. (1,300/1,400) -) (1,600/1,700)

"She can attack you just fine! Loyal Sidekick, attack directly with different dimension stab!"

The actress smiled and knelt down, a trapdoor flipping open by her feet. She shoved her arm into it, sword and all, and, a second later, a trapdoor opened up in the stands right in front of Sonya and an identical hand and sword popped out, taking a swipe at the Shadowchaser's leg and knocking her back before retreating back in.

**(S: 4,400) - - - - - - - - - - (KM: 3,700)**

"Okay," Sonya said, as she and Loyal Sidekick got to their feet. "Nice shot, but I have to ask: Why is D.D. Warrior Lady Freed the Brave Wanderer's sidekick? And why is he paired with Magician's Valkyria? None of the Monsters these Method Actors play even go in the same deck, except for Freed and Ojama Yellow, and only in an Ojama deck. What's the deal?"

"It's entertainment," Kate replied, not giving it any thought at all. "Don't question it. Just enjoy. Now make your move."

Sonya closed her eyes and shook her head. Kate was slipping deeper into her depression. It wasn't surprising—she'd been betrayed by the closest things she had to parents, and she wasn't eager to trust anyone but those who suffered like her. But if she was going to get anywhere in the world, she'd need help, and fast.

The Shadowchaser put that thought aside and examined her hand. She had Kahkki, Guerilla of Dark World and Renge, Gatekeeper of Dark World—neither could even defeat Loyal Sidekick, let alone Terrible Monstrosity. She was about to draw another card when she was interrupted by a loud beeping.

"What's that noise?" Lucy demanded, looking around.

"Sorry," Sonya apologized. "That's my cell."

She reached into her pocket, pulled out a standard-model black cell phone, flipped it open, and held it to her ear.

"Look," she said. "Whoever this is, I'm a little busy. Can I call you back?"

"_It's somewhat urgent,"_ replied a familiar voice tinged with a British accent.

Sonya jumped and nearly dropped the phone.

"Oh, boss! What, uh, what can I do for you?"

"Are you kidding me?" Nicky complained. "Get back to the action!"

Sonya just held up a hand and listened to what Jalal had to say.

"_I think you can guess why I've called,"_ he said, his tone quite serious. _"It's about that Monster you're facing down."_

Sonya nodded. A replica of the F.G.D. _would _be troubling for Jalal. The F.G.D. was an incredibly rare and powerful card, to be sure, but Jalal had a deep suspicion that it was far more. The five-headed dragon was a dead ringer for Tiamat, the Queen of Evil Dragonkind, deity of elemental dragons, the natural enemies of metallic dragons like Jalal's father. Jalal himself owned a copy of the true F.G.D., though he very sparsely used it. He had only done so twice, and both times he heard a faint, sinister whispering in his ears, but he'd always ended the duel before the words could become clear. Unsurprisingly, he had a deep suspicion that Tiamat was using the cards to project her avatar, similar to what Jalal did, and he strongly cautioned any and all Shadowchasers against using it (not that it was highly necessary, as copies of the card were very hard to come by). Seeing a card depicting a replica of the beast must've unnerved him.

"_Seeing a card depicting a replica of this beast has unnerved me. I'm worried it may carry Tiamat's spirit like the true F.G.D."_

"I figured," Sonya replied. "But…this card _can't _be as rare as the—wait! You keep up with the new releases. Wouldn't you have noticed something like this months ago when it first came out?"

"_I was preoccupied that day,"_ Jalal said. He sounded slightly embarrassed_. "I just skimmed the stats and ignored the picture. Quite foolish of me, I must admit. At any rate, that card worries me. If it's at all possible for you to do so without hindering yourself, could you summon my avatar back to the field so I can examine it up close? I'm afraid it caught me by surprise the last time."_

"Sure," Sonya replied, raising an eyebrow. "If I can."

"_Excellent,"_ her boss told her. _"And if you can't, win and confiscate the deck. Either way, I thank you immensely, Sonya."_

He was about to hang up when she burst out with a question.

"Hey, before you go, is it true that the Muppets are doll golems?"

"_Oh, yes. Probably the best I've ever seen. I've never met them, of course, but I have numerous reliable sources that assure me that they are."_

"Okay…" the shabby Shadowchaser said with a nod. "Goodbye."

"_Good luck,"_ Jalal told her, before hanging up.

Sonya sighed and pocketed her phone. "Sorry about that," she apologized, drawing a card.

"Whatever," Kate snapped. "Just don't let it happen again."

"I'll try," Sonya responded, staring at her new card. It didn't look like she'd have to re-summon Jalal after all.

"I activate another Dark World Dealings!" she announced, playing the Spell Card. Both players drew a card, and Kate immediately discarded hers, having no other option. Sonya reacted slower than she should have, because of what she had drawn: her Reign-Beaux, Overlord of Dark World, the Monster that Method Actor—Despicable Villain played on stage, and her personal favorite. He wasn't of much use now, though, aside from raising her spirits a little. Instead, she selected another card and placed it into her Graveyard.

"And you should know, Kate, that the card I discarded was Kahkki, Guerilla of Dark World, and when he's discarded, he destroys a Monster on the field!"

Another disembodied laugh sounded in the stands, this one much smaller and hollower. A ghostly figure emerged from the stands, a short, grey, egg-shaped Fiend with a skull-like face and a dagger in one hand. Unlike Sillva and Goldd, though, this one didn't solidify, except for his blade.

"Your Terrible Monstrosity may have taken Jalal, but that's all it'll ever manage."

Sonya snapped her fingers and Kahkki pounced at the stage, flying much higher than a creature with his build should've been able. He held out his dagger to one side, aiming not at the papier-mâché, but at the wires above it.

"I don't think so!" Kate objected. "Loyal Sidekick, intercept it!"

The spandex-clad Spellcaster nodded and leapt into the air, right into the path of Kahkki's knife. She was stabbed right in the heart and fell to the stage floor, wounded, before shattering into pixels, but the Terrible Monstrosity still stood tall.

"In case it wasn't obvious," Kate explained. "If one of my other Method Actors is about to be destroyed while standing on the Grand Performance Stage, my Method Actor—Loyal Sidekick can take the hit. So now you're facing down my greatest Monster and you've just frittered away one of your few options to destroy it. Care to just surrender now?"

"No," Sonya said, shaking her head again. "I won't give up on this duel and I won't give up on you. I'll set a Monster and see what else you can throw at me."

She set a card on her Disk, conjuring a horizontal card's back in the seats a couple of rows in front of her, and gave Kate an "I dare you" look.

"This duel's in the bag!" Nicky laughed.

"We'll be out of here in minutes!" Rod agreed.

Kate didn't seem to share in their enthusiasm. She just snatched another card with her stubby fingers and shook her head.

"Terrible Monstrosity," she said calmly. "Wipe out her pitiful defense. Pentecost holocaust."

The former Method Actors worked their wires, and the F.G.D. replica's heads reared up again and let loose another quintuple attack. The viewing doll golems could barely make out the image of a broad, skeletal Fiend crouched down in the seats, holding up two enormous orange-palmed hands before it was blown apart.

"How tedious," the dueling golem commented. "I'll just set a card and let you attempt to erect another momentary delay for my Terrible Monstrosity."

A vertical facedown card appeared above the amphitheater's roof.

Sonya sighed and drew a card, then looked at it and immediately inserted it into her Duel Disk. A facedown card materialized in front of her, and she waved her hand, signaling the end of her turn.

"Losing your will to go on?" Kate inquired as she drew, neither sympathetically nor sadistically. "Believe me, that feeling won't easily leave. Not without an escape plan."

The other living puppets didn't know what to say to this.

"Whatever. I play the Pot of Greed, to draw two more cards."

She played the card, and a giggling green jar appeared. Kate drew two more cards, and the jar shattered.

"Terrible Monstrosity, attack directly."

The gargantuan prop's heads rose again, and blasted their attacks once more, this time at Sonya.

"I don't think so!" Sonya objected. "I activate my facedown Spell Card, Gateway to Dark World, to revive Renge, Gatekeeper of Dark World to intercept your attack!"

The Shadowchaser's facedown card lifted up and was replaced by the stocky Fiend with enormous hands that the Terrible Monstrosity had destroyed earlier. (2,100 DEF)

"Whatever," Kate said. She probably would've been rolling her eyes if she could've. "Terrible Monstrosity can destroy that without trying."

True to her words, the papier-mâché Monster obliterated the newly-summoned Fiend in seconds flat.

"And it gets worse!" Kate asserted. Some of her energy seemed to have returned. She was enthusiastic, but in a whole different way than in the first half of the duel. "I activate a Spell Card, Encore Performance!"

She slammed the card into her Pocket Disk, and the image of a new card materialized on the field. Its illustration was divided into three different triangles, each with a different scene: Loyal Sidekick intercepting an attack from Despicable Villain meant for Brave Hero, Love Interest kneeling before Wise Elder, and Brave Hero raising his sword to face Terrible Monstrosity.

"Since I just destroyed a Monster in battle, my Terrible Monstrosity can attack again, so long as I end my Battle Phase right afterward. Not that it matters, though, since it's my only Monster. So let's give this another try! Pentecost holocaust!"

The puppeteer holograms raised the wires, and this time did something different: they pulled much harder, and hoisted the Terrible Monstrosity into the air before launching the attack.

This was something for which Sonya was thoroughly unprepared. No duelist is prepared to take an attack from the F.G.D., and though this facsimile was a weaker, watered-down version, its attack was almost as deadly. Sonya couldn't remain standing from the five simultaneous blasts. Her body felt as if it were shattering like glass, her head like it was in a blender.

And then, just like that, it was over.

**(S: 600) - - - - - - - - - - (KM: 3,700)**

"Ready to give up _now_?" Kate jeered. "I really don't want to hurt you. I just want to leave."

"I told you," Sonya reminded, as she struggled to her feet. She could barely stand, but she would recover soon enough. "I'm not giving up on this duel or you. And you're making things worse and worse for yourself, Kate. Look at what you're doing—you're turning your back on the only human in the world who actually wants to help you. And I can, if you'll just let me. Please."

Kate looked at the other doll golems, who gazed at her with what Sonya assumed were looks of indecision and regret, then turned back and shook her head.

"I have my own plan, Sonya," she sighed. "And it's our best hope."

"Your 'plan' is to beg for help from people you've never even met, hoping they'll assist you just because you're the same race of Shadow! You need a better plan, and I can arrange it, if you just put up with one last show! I know it's painful, Kate, but I know you have it in you, and then you'll never have to do it again!"

Kate and Sonya stared each other down (it was easy for Kate, since she had no eyelids), and finally Kate said something.

"I can't. I'm not a glutton for punishment. But since you apparently _are_, I'll set this facedown and turn things over to you."

She placed another card in her Disk's Spell Zone, and another facedown card appeared above the amphitheater.

Sonya scowled, then turned to the other doll golems. "Do you all reject my offer?" she asked.

The doll golems looked at each other, then at Kate, and then at Sonya, before Princeton spoke up.

"We stick together," he said. "If Kate thinks this is the right move, then we'll go with her."

Rod, Nicky, and Lucy nodded in agreement.

The Shadowchaser had nothing to say to that. She just plucked a card from the top of her deck.

"Sorry, Sonya," Kate apologized out of the blue. "But this turn will be your last. I activate my Trap Card, Final Bow."

The card that Kate had set two turns ago flipped around, revealing a Trap with the image of Wise Elder, Despicable Villain, Loyal Sidekick, Brave Hero, Love Interest, and Comedy Relief with their arms linked, taking a bow in front of the Grand Performance Stage's original castle backdrop. The audience's applause grew louder and louder.

"This card's a powerful one, and risky, too. I can only activate it during my opponent's Draw Phase, and only if the Grand Performance Stage is active. Then, I pick a Method Actor on my field, and you have until the end of the turn to somehow get it _off_ the field. If you manage that, I take damage equal to its base Attack. But if you don't, _you _take the damage instead.

"Obviously, I choose my Method Actor—Terrible Monstrosity."

Sonya gasped. "That's…insane! Even _with _the risk, that card is ridiculously powerful when combined with Terrible Monstrosity! There has to be some cost!"

"There is," Kate replied. "Namely, when this card is activated, you get to draw until you have six cards in your hand."

Sonya raised an eyebrow, but didn't object to the help. She drew four more cards and added them to her hand posthaste.

"But if you think you can get rid of my Method Actor with a card's effect, think again," Kate warned. "Because I'm activating my other Trap, Silent Moment!"

The doll golem's other facedown card spun around, exposing a Trap Card with the illustration of Brave Hero holding a dying Loyal Sidekick's hand. Despite her pain, she was smiling, completely at peace.

"This will render my Terrible Monstrosity untouchable by all of your cards' effects until the end of the turn!"

"Awesome combo, Kate!" Nicky laughed.

"Indeed," Rod agreed. "Now the only way for her to avoid taking all that damage is to destroy Terrible Monstrosity in battle, and it has 3,800 Attack Points!"

"And, even better, Sonya doesn't even have a Monster on the field!" Lucy added. "She's finished!"

Princeton was the only one who didn't cheer. He just kept staring at Sonya, almost…pleading.

Sonya stared at her hand. She had some good cards, but nothing that came close to beating Kate's Monster, especially without the help of effects. Still, there was hope. She had most of the pieces she needed, and a way of getting more.

"Okay, Kate," she said. "I'll start by activating my Pot of Avarice!"

She played the card, then took Goldd, Sillva, Brron, Beiige, and Jalal from her Disk's Graveyard slot and shuffled them into her deck (save for Jalal, which went to her Extra Deck), then drew two cards.

_Still a piece missing, _she thought. _But I still might be able to draw it…_

"Next," she announced, playing one of the cards she just drew. "I activate Card of Safe Return. This allows me to draw a card every time a Monster is Special Summoned from my Graveyard.

"Then," she continued. "I'll set a Trap Card facedown."

A facedown card materialized in front of her.

"And you're telling me it's a Trap Card…why?" Kate asked, putting her hands on her hips (as best she could with the wire in her left hand).

"Because you're about to see it in action anyway. I'll continue by playing Dark World Lightning, which destroys a facedown card on the field, even if it's one of my own."

Lightning struck the facedown card, and it burst into pixels.

"But, since my Trap was Statue of the Wicked, I get a Wicked Token to replace it."

An ugly creature, a hybrid of centipede and snake wearing a gold crown, burst out of the seats. (1,000 ATK)

"On top of that, Dark World Lightning requires that I discard a card from my hand as part of its effect."

She smiled and slipped one of her cards into her Graveyard.

"Oh, let me guess," Kate groaned. "It was one of your Dark World Monsters, and now you're going to Special Summon it to your field."

"Wrong!" Sonya laughed. "I'm going to Special Summon it to _yours_! Arise, Ceruli, Guru of Dark World!"

An ugly wheezing was heard, and a Monster wandered out from stage left. It was a short, stocky Fiend with downward-curving horns and a helmet that seemed to be made from a mummified hand. Its clothes, however, were much fancier: a silk blue cape and a polished azure chestplate. It stared up in awe and fear at Method Actor—Terrible Monstrosity. (100 ATK)

"And since he was Special Summoned from my Graveyard, my Card of Safe Return lets me draw another card!"

She picked up another card and stared at it. _Still not it!_

"And, when Ceruli's Special Summoned via his own effect, he makes the opponent discard a card!"

"But I have nothing in my hand!" Kate laughed. "So his effect is worthless!"

"His effect doesn't apply to you, Kate," Sonya retorted. "From where he stands, _I'm _the opponent!"

"No!" Kate snarled. "You're bringing out _him_, aren't you?"

The Shadowchaser nodded. "That's right. I'm discarding Reign-Beaux, Overlord of Dark World to the Graveyard. And since he was technically discarded by an opponent's card effect, I can Special Summon him back!"

Yet more laughter sounded, this the loudest and most terrifying yet. The shadows converged in the stands, and Reign-Beaux emerged. This time it was no Method Actor—his dark flesh, curved horns, and deadly sasumata were very, very real…you know, for holograms. (2,500 ATK)

"No!" Kate cried, before she doubled over laughing. "Oh, wait," she said, pretending she only just came to a realization. "Thanks to my Silent Moment, Reign-Beaux's effect can't destroy Terrible Monstrosity! The only thing that he can wipe out is your own Ceruli!"

Sonya let out another smirk and shook her head. "That's not the only thing he can destroy…" she informed.

Kate cocked her head. "What do you mean?" she demanded. "When Reign-Beaux is Special Summoned by his own effect, he destroys all Monsters on the opponent's field! I've seen it myself!"

"Yes," Sonya laughed. "He _can _do that, but he actually has a second option. He can either destroy all of your Monsters…or all of your Spells and Traps."

The furry doll golem sprang right up. "But…that means…"

"Your Grand Performance Stage is history!"

Reign-Beaux let out his wicked laugh once more, and raised his sasumata, then blasted a concentrated beam of rainbow-colored energy that blew apart the stage, once again restoring the room to its proper location as a ballroom in a mine. Surprisingly, the black-clad Method Actors were still around, as was the platform on which they stood, which was now attached to the ceiling of the mine. Still, they gave some slack to the giant, five-headed prop. (3,800/3,800) -) (3,500/3,500)

"And, of course, Card of Safe Return lets me draw another card."

_Come on!, _she thought as she snatched the card, but then she frowned. _Not it,_ she groaned inside her head. _But it'll give me one more chance._

"Now," she said, placing the card she'd just drawn onto her Disk's tray. "I summon the Tuner Monster, Sinister Sprocket!"

In a flash of light, a giant spool bound in iron chains with one staring eye flew out of the floor.

"And I think you can guess what happens next!"

Sonya didn't chant this time, but Reign-Beaux and Sinister Sprocket dissolved into stars, and once again flew into a circle and formed a spinning ring.

**(*1 + *7 = *8)**

"Welcome back, Jalal," Sonya greeted when her boss emerged from the ring. He gave her a curt nod in response, then began to study Method Actor—Terrible Monstrosity.

Kate, on the other hand, wasn't impressed. "Is that all you've got?" she jeered. "A two-bit Warrior that my Terrible Monstrosity blasted apart once before?

"Or are you somehow planning on using his effect? Well, Sonya, even if I _hadn't _used Silent Moment, it wouldn't do you any good. Flipping a card facedown doesn't technically count as removing it from the field, and my Terrible Monstrosity has a Defense Score just as high as his Attack!"

Sonya scowled at this insult to her boss, but she took a deep breath and let it go. "You're right," she confessed, taking Kate by surprise. "His first effect _is _useless. But I may still be able to use another.

"Now, if you recall, I used two Monsters in Dragonprince Jalal's Synchro Summon, just like last time, so he gets _two _Fortune Counters."

As she said this, two more glowing spheres began orbiting around Jalal's sword.

"And I'll remove them both to draw one card."

Jalal turned around and raised his sword, flinging both of the balls of light straight at Sonya's Duel Disk. Her deck absorbed them, and a card slid out into her fingers. She turned it away from herself, hoping against hope that it was the card she needed.

_Please, please, _please _be the right card!_, she prayed.

Then she turned the card around and smiled.

"You were right, Kate," she said. "This _will _be my last turn—because I now have everything I need to win!"

"Impossible!" Kate snapped, thrashing around on her elf's arm. "No way you're telling the truth!"

"I'm sorry, Kate," Sonya said, her tone sincere, as Jalal stared at the enraged doll golem at her wit's end. "But I am. I activate the Spell Card, Burning Soul Sword!"

Jalal's sword disappeared and was replaced by a much fancier orange one.

"This lets him increase his Attack Power by that of any Monster I sacrifice to him, and I'm sacrificing my Wicked Token!"

She played the card, and the Wicked Token dissolved into a thin white mist, and then flowed directly into Dragonprince Jalal's sword. Jalal held the blade to the sky, swelling with pride and power. (2,500 ATK) -) (3,500 ATK)

"NO!" Kate wailed. "Now he's as powerful as my Method Actor!"

"That's the plan!" Sonya smirked. "Are you ready, Jalal?"

Her boss's avatar nodded, and Sonya grinned.

"Good. Then destroy Method Actor—Terrible Monstrosity with burning soul slash!"

Jalal gritted his teeth and leapt into the air, but when he was only halfway to the five-headed abomination, it let loose its quintuple-element attack. Unlike the other Monsters who faced it down, though, Jalal weathered through, slowing down only slightly, but showing clear signs of injury. Then, with three swipes of his sword, he sliced off every one of the giant prop's heads, and then cleaved it in twain before he hit the ground.

Once he landed, however, Jalal's injuries became much clearer. He panted and sweated, then finally collapsed to the ground and exploded into triangles.

At the same time, Terrible Monstrosity turned into pixels, soon followed by his operators and the platform on which they stood.

Kate's jaw fell open, one of the few facial expressions of which she was capable, but she said nothing. She was too stunned.

"I guess I'll just set this facedown and end my turn, then," Sonya said as a facedown card appeared in front of her. "And I think you recall what that means."

Kate's made a gulping sound, then turned to her fellow golems and mumbled a single word.

"…shit!"

The ghostly image of her Final Bow card appeared over her head, and more voices echoed through the cavern. This wasn't the laughter of Sonya's Dark World Monsters, though, or even the cheers from the Grand Performance Stage's audience. This was loud, angry booing, which grew louder and louder. Sonya gritted her teeth in annoyance, but Kate was clearly taking it much harder. She was clamping her hands to the sides of her head and shrieking at the top of her lungs. After a moment, she collapsed to the floor, puppeteer and all. She must've been very sensitive to negative reviews…

**(S: 600) - - - - - - - - - - (KM: 200)**

Immediately, Princeton and Lucy rushed over to help, each of them grabbing one of Kate's handler's shoulders with their own puppet arms.

"Please get up, Kate!" Princeton pleaded. "We've already lost one friend! We can't lose another!"

"You're still in this, honey!" Lucy begged. "You can win! You've got all of our support!"

At these words, Princeton surreptitiously turned his head to Sonya and ever so slightly tipped it down.

Kate didn't seem to notice. She got her handler back to her feet and dusted herself off, then held up her Duel Disk.

"You're right, Lucy," she said, though forming words seemed to be a struggle for her. "I _do _still have a chance. All I need is a decent Monster."

It took some effort, but Kate managed to draw a card. She laughed and turned it around.

"I did it!" she laughed. "I drew another Despicable Villain! That's plenty strong! And you even gave me a Monster to sacrifice! How ironic is it, Sonya, that an actor playing your favorite Monster would finish you off?"

"Very ironic," Sonya replied. "Or it would be, if you ever got the chance. But you won't, because I'm activating my final card."

Her facedown card lifted up, and the doll golems gasped.

"Ceasefire. A concept which you should consider. It deals you five-hundred points of damage for every Effect Monster on the field. And Ceruli's still around."

Kate groaned as the last of her Life Points were drained away.

**(S: 600) - - - - - - - - - - (KM: 0)**

The holograms faded, and Kate and the other doll golems allowed their handlers to slump to the floor, depressed.

At that second, Sonya's phone rang. She immediately answered. It was Jalal, of course.

"_Excellent work, Sonya!" _he laughed, right off the bat. _"Very nice turnaround!"_

"Thanks," Sonya replied. "But don't leave me hanging. Tell me about the card!"

"_Of course. Well, it turns out it's just a card. Not a trace of malevolence that I could see. I'd liken it to a sculpture of Satan made in arts and crafts at the YMCA."_

"Good," Sonya said. "But I need to go. I'm running out of time. But could you meet me at the Twin Cities HQ in three hours? I need your help."

"_Ah," _her boss replied with a chuckle. _"I see what you have in mind. Well, I'll have to skip my yoga exercises for today, but this is clearly more important. I'll be there."_

"Great! Goodbye, then!"

"_Goodbye."_

Sonya hung up, then moved over to the doll golems, who were off moping in the corner of the room.

"That was a great duel, Kate," she said, getting their attention. "I really thought you had me a couple of times."

The golems stared at her, but didn't speak.

"Of course, you _did _make some mistakes. You gave me an opening with that Final Bow when you were about to beat me anyway. And you had nothing to fear from me trying to destroy that Terrible Monstrosity with Silent Moment facedown."

Kate looked her in the eyes, but said nothing.

"Look, we had a bet, and you're coming back to the Ordway, but if you'll let me, I can still help you. Come on. What do you say?"

Kate turned her head and remained silent. Princeton, on the other hand, spoke up.

"Come on, Kate!" he demanded, now actually sounding aggravated. "This girl's done nothing but offer to help since this duel began, and I, for one, am going to trust her! She says she can make things better. Well, she sure can't make them worse! You want to stay here and mope? Fine! Anyone who wants their lives to get better, I'm glad to have by my side!"

The other doll golems, save for Kate, allowed their puppeteers to get to their feet, and stared at Princeton and Sonya.

"He's right," Lucy agreed. "We can't do this on our own. We just can't."

"We need all the friends we can get," Nicky sighed.

"You're an organization to help Shadows," Rod remembered. "That's something I can get behind."

Finally, Kate looked up and choked out a few words.

"You really do care, don't you?" she asked, sounding like she was about to cry again. "This isn't just because it's your job or something?"

Sonya gave her a warm smile, and despite her ragged appearance, it was quite touching. "I came here because it's my job. I'm helping you because you're my friend."

"'F-friend'?" Kate echoed.

"That's right. And if you do this one show, I'll help you. What do you say?"

Kate paused, but then nodded. "Okay," she said. "One more show. But on one condition."

Sonya frowned. "Oh?" she responded. "And what's that?"

"I want _you _to be my handler during the show."

"What?" the Shadowchaser exclaimed. "I can't do that! I'm not an actress!"

"No, no, it'll be easy, I promise! I'll guide you through the whole thing. You just need to wear me and hold my wire, and I'll handle the rest. Please, I just can't make it through this again without a true friend by my side at all times! Please!"

Kate sighed, but nodded. "Okay," she said. Then she checked her watch and jumped. "Oh, crap! We've only got ten minutes to the opening curtain!"

"So?" Princeton replied. "We can get to the Ordway on your D-Wheel with time to spare."

"In one trip, yes," the Shadowchaser agreed. "But even with me acting as Kate's puppeteer, there are still five elves to transport!"

"Oh, there are plenty of understudies," Nicky snickered. "I mean, all they do is hold us and pretend to be the actors. If we detach ourselves, we can get down there just in time. Come on, guys!"

The doll golems all nodded, and instantly their handlers reached up and ripped them off of their arms and dropped them to the floor.

"Oh, thank goodness I'm free of that nightmare!" Rod's puppeteer exclaimed.

"It was no picnic for me, either," Rod grumbled.

"I'm afraid I need to take these doll golems and your bag and go," Sonya told the elves, who were stretching out and enjoying their returned freedom. She took a card out of her pocket and handed it to the nearest one, Lucy's former host. "Here's the address for the Shadowchasers' Twin Cities headquarters. I want to see you there when I return in three hours. We have a lot to talk about."

"Yes," Kate's handler agreed. "We understand completely."

With that, Sonya stuffed the five puppets as best she could into Nicky's duffel bag and ran out of the caves with the elves as fast as their legs would take them, locking the door behind her on her way out.

**0**

Three hours later, Sonya was finally done with the show. However happy Calliope was when the Shadowchaser had returned with the doll golems and what they had stolen, that quickly vanished when they expressed Kate's wish for Sonya to be her operator. Luckily, with only two minutes before the show, the elf had no time to argue, and allowed it.

It wasn't easy, either. Though Kate guided all of Sonya's movements, she could still feel Kate's rage burning into her during the more stressful parts, specifically the songs "The Internet is for Porn", "There's a Fine, Fine Line", and "The More You Ruv Someone". Still, Kate didn't let her temper distract her from the performance, and it was over before she knew it.

Then, after a rather firm suggestion from Sonya, Calliope returned with her and the doll golems to HQ, where she met with the golems' handlers, Jalal (meeting with them via hologram), and Sonya's three teammates, Justine, Ka, and Ricky.

"What, uh…what exactly is this?" Calliope asked, staring at the weirdness around her.

"It's a conference, my dear," Jalal told her. Unlike his card, he wasn't wearing armor. Instead, he had on some very fancy and expensive clothes that must've been all the rage in 19th century London. "It seems that you've been mistreating your employees quite severely."

Calliope's eyes went wide. "What?" she cried. "How dare you! All of my employees are given the best of care! I've never gotten a single complaint that couldn't be ironed out in moments!"

"From the elves, yes," Jalal said, giving her a curt nod. "But I'm referring to your doll golems."

"'The doll golems'?" Calliope repeated.

"They are sentient creatures, my dear, and, from what I've heard, both in person and secondhand, you've been denying them wages, proper living accommodations, and attention. You do not bring life into this world without being ready to accept the consequences. Do I make myself clear?"

Calliope gulped. "I—I didn't realize," she said, staring at the floor. "My troupe has made golems before, but those were mostly for heavy lifting. None of us really...really realized the difference. We treated them like we always treat our golems. I guess it was like owning dogs my whole life, and then getting a cat and expecting it to be exactly the same. I must be the dumbest elf alive."

"It's a distinct possibility," Lucy snarled. She and the other doll golems were propped up on a couch, and, unsurprisingly, they weren't in the best of moods.

"Don't act as if you're innocent in this," Sonya told her. "You five are guilty of theft and kidnapping. Despite your motives, those are serious crimes."

"Like I said," Calliope muttered. "I won't press charges. It's the least I can do…"

"That's a good start," Jalal commented. "Now, how about you both give an apology for your wrongdoings? Kate?"

Kate sighed, but got up her courage and spoke. "We're sorry we almost ruined your show and stole your decks and your money and your Pocket Disk…and your actors," she told the elves. "It's just that we didn't know what else to do. You clearly didn't show any concern for our lives, considering what happened to Trekkie, and we knew you were going to turn us back into puppets after the show. It was wrong, but we were scared, and we felt unloved."

"No," Calliope told her. "_I'm _the one who's sorry. We were absolute monsters toward you. We treated you like objects, and ignored your complaints. Please, there must be some way I can make it up to you—some way we can forget this whole unpleasantness and start over."

The doll golems all looked at each other, and then turned to their creator. "We can never forget," Kate replied. "But…maybe we can forgive. Maybe."

"But there'll have to be some big changes!" Rod added. To emphasize his point, he jerked his head forward and almost fell off the sofa.

"Of course!" the seven elves all said in unison.

"Very good," Jalal said. "If both sides are willing to drop all the charges, then I see no reason to process all of this. However, we clearly need to hammer out the exact conditions of your new arrangement, and none of you are leaving until we do."

"Uh, Jalal?" Justine suddenly asked, raising her hand as she stifled a yawn. "That's all well and good, but it's getting pretty late, and everyone here's pretty wiped. Think we can go to bed on this happy note and work out the conditions in the morning?"

"We'll gladly provide sleeping arrangements for our guests," Sonya offered.

Jalal stared at them, drinking in their tired eyes and drooping heads, and nodded. "Very well. I'll see you all in ten hours. And you five," he said, staring at the doll golems. "Try not to go to bed angry, all right?"

**0**

Two weeks later, Sonya got an email from Kate.

_Dear Sonya,_

_Today's the big day! The day my friends and I get transferred into our new bodies! They're made of modeling clay. How great is that? We can stretch and morph to play hundreds of different roles! We're all really excited._

_Calliope and the other elves have really been going out of their way to make us comfortable. She's typing the email right now (_Hi, Sonya!_). I'm starting to forgive them, but the healing process is going to take a while. Still, we're off to a good start._

_Oh, and the best news:_ _Thanks to __Jalal's connectons, we got ahold of Creature Shop! Scooter says that when we hit L.A., they'll send Statler and Waldorf to see the performance. They're expecting a private balcony, of course. Anyway, if we impress them, they'll hook us up with the Creature Shop's agents when the tour's over! Don't worry, though. I have it on good authority that they just like making jokes. They're actually rather easily impressed._

_I really can't thank you enough for everything you did: Introducing me to Jalal, helping us with our situation, and most of all, never giving up on me. You're a true friend. I'll get you and your group free tickets when the tour comes back to the Twin Cities. I also want a rematch._

_Wishing you well, _

_Kate Monster_

_P.S. The elves let us decide which show we're doing this year. I won't spoil the surprise about what it is, but here's a hint: It's a big bright beautiful world out there, and I'm going to experience it firsthand._

_**Well, I guess a weird case now and then won't kill me. In fact, as Kate would say, there's a fine, fine line between weird and extraordinary. Variety is the spice of life, after all. And I suppose it's not as bad as that transgender arcane golem. I can't wait to see Kate's play!**_

**0**

**GRAND PERFORMANCE STAGE (Spell Card)**

**Field Spell**

**Image: **A domed amphitheater with the closed curtains decorated with the Shakespearean masks of comedy and tragedy, surrounded by a semicircle of tiered seats full of shadowy spectators.

**Card Description: **All "Method Actor" Monsters on the field gain 300 ATK and DEF.

**0**

**METHOD ACTOR—BRAVE HERO (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Spellcaster/Effect

**Attribute: **Light

**Level: **4

**ATK: **1,600

**DEF: **1,300

**Card Description: **As long as "Grand Performance Stage" is face-up on the field, your opponent cannot attack any Monsters except for this one.

**0**

**METHOD ACTOR—LOVE INTEREST (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Spellcaster/Effect

**Attribute: **Light

**Level: **4

**ATK: **1,500

**DEF: **1,700

**Card Description: **As long as "Grand Performance Stage" is face-up on the field, "Method Actor" Monsters on your field cannot be destroyed by the effects of Trap Cards.

**0**

**METHOD ACTOR—WISE ELDER (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Spellcaster/Effect

**Attribute: **Light

**Level: **2

**ATK: **300

**DEF: **2,000

**Card Description: **FLIP: Take one "Grand Performance Stage" from your deck and add it to your hand.

**0**

**METHOD ACTOR—DESPICABLE VILLAIN (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Spellcaster/Effect

**Attribute: **Light

**Level: **6

**ATK: **2,000

**DEF: **1,700

**Card Description: **As long as "Grand Performance Stage" is face-up on the field, all of your opponent's Monsters lose 300 ATK.

**0**

**METHOD ACTOR—COMEDY RELIEF (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Spellcaster/Effect

**Attribute: **Light

**Level: **3

**ATK: **1,000

**DEF: **800

**Card Description: **All "Method Actor" Monsters on your field gain 300 ATK.

**0**

**METHOD ACTOR—LOYAL SIDEKICK**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Spellcaster/Effect

**Attribute: **Light

**Level: **3

**ATK: **1,300

**DEF: **1,400

**Card Description: **As long as "Grand Performance Stage" is face-up on the field, when a "Method Actor" you control would be destroyed, you can destroy this card instead.

**0**

**METHOD ACTOR—TERRIBLE MONSTROSITY (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Spellcaster/Effect

**Attribute: **Light

**Level: **9

**ATK: **3,500

**DEF: **3,500

**Card Description: **This card cannot be Normal Summoned or set. This card can only be Special Summoned by tributing 3 face-up "Method Actor" Monsters on your field. This card cannot attack on the turn that it is Special Summoned. If "Grand Performance Stage" is face-up when this card is Special Summoned, you can destroy every card on the field except for this one and "Grand Performance Stage".

**0**

**STAGE FIGHTING (Trap Card)**

**Continuous Trap**

**Image: **Method Actor—Brave Hero and Method Actor—Despicable Villain about to fight in front of the Grand Performance Stage's wasteland backdrop.

**Card Description: **This card can only be activated if "Grand Performance Stage" is face-up on the field. "Method Actor" Monsters in Attack Mode on your field cannot be destroyed in battle. All Battle Damage dealt to you from a battle involving a "Method Actor" Monster on your field is doubled. If there is no face-up "Grand Performance Stage" on the field, destroy this card.

**0**

**INTERMISSION (Spell Card)**

**Quick-Play Spell**

**Image: **Grand Performance Stage with the curtains closed, the audience walking away.

**Card Description: **This card can only be activated during the Battle Phase when "Grand Performance Stage" is face-up on the field. Automatically end the Battle Phase and increase your Life Points by 300 for each face-up "Method Actor" on the field.

**0**

**ENCORE PERFORMANCE (Spell Card)**

**Quick-Play Spell**

**Image: **Three triangles depicting different scenes: Method Actor—Loyal Sidekick intercepting an attack from Method Actor—Despicable Villain meant for Method Actor—Brave Hero in front of the wasteland backdrop, Method Actor—Love Interest kneeling before Method Actor—Wise Elder in front of the dark castle backdrop, and Method Actor—Brave Hero raising his sword to face Method Actor—Terrible Monstrosity in front of the evil castle backdrop.

**Card Description: **You can only activate this card during your Battle Phase if there is a face-up "Grand Performance Stage" on the field after a Monster on your field successfully destroys an opponent's Monster in battle. That Monster can attack once again in a row. Afterward, immediately end your Battle Phase.

**0**

**SILENT MOMENT (Trap Card)**

**Normal Trap**

**Image: **Method Actor—Brave Hero holding the dying Method Actor—Loyal Sidekick's hand in front of the Grand Performance Stage's wasteland backdrop. Despite her pain, she is smiling.

**Card Description: **This card can only be activated if "Grand Performance Stage" is face-up on the field. Select a face-up "Method Actor" Monster on your field. Until this turn's End Phase, the selected Monster is unaffected by the opponent's Spell and Trap Cards and Monster effects.

**0**

**FINAL BOW (Trap Card)**

**Normal Trap**

**Image: **Method Actor—Wise Elder, Method Actor—Despicable Villain, Method Actor—Loyal Sidekick, Method Actor—Brave Hero, Method Actor—Love Interest, and Method Actor—Comedy Relief with their arms linked, taking a bow in front of the Grand Performance Stage's castle backdrop.

**Card Description: **This card can only be activated during your opponent's Draw Phase when "Grand Performance Stage" is face-up on the field. Your opponent draws until he/she has six cards in his/her hand. Select a face-up "Method Actor" Monster on your field. If this Monster is removed from the field before the turn's End Phase, inflict direct damage to yourself equal to the its original ATK. If not, inflict this damage to your opponent.

**0**

**BURNING SOUL SWORD** **(Spell Card)**

**Equip Spell**

**Image: **A fancy orange sword surrounded by flames.

**Card Description: **Once per turn, during your Main Phase, you may tribute 1 Monster on your field (other than the equipped Monster). Until the End Phase of this turn, the equipped Monster's ATK is increased by the original ATK of the tributed Monster.

_(Note: This card was originally used by Jyonouchi in the Yu-Gi-Oh! episode "Courtroom Chaos, Part 2". Creative credit goes to the writers of that episode.)_

**0**

**DRAGONPRINCE JALAL (Monster Card)**

**Card Specs**

**Type: **Warrior/Synchro/Effect

**Attribute: **Light

**Level: **8

**ATK: **2,500

**DEF: **1,900

**Card Description: **_Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner Monsters_

When this card is Synchro Summoned, place 1 "Fortune Counter" on this card for each Monster used in the Synchro Summoning. Once per turn, during your turn, you may remove any number of "Fortune Counters" from this card to activate the appropriate effect.

1 Counter: Select 1 card on the field and place it in set position (if a Monster Card is chosen, switch it to Defense Position).

2 Counters: Draw 1 card.

3 Counters: Destroy 1 card on the field.

_Note: This card was created by fanfic author Darkblur._

**0**

(WOW! THAT WAS _LONG! _I am downright exhausted, but very, very satisfied. I hope you are, too. Now, before I go and rest, you know the deal: Review, tell me what you think, and, as a bonus, BROWNIE POINTS FOR ANYONE WHO CAN GUESS KATE'S NEXT SHOW!)


End file.
